Dr. Travis Bradberry, co-author of the bestseller Emotional Intelligence 2.0, emphasizes that emotional intelligence, or EI, is a crucial skill given that we have around 400 emotional experiences every single day. It helps us communicate daily.
High emotional intelligence is about understanding ourselves better, as well as other people. It impacts our family, social life, and professional success.
But what does it actually mean to be emotionally aware? And are you aware of your emotions? What about the emotions of people around you? Stay with me to find out.
What is emotional intelligence?
Emotional intelligence is a person’s ability to recognize, evaluate, and control their own emotions and those of others. More precisely, according to Daniel Goleman, EI consists of five elements or levels:
- Self-awareness
- Self-regulation
- Motivation
- Empathy
- Social skills
Researchers Mayer, Salovey, and Caruso were the first to define emotional intelligence in the 1990s, and Goleman popularized the concept through his bestselling book Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ.
By the way, you’ve probably heard of Dale Carnegie: he nailed emotional intelligence in his legendary book How to Win Friends & Influence People, even though he did not coin the term, and he did that sixty years before Goleman.
While experts generally agree on what EI is, they might see differences in how best to break down its components, skills, and competencies. This brings us to several models of emotional intelligence.
EI models and theories
Let’s look at the three most popular models of emotional intelligence based on different scientific approaches.
Ability model
To be emotionally intelligent, you need to master certain skills. According to Mayer, Salovey, and Caruso, you must be aware of your emotions, make sense of them, and know how to manage them effectively.
Trait model
This theory is anchored in personality traits. It asserts that emotional intelligence does not stem from abilities but is shaped by self-perception and emotional characteristics. This model suggests that certain people have innate emotional abilities as part of their personality.
Mixed model
Goleman blended the previous two theories. He says that each of us is born with a certain level of emotional intelligence, which sets the stage for how much we can build up other competencies.
You probably suspect that emotional intellect matters, but how can we prove the importance of something so… subjective?
What’s behind emotional intellect?
It’s all in the brain.
Emotional intelligence is essentially a pathway between our emotional and rational minds. Focusing on intellectual skills only and neglecting the development of EI is like peering through the keyhole when the door is wide open.
Now, you might be wondering: can emotional intelligence be taught? Yes, of course. Just compare the emotional intelligence skills of a 3-year-old and an adult (we won’t take that colleague of yours into account). What’s more, one should start building emotional intelligence as early as possible.
What does EQ stand for? Is it the same as EI?
You’ve probably come across the abbreviation EQ as opposed to IQ. EQ, meaning emotional quotient, is often used interchangeably with EI.
I like how Dr. Shawn Andrews, a best-selling author and Forbes contributor, explains the difference: EQ is about assessment, while EI is a broader concept.
Think of EQ as a scorecard for your emotional abilities. It’s like an emotional IQ test that tells you how well you can read and understand feelings — yours and others. It’s your personal emotional report card that shows where you stand and how you can level up.
Now, EI goes beyond the numbers. It’s the full deal, covering self-awareness, keeping your cool, staying focused, understanding others, and being a social maestro. I like to think of EQ as a road map and EI as a scenic route. The EQ score guides me, but emotional intelligence creates the landscape.
And speaking of measurements and scores — things not quite typical for emotions — let’s look at what scientists have to say about assessing emotional intelligence skills.
Assessment instruments for EQ skills
Four standard tools are used to measure emotional intelligence:
Multi-Health Systems EQ-i 2.0
Considered a trailblazer, the EQ-i 2.0 by Multi-Health Systems is a seasoned companion in the EI journey. It offers 133 statements to test emotional intelligence and creates a comprehensive or work-performance-based report.
Mayer-Salovey-Caruso’s MSCEIT
The Multifactor Emotional Intelligence Scale measures four levels of the EI model: perception, usage, understanding, and management. The test consists of 141 items and provides as many as 15 scores, from general to branch and task-specific.
Goleman and Hay Group’s ESCI
The Emotional and Social Competency Inventory (ESCI) focuses on both social awareness and emotional intelligence, just as its name suggests. It assesses 12 competencies, four of which are in the following areas: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management.
