Emotional abuse can cause you to feel helpless, lost, or trapped while also undermining your sense of self-worth. That’s why it’s critical to identify an emotionally abusive relationship as soon as you suspect one and to look for support from family members and your therapist.
The following questions of the emotional abuse test might come in handy when evaluating possible emotional abuse in relationships. Choose only one answer that best matches how you feel or what you’ve experienced in the situation described.
1. Is your partner often putting you down or criticizing you?
a) Yes, multiple times a day.
b) Sometimes, several times a week.
c) Rarely.
d) Never.
2. When something goes wrong, do they say, “This is all your fault,” or “This wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t done that”?
a) Yes, even though I had nothing to do with it, they blame me for everything.
b) Yes, they often blame me when things go wrong.
c) Sometimes, but they admit when it’s not my fault.
d) Never.
3. When you try to talk about something they did that upset you in relationships, does your partner deny it, saying, “I never said that” or “You’re imagining things”?
a) Yes, they always deny things, even when I know they happened.
b) Yes, they often deny things, even when I remember them clearly.
c) Sometimes, but I can usually prove them wrong and we move on.
d) Never.
4. Does your partner tell you that you’re “crazy” or “too emotional” when you express your feelings, like saying, “You’re just overreacting”?
a) Yes, they tell me that all the time.
b) Yes, they behave in a way that belittles my emotions more often than not.
c) Occasionally, but it doesn’t happen often.
d) Never.
5. Do you feel terrible when you visit your loved ones because your partner says things like “You love them more than me” or “You’re always choosing them over me”?
a) Yes, my partner guilt-trips me or gives me the silent treatment every time I spend time with others.
b) Yes, occasionally, they make me feel guilty for seeing others.
c) Sometimes, but I don’t feel guilty.
d) Never.
6. Does your partner tell you things like “You should be doing this instead of that” or “You shouldn’t be out so late” to dictate how you should spend money and time?
a) Yes, they constantly tell me what to do.
b) Yes, they tell me what I should be doing at least a few times per week.
c) Occasionally, but only when they are concerned about something.
d) Never.
7. Do they make statements like “You don’t want to see me angry” or “You’ll regret it if you don’t do what I say” during arguments to manipulate you into being nervous or afraid of what might happen if you disagree with them?
a) Yes, I’m always afraid of their reaction.
b) Yes, they often make me nervous about their anger or consequences.
c) Sometimes, but I try not to let it affect me.
d) Never.
8. Does your partner say things like “You don’t deserve my love right now” or “I’m not going to talk to you until you apologize” when you don’t live up to their expectations?
a) Yes, they withhold affection or love as punishment in our relationship.
b) Yes, sometimes they stop being affectionate when they’re upset.
c) Occasionally, but I don’t let it affect me much.
d) Never.
9. Does your partner use love as a bargaining chip in the relationship, saying things like “If you really loved me, you’d do this for me” or “I’ll give you attention once you change”?
a) Yes, they use affection or love to manipulate all the time.
b) Yes, they occasionally use it to get what they want.
c) Sometimes, but I don’t allow it to affect my choices.
d) Never.
10. Do you feel like you have to be on guard all the time because your partner can go from being lovely to being furious without warning?
a) Yes, they constantly experience severe mood fluctuations, and I’m on edge most of the time.
b) Yes, they can have mood changes, though I’m never sure why or when they will happen.
c) Sometimes, but mostly, I can forecast how they will behave.
d) Never or very rarely.
Interpreting Your Emotional Abuse Quiz Results
After completing the test, count the answers with which letter you selected the most frequently.
Mostly A
You are likely in an emotionally abusive relationship. It’s important to seek support from a mental health professional to discuss your situation and options for safety and healing.
Mostly B
You may be experiencing signs of emotional abuse in your relationship. While it may not be extreme, there are abusive patterns that need to be dealt with. Seeking therapy or support from trusted friends or family members can help clarify your situation.
Mostly C
Some aspects of emotional abuse may be present in your relationship. It might help to have an open conversation with your partner or seek professional advice on how to change some behavior and work on healthy conflict resolution in the relationship.
