Toxic people are mostly experienced as controlling, manipulative, and quite selfish. Yet, in the world of growing self-awareness, it can still be quite challenging to spot toxic patterns in yourself.
As such, we’ve created a simple yet effective toxicity quiz. This helpful tool will let you notice negative behavior in yourself and others. It is a fun way to take care of your own well-being and improve relationships by understanding how your actions impact others.
“Am I toxic?” quick quiz
Please pick one answer for each question on the test. Don’t shy away or overthink — just be honest. Your answers are intended to reveal more about your personality, so don’t feel scared to describe what you feel.
1. If someone criticizes you, how do you react?
- I immediately get defensive and emotionally explain why they’re wrong about me. (2 points)
- I take a moment to analyze and process it. Still, sometimes, it can make me feel uncomfortable or irritated. (1 point)
- I consider if there’s truth to it and try to improve it after following healthy dialogue about the feedback. (0 points)
2. Do you experience trust issues?
- Yes, I believe that most people are out to get me. (2 points)
- Sometimes, but I work on it and try to trust others around me more when warranted. (1 point)
- No, I believe trust is important in relationships with anyone. (0 points)
3. How do you react when someone gets more attention than you?
- Oh, I hate it! I always try to make things about me again. (2 points)
- I feel a little jealous, but don’t act on it. I understand that everyone deserves some attention. (1 point)
- I’m happy for them and don’t mind. Being the life of the party is cool, but seeing another person enjoying the spotlight is even better. (0 points)
4. How often do you blame others for your problems?
- Almost always — it’s rarely my fault. Sometimes, I just think that most people around me don’t understand how life works or how hard I have it. (2 points)
- Well, it can happen, especially if I’m very frustrated. Yet, I know I have some responsibility for anything that happens to me. (1 point)
- I take ownership of my life and choices. Even if things go wrong, I think about what I can learn rather than blaming others. (0 points)
5. If a friend shares good news, how do you feel?
- Jealous and a bit irritated — I wonder why good things never happen to me. (2 points)
- I understand that I need to be happy for them. Still, I’m a little jealous because I also want my life to be better. (1 point)
- I’m 100% excited for them and genuinely supportive. My friends are good people who deserve only positive things happening to them. (0 points)
6. Have you ever spread rumors or talked behind someone’s back?
- Yes, I can do this but only if people deserve it or if something really exciting to rumor about happens. (2 points)
- Maybe I did it once or twice, but I felt bad. I believe I will try hard to never repeat this experience. (1 point)
- No, I prefer to address things directly and discuss them with a person. None is perfect, and spreading rumors isn’t the best way out. (0 points)
7. Do you apologize when you’re wrong?
- Rarely — why should I if I wasn’t that wrong? (2 points)
- Sometimes, but it’s hard. (1 point)
- Yes, I take responsibility for my mistakes and don’t hesitate to say “sorry.” (0 points)
Conclusion: whether you have toxic traits
Now, it’s high time to tally up the totals. Calculate your points in the test and proceed to the results.
Please pay attention that this isn’t a diagnostic tool to reveal whether you live with the signs of toxicity or stay in a toxic relationship. It’s a rather fun and engaging way to learn more about your emotions and experiences.
0-5 points. It seems that you don’t have a toxic personality
Actually, you’re quite an empathetic person who has a strong emotional intelligence and many positive personality traits. You’re ready to support someone in a bad mood, congratulate them on achievements, and just share positive energy.
Tip: Don’t forget to take care of your own needs and well-being when caring about others. Sometimes, it might be draining to be good to everyone except yourself. So, it’s better to seek balance.
6-13 points. You’re likely to have some toxic personality traits
For the most part of your life, you seem to be really helpful and empathetic. Yet, when negative emotions get overwhelming, and anxiety hits, you can exhibit toxic traits.
Tip: Try to notice what situations and people contribute to this pattern. Maybe you’re in a toxic relationship and copy your partner’s habits. Otherwise, you might display negative behavior only around certain people. You could also carry past pains from old traumas that become triggered by other peoples’ success.
You can try Breeze’s mood tracker to notice your feelings. In some time, review your notes and check stats to gain comprehensive insights on why you might react this way.