Six Seconds SEI
This EQ test is based on the Six Seconds Model of Emotional Intelligence. It is more action-based: the tool not only assesses skills but also offers tailored frameworks for building emotional intelligence. It’s available in 24 languages and can be adapted for children and adults.
While these tools are great for in-depth assessment and training, you might prefer something easier (and free) to get started.
Improving emotional intelligence: Where to start
Self-awareness is your MVP. Only when you’ve taken care of yourself can you move toward improving EQ. Let’s see what you can do on all levels.
- Self-awareness. Tune into your emotions in different situations.
- Self-regulation. Keep your cool, even in a proverbial traffic jam. Emotional self-management starts with taking a breath. Then, put on some good vibes, and navigate through challenges without going into full Hulk mode. Music, workouts, and meditation can help you here.
- Motivation. Find your driving beat — what gets you grooving out of bed? Whether it’s polishing off a project, nailing a perfect outfit, or whipping up some coffee (it can be decaf, you know), set that motivational vibe for every day.
- Empathy. Dance in someone else’s shoes. Take a moment to understand where the other person’s emotions are coming from, even if you’re not doing the same dance. It’s the emotional two-step that builds connection and boosts social-emotional intelligence.
- Social skills. Hit the emotional dance floor with style. It’s not just about having moves; it’s about knowing when to waltz or tango. Practice networking, collaboration, and conflict resolution to make your set of social skills complete. Understanding yourself first and others second will help you tune into the people around you, whether it’s a meeting, a party, or a charity event.
Let’s start practicing! Here are some tips on how to catch yourself making missteps.
How to check in with yourself when building EQ skills
- When in doubt, hit the pause button. Take a beat, reflect on your emotions, and figure out if you’re on the right track or got carried away.
- Get feedback from those around you. To build on our dancing metaphor, partners matter. Are you in sync with your partner or group? Others can give you a hint when you stumble and point toward areas for improvement.
- Stay open to growth. High emotional intelligence requires constant work as the settings around you and your dance partners change. Mastering your emotions first will help you better adapt to scenery changes.
How emotional intelligence influences our lives
Learning EI skills isn’t some self-help fad — it’s a real deal that can guide you through different interactions, including those with yourself.
Let’s take marriage. A person with developed EI recognizes their partner’s feelings, picks up on non-verbal clues, and communicates with empathy.
With children, emotional intelligence is crucial: you have to understand their reactions and guide them through the rollercoaster of emotions.
In the professional realm, IQ surely matters. But EQ matters even more. The research conducted by TalentSmart, a consulting company co-founded by Dr. Travis Bradberry (yes, he appeared quite a few times in this article), revealed that emotional intelligence can predict performance. In fact, it’s behind 58% of successful performers across all kinds of jobs.
High EQ opens you up to a wide range of essential skills: decision-making, teamwork, presentation skills, time management, customer service, assertiveness, and more. It creates a road to leadership where being smart is not enough.
And then comes relentless work on personal growth. Emotional intelligence is your backstage pass to being self-aware, recognizing your quirks, and working on becoming your best self.
Final thoughts
Here’s one simple reason why you should bother with emotional intelligence: it’s your ticket to acing life’s dance moves, from romantic relationships to career partnerships. Having high EI skills means you’re the DJ of your own vibes, rocking at self-management and connecting with people on a personal level.
Emotional intelligence isn’t a fixed trait; it’s a journey. Spotting triggers early on, hitting pause for self-reflection, getting feedback, and learning from your oopsie-daisy moments — those are the moves that level up your emotional game. And in a world where you’re barraged with emotions every single day, boosting your EQ isn’t just a nice-to-do — it’s a must.
So, as you kickstart this journey, remember that high EQ can give you the superpower to not just follow the beat but to lead the whole dance floor with flair and authenticity.
Joy Ismail, PhD, shared her insightful ideas on emotional intelligence: “Humans are inherently social beings—there’s no getting around it. Having emotional intelligence can greatly enhance our interactions because it allows us to accurately perceive emotional states and engage in effective communication and resolution. Emotional intelligence is a crucial toolkit that—when mastered—can boost feelings of happiness. As with all other skills, emotional intelligence can be built over time with effort and energy until it becomes reflexive. Practice is key.”