Mostly D
Based on the emotional abuse questionnaire results, you are in a healthy relationship, but it’s important to stay aware and deal with any potentially unhealthy or abusive behavior as it comes up.
Why Is Taking the Emotional Abuse Test Important?
Recognizing emotional abuse signs can be difficult, but it’s the first step toward healing. If, while taking an emotional abuse quiz, you answered “a” or “b” to several questions, it’s important to reach out to a mental health professional.
Remember, it’s important to prioritize your well-being. You deserve a relationship where you are safe, valued, and respected. If you feel emotionally abused, don’t be afraid to talk to someone you trust or a professional.
If you’re unsure whether past experiences are impacting your life today, taking a childhood trauma test can be a helpful step. Take the test and start your journey toward recovery.
FAQ
1. What is emotional abuse?
Emotional abuse, sometimes referred to as mental abuse, is a type of control and manipulation that damages a victim’s confidence, emotional health, and self-worth. Although mental abuse may be subtle and not as obvious as physical violence, it can be just as harmful. In order to control the victim, the abuser may use behavior like gaslighting, humiliation, threats, constant criticism, and withholding love or attention.
In addition to gaslighting and emotional manipulation, there are multiple forms of emotional abuse in relationships. Isolation, where the abuser limits or controls the victim’s interactions with others, is a damaging way to diminish their support network. Degradation is another form of abuse, involving consistently belittling or humiliating the victim, eroding their self-worth over time. These forms of abuse can be subtle yet profoundly damaging, often leaving lasting psychological scars on those affected.
2. What are 10 indicators of an emotionally abusive relationship?
Emotional abuse is often a misunderstood form of trauma, although the most damaging type of abuse that leads to long-term consequences for adults, according to several different researches on trauma [2]. The following warning signs could indicate emotional abuse:
- Constant criticism
- Gaslighting
- Isolation from friends, family, and support
- Excessive control
- Blame-shifting
- Verbal abuse
- Threats
- Withholding affection as a form of control or punishment
- Diminishing self-worth
- Frequent mood changes
3. Can someone be emotionally abusive and not know it?
We asked Rychel Johnson, M.S., LCPC, if someone can be emotionally abusive and not know it.
Yes, someone can be emotionally abusive without fully realizing it. Many behaviors that constitute emotional abuse—such as manipulation, criticism, or controlling tendencies—can stem from learned patterns, past trauma, or unresolved personal issues rather than malicious intent. Some people may believe they are acting out of love, protection, or frustration, unaware of the emotional harm they are causing. This lack of awareness, however, does not lessen the impact on the victim.
4. What are the symptoms of being a victim of psychological abuse?
Studies about the impact of emotional abuse confirm that being a victim of emotional abuse can lead to a range of emotional and psychological symptoms [2]. Anxiety, sadness, and a persistent sense of worthlessness are common among victims of psychological abuse. The abuser’s manipulation and control may cause their victim to suffer from low self-esteem, confusion, and fear of making decisions.
5. What Are The Stages Of Emotional Abuse?
Emotional abuse typically progresses in stages, with each stage becoming more intense and harmful to the victim, explains Sharon W Stark, a researcher from Monmouth University, in her book Psychology and Behavioral Health [3]:
1. Idealization or love-bombing
2. Isolating the victim from their loved ones
3. Gaslighting
4. Devaluation of the victim with constant insults, shifting the responsibility, and emotional attacks
5. Excessive control
6. Intensified abuse with threats, insults, financial abuse, or even physical abuse
7. Victim’s attempt to escape or their emotional breakdown
8. Cycle of return (if victim stays)
Sources
1. Heather L Dye. Is Emotional Abuse As Harmful as Physical and/or Sexual Abuse? 2019.
2. Yun, JY., Shim, G. & Jeong, B. Verbal Abuse Related to Self-Esteem Damage and Unjust Blame Harms Mental Health and Social Interaction in College Population. 2019.
3. Sharon W Stark. Psychology and Behavioral Health. April 2015.
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