Friendships are one of the most valuable aspects of life. Research shows that having close friends helps manage obstacle-filled situations effectively [1]. Subsequently, a lack of good friendship is a major major health risk factor, competing with the effect of cigarette smoking [2].
So, how to be a better friend? In this article, we’ll explore practical ways to be a better friend and why it’s important to invest in friendships.
10 Tips to Be a Better Friend
If you’re wondering how to be a better friend, here are 10 ways to strengthen your friendship:
1. Be a Good Listener
Commonly, this means giving your friend your full attention when they speak, validating their feelings, and offering thoughtful responses. Instead of interrupting or offering solutions right away, listen actively and show empathy.
Sometimes, one of the best ways to be a better friend is to support a friend by simply letting them vent or express their emotions honestly.
2. Be Reliable and Empathetic
If you wonder, “How can I be a better friend?” try to remain dependable and consistent. For instance, when you say you’ll be there for your friend, follow through. Being reliable may deepen trust and show your friends they can count on you.
As an illustration, if your friend is moving to a new place and needs help with packing or lifting boxes, offer your support. Even if it’s not the most convenient time, you could say, “I know it’s a lot, but I’ve got your back. Let me know what time works best for you!”
In the same way, when your friend is having a rough time, strive to be there for them. Try to understand what they’re going through and show you care. Sometimes, just saying “I’m here for you” or “I get how you feel” can really make a difference.
3. Celebrate Their Wins
One of the best ways to be a better friend is to celebrate their successes, including their promotion, some good news, or their new accomplishment. Showing your friends that you’re really happy for them can make them feel valued.
For example, imagine that your friend gets their dream job. You can celebrate their wins with excitement to make them feel appreciated.
Show them you’re genuinely happy for their success and growth. Send a message like, “I’m so proud of you! I know you’ve worked so hard. You totally deserve this!”
You can even try to make this day extra special for them – treat them to dinner or plan a small hangout with a few friends. You may also order their favorite food, raise a glass to them, or just spend time celebrating together.
4. Communicate Openly and Honestly
If you think, “How can I be a better friend?” just be real with your friend about how you’re feeling, what’s on your mind, and what you need. If something’s bothering you, talk about it in a respectful way.
Don’t be afraid to show your weaknesses and talk about your problems. As studies have shown, frankness and vulnerability don’t push people away, but, on the contrary, evokes empathy, which can develop into friendship [3].
This also works the other way around: if we open up to a person, we generally begin to like them more. This speaks to achieving a sense of safety, which is an important factor in all relationships.
5. Respect Boundaries
- Physical boundaries could be about personal space or touch, like if someone doesn’t want hugs.
- Emotional boundaries are about how much a friend wants to share emotionally. For example, if your friend says they’re not ready to discuss a topic, respect that and don’t press them to open up.
- Mental boundaries can involve respecting someone’s need for space or time to themselves. If your friends express this need, respect it and avoid taking it personally.
6. Don’t Give Advice
A study found that the happiest pairs of friends were those where both people respected each other’s independence and decisions [4]. Naturally, this kind of mutual respect also helps boost self-esteem.
That’s why someone wondering, “How can I be a better friend?” should avoid giving unsolicited advice.
To illustrate, if your friend is opening up, they might not be looking for advice and just need someone to listen. You may help them find a solution on their own. For instance, you can ask questions like: “What are you thinking about doing next?” or “Do you have any ideas on what to do?”
If you think your friend is about to make a bad decision, you can gently express your concerns by saying something like, “I’m worried about this choice. Have you thought about…?” Let them find the solution themselves with your support.
7. Don’t Live by the “Give-and-Take” Rule
If you want to be a good friend, don’t make others feel like they owe you. Don’t keep track of who gave you the best gift or did you a favor. Do nice things for your friend because you care, not because you expect something back.
8. Encourage Their Growth
Do you wonder how to be a better friend? Typically, friends may push you to be the best version of yourself, and you should do the same for them.
Nicole Arzt, LMFT, explained how to encourage friends to grow.
Sometimes, the best way to encourage a friend to take care of themselves is by modeling it yourself. This means actively practicing good self-care and honoring your self-worth. It means establishing and implementing healthy boundaries. It also means letting your friend know that you always have their best interest at heart.
9. Initiate Communication
Making and keeping friends as an adult can be tricky, mainly because of busy work and family lives. But even with a packed schedule, you can usually find time for a quick call every couple of weeks.
Studies show that talking to someone at least once every 15 days is enough for them to see you as a close friend [5]. If you can’t meet face-to-face as often, keep communication open through texts, phone calls, or other digital means.