14-20 points. The test shows that you may often be a toxic person
Well, certain people may perceive you as not a consistently friendly or supportive person. According to your answers, you can lie to get what you want, manipulate others, or act selfishly and this may influence relationships with your friends and family. So, this behavior might look toxic to some people and influence them badly.
Still, there’s always room for change, and recognizing the tendency is the first step toward getting more empathetic.
Here’s a pro tip from Katherine Scott, M.Ed/Ed.S, LMFT, “The first step toward making long lasting change is taking accountability for the potential impact your behaviors could have on others. We can become so lost in the weeds of arguing perspectives and which one holds more validity. However, the most brilliant shift in your perspective can be the acknowledgment that more than your perspective can exist AND is valid. Accountability does not mean you must adopt every claimed fault as your truth. Accountability is simply owning the fact that your behaviors can have different or negative impacts regardless of your intentions.”
FAQ
What is a toxic person?
A toxic person typically brings negativity to someone’s life. They may hurt you, neglect things that matter to you, make you lose hope in yourself, experience stress, etc.
Moreover, self-centered people may exhibit traits like blame-shifting, defensiveness, and entitlement, and gaslighting which might make it difficult to communicate effectively or resolve conflicts with them. [1]
Still, the term “toxic” might be slightly different for everyone. Jokes and statements that may be completely OK in some friend groups can be unacceptable for others. Thus, what one person perceives as harmless might be deeply hurtful to someone else, depending on their personal boundaries.
What are the 7 signs of a toxic person?
Here are the most common traits of someone who might negatively influence your emotional balance:
- Lying
- Manipulating and gaslighting
- Bullying
- Gossiping
- Disrespecting boundaries
- Constant criticism and pretending that everything is someone else’s fault
- Selfishness
- Minimizing
“My partner may sometimes be too irritable, critical, or controlling. It doesn’t happen quite often, only when they have difficult times. Are they toxic, or is it OK to behave this way sometimes? How to spot this difference?” Katherine Scott, M.Ed/Ed.S, LMFT, answers, “Someone having a bad day is different from someone who behaves badly during hard times. Toxicity within a relationship occurs when we experience hardship and are uncomfortable experiencing the hardship with a partner. If it happens 3 times or every time, toxicity can still haunt a relationship, especially if you notice your defences going up once you run into some human moments and you have to experience them with your partner. If you’d rather keep your experiences to yourself than share them with your partner, I would encourage you to stop and explore the ‘whys’ behind this.”
How to stop being toxic in a relationship?
If you want to leave current patterns in the past, try some simple yet effective tips.
Increase self-awareness
Being honest with yourself helps you recognize what needs to change. Treat yourself with kindness, and remember that every feeling matters. Ask yourself what situations evoke anger or desires to manipulate others. Perhaps explore these experiences with a therapist. There could be old wounds lurking beneath the surface motivating toxic behaviors.
Learn to regulate your emotions
Toxic people might perceive their emotions as something unchangeable or unmanageable . Yet, improving emotional intelligence is a great way to get more empathetic in relationships and approach others with more kindness.
Reach out to mental health professionals
If nothing seems to help, you can always speak to a therapist or another mental health provider. There’s nothing wrong with asking for help, especially if you want to become a better version of yourself.
Does this test provide a definitive result?
While self-assessment is a powerful tool to learn more about your personality, no test can tell you definitely what level of toxicity you live with. At least, because being a toxic person isn’t considered a mental disorder (yet it can stem from some common mental health conditions). [2]
Moreover, difficult behaviors often come from context rather than a fixed pattern. [4] So, even though you might have realized that your behavior feels related to what typically is called “toxic,” there’s no strict measure to it. Instead of labeling yourself, it may be better to reflect on specific behaviors and how they impact your relationships.
Sources
- Pleho Institute of Research, Language and Culture Journal. “How to Deal with Toxic People.” 2023
- National Library of Medicine. “Disorder Classification in the DSM-IV and DSM-5”
- Jurnal Impresi Indonesia (JII) . “Human Behavior in Social Context.” 2024