10. Be Non-Judgmental
Friendships grow stronger when both people feel accepted for who they are. Instead of criticizing or judging your friend’s choices or lifestyle, offer support and encouragement. Even if you don’t always agree, respect their decisions.
Among other things, being a better friend means remaining non-judgmental to help your friends feel safe and be themselves without worrying about rejection.
Why It’s Important to Be a Good Friend
How to be a better friend? Well, it isn’t just about being there when someone needs you—it’s about creating a positive, supportive, and healthy relationship that benefits both people. Here are some key reasons why being a better friend is so important:
1. Emotional Support
Good friends are there to listen when you need to talk or receive valuable feedback. Having solid support helps provide emotional relief in difficult times [6].
Being a better friend means offering that same emotional support in return, creating a safe space where both of you can freely express yourselves.
Typically, friends also celebrate your successes and help you learn from your mistakes.
2. Improved Emotional Balance
This is another reason to explore the ways to be a better friend. When you have strong, trusting relationships, you’re less likely to feel lonely [7]. Positive friendships help you feel validated, loved, and appreciated.
Moreover, the study published in National Library of Medicine, found that spending time with friends can boost your happiness [8].
Whether you’re laughing over coffee, talking about your dreams, or simply enjoying a quiet moment in each other’s company, the presence of good friends adds joy to life.
3. Better Communication
Friendships may teach you how to become a better friend and how to communicate better in other areas of your life. Naturally, when you care about someone, you want to understand their feelings, thoughts, and needs.
This, in turn, can improve your overall communication skills, making you a more empathetic and effective communicator.
How to Be a Better Friend: FAQs
1. How to become a better friend if I feel jealous in my friendship?
The jealousy level of insecure attachment people is significantly higher than that of secure attachment ones [9]. Thus, jealousy may be a signal of insecurities, and it’s worth reflecting on why you feel this way.
Instead of harboring negative feelings, use the opportunity to strengthen your own sense of self-worth.
2. How do I manage disagreements with friends?
Listen actively to your friend’s perspective without interrupting. Acknowledge their feelings and, if appropriate, apologize for your part in the issue. Managing disagreements is often about mutual understanding, patience, and the willingness to move forward.
3. What if I’m the one who needs more support from a friend?
Rather than waiting for them to figure it out, be honest about what you need. For example, you could say, “I’ve been feeling a bit off lately and could really use your support. It would mean a lot if you could just listen or offer some advice.”
The key to being a better friend is to express your needs without being accusatory.
4. How can I help my friend be more confident?
Try to compliment them on their achievements, talents, or qualities you admire, but be specific with your praise rather than generic. Instead of saying, “You’re great,” say, “I really admire how you handled that tough situation at work. You were so calm and collected.”
Encourage them to try things they might be uncertain about. Let them know you believe in them and offer to help them take small steps toward their goals.
5. How do I know when to give a friend space?
If your friend seems distant, it could be a sign that they need some space. Giving them a bit of time without pressuring them for explanations is one of the best ways to be a better friend.
For instance, you could say something like, “I’ve noticed you’ve been quieter lately. I just want you to know I’m here if you need anything, but I understand if you need some space.” Eventually, this lets your friend know that you respect their need for space but that you’re still there when they’re ready.
6. How can I be a better friend when my friend has different values or beliefs than me?
You can have a respectful conversation without it turning into an argument. Primarily, remember that the essence of your friendship should always come first. Focus on what you have in common instead of letting differences create distance
Moreover, if the disagreement is too big or emotional to ignore, it’s okay to agree to disagree.
We asked Nicole Arzt, LMFT, how to know when it’s time to let go of a friendship.
Letting go of a friendship is a deeply personal decision. You’re entitled to have your own values and boundaries in every relationship. If you no longer feel you’re getting much out of the friendship – or if the other person doesn’t seem to respect your needs – it may be time to reevaluate your dynamics. You deserve to spend time with people who care about you and honor your worth.
Sources
- American Psychological Association. The presence of a best friend buffers the effects of negative experiences. 2011.
- PLOS.Medicine. Social Relationships and Mortality Risk: A Meta-analytic Review. July, 2010.
- American Psychological Association. Self-disclosure and liking: A meta-analytic review. 1994.
- National Library of Medicine. On the benefits of giving as well as receiving autonomy support: mutuality in close friendships. March, 2006.
- Phys. org. “Physicists investigate ‘best friends forever. April, 2008.
- National Library of Medicine. Social Support and Resilience to Stress. May, 2007.
- American Psychological Association. The science of why friendships keep us healthy. June, 2023
- National Library of Medicine. The relative importance of friendship to happiness increases with age. July, 2023.
- National Library of Medicine. The influence of insecure attachment on undergraduates’ jealousy: the mediating effect of self-differentiation. August, 2023.
