“I’m fine. I’m totally fine.”
Even when life feels completely overwhelming or difficult, you won’t “bother others” and create even a minor inconvenience.
Am I right? Let me guess further. Maybe you grew up with a sibling who had special needs, and you feel like you lived with a lack of parents’ attention.
If yes, and these two conditions meet each other, there’s a high chance you are experiencing the glass child syndrome.
While some people consider it normal when parental attention isn’t divided equally, feeling invisible can be an example of childhood trauma. Perfectionism, pleasing people, and a compromised sense of self-worth are common traits among such people.
In this article, we’ll learn what glass child is, learn the meaning of this syndrome, its symptoms, and how it influences future life. Keep reading to check yourself with the glass child syndrome test and get insights on your well-being.
We all carry pieces of our past into the present. Sometimes, those experiences shape how we feel and communicate with others, even if we don’t notice it right away.
Glass Child — Meaning of the Syndrome
The term “glass child” or “glass kid” is relatively new. The term was first brought to light by Alicia Maples, who highlighted it in her 2010 TEDX talk.
What Does a “Glass Child” Mean?
It’s a kid who experiences specific challenges because of growing up with a sibling who has serious illnesses or disabilities.
The phenomenon draws attention to the fact that parents often “look through” such children, putting most of their effort into the other sibling.
What Is Glass Child Syndrome?
Following the idea that glass children often “live in the shadow” of their brothers and sisters, these kids may experience several hardships.
- Feeling of neglect
- Pressure to be perfect
- Lack of quality time with parents
- Tendency to prioritize the needs of the sibling
- The necessity to handle all the life issues independently (not to bother the parents)
- Feeling guilty or ‘bad’ for wanting more attention or care
- Feeling invisible
Parents often expect glass children to seem healthy and happy no matter how they feel inside. Moreover, in some families, a glass sibling feels an unspoken obligation to take care of the disabled brother or sister without creating any additional problems.
As you see, many manifestations might be quite similar to middle child syndrome. Consequently, such a kid may stay lonely, constantly asking, “Why do I feel empty?” This can lead to long-term effects on mental health, self-esteem, and interpersonal relationships.
Have you ever felt like a glass child?
What Causes the Glass Child Syndrome
Typically, in families where there’s a sibling with special needs, other children have a chance to develop a glass child syndrome. Here are the main issues siblings of glass kids can experience.
- Mental health conditions
- Development challenges
- Chronic illnesses and disabilities
- Substance use problems
- Criminal engagement
Nevertheless, it isn’t that simple. The core issue in such families lies in parents’ struggles or inability to divide parental attention equally.
As a result, siblings without special needs often deal with daily challenges and process emotions without the support of their loved ones. What’s more, glass children learn to cope with stress connected with the special needs household and sometimes even calm down their parents.
5 Glass Child Syndrome Symptoms
If you lived with a sibling who needed special care, you may have wished that your parents offered you more attention. You may also feel guilty for having needs.
But how can you understand that such a childhood has influenced your well-being? And how can people notice that they live with glass child syndrome as adults?
In fact, there are some symptoms that we’ll examine further.
Inability to Express Your Needs
You are problem-free, or at least that’s how you present yourself to the world. Many people consider you a friend who’s always in hand, ready to help, support, and listen.
At the same time, you struggle to talk about your concerns or vulnerabilities. It is much easier to say, “Everything is OK,” rather than share your problems even if the person can help.
On top of that, glass child symptoms involve an inability to understand and express what you need. Most often, you’re hyper-independent and tend to handle everything alone, neglecting your physical and emotional needs.
Quote from Nicole Arzt, LMFT, “If you experience glass child syndrome, the idea of expressing needs to others can feel so threatening. You don’t want to burden others. But it’s deeper than that — in childhood, even if it wasn’t intentional, it was reinforced that your needs just weren’t as important. Therefore, it can be challenging to validate that you’re even allowed to have needs in the first place.”
People Pleasing
What does it mean to be a glass child? Sometimes, it involves the necessity to “deserve” love and attention. You needed to forgive your siblings for acting out, help your parents cope with emotional pressure, and make everyone happy just to receive a fleeting moment of approval.
When doing this too often in the early years, many people take this behavioral pattern into adulthood.
Putting the needs of everyone around higher than yours, as well as the inability to say “no,” are signs of a fawn trauma response, which is common among glass children.
Relying on Others for Validation
“I feel invisible, and if I don’t make others feel better, I fear they won’t care about me. My worth depends on their happiness.”
A compromised sense of self-worth is common for glass siblings. Similarly to children of narcissistic parents, they often feel that they need to deserve love and affection because “they aren’t good enough.”
However, except for having people-pleasing tendencies, these people’s self-esteem might rely heavily on external approval.
What is a glass child? Quite often, it can be someone who experiences self-doubt and insecurity, feeling only as good as the praise or recognition received.
Because of this, such people can try to be overachievers in everything they do. From a successful career to a fit body to taking care of others well, they will do everything to feel worthy.
Feeling Lonely and Isolated
Growing up while not receiving enough attention can leave a deep impact on a person’s mental health. This is why glass kids may feel lonely even in adulthood.
For example, you might go to group fitness training in the morning, spend the whole day in the office with colleagues, grab some coffee with friends, and watch a movie with your partner in the evening afterward. Seems like a great day, right?
But even surrounded by hundreds of people, those with glass child syndrome can feel lonely. Why is it so? Inside, they are still those kids who crave attention and support from their parents.
Interestingly, past feelings of loneliness are one of the main answers to the question, “Why do I hate my birthday?” As many children, especially those with disabled siblings, might stay alone on this holiday, they can still have unpleasant associations with it.
Perfectionism
Last but not least, perfectionism in glass children stems from the same feeling of relying on others for validation. They believe that if everything is flawless, they can alleviate some of their parents’ stress and gain the attention they crave.
As a result, many people with this syndrome carry their perfectionism to adulthood and use it as an insidious coping mechanism to handle the challenges.
You can notice this drive for perfection in different aspects of your life, from education to sports activities and even friendships and relationships.
Long-Lasting Effects of Glass Child Syndrome in Adults
Have you seen Netflix’s TV series “Stranger Things”? If yes, you probably remember Max Mayfield, who was often overshadowed by her older brother Billy. This character is a perfect example of glass child traits.
As a result of such family dynamics, Max suppressed her needs and emotions, taking on a more self-reliant and supportive role. She often dealt with her challenges independently and tried not to burden others with her problems.
How can this situation influence a person’s future? Let’s find out.
Childhood Trauma
What is glass child syndrome? In a nutshell, this is behavior that often stems from childhood trauma. Being outshined by a sibling with special needs can result in feelings of neglect, which significantly influences psychological growth.
Parentification trauma is common in glass children. Because of the necessity to care for a sibling, such kids often take parental roles. They need to “grow up” faster than their peers and can’t experience all the joys of childhood.
Betrayal trauma happens when parents become too busy with the needs of the sibling with special needs and leave the emotional security needs of another child uncovered. In this case, glass siblings may feel neglected and abandoned by the closest people, which can lead to feelings of betrayal and isolation.
Difficulty Setting Boundaries
Having its roots in childhood trauma, problems with saying “no” and setting boundaries can influence glass kids’ adulthood significantly.
Professionally, it might be difficult for such people to negotiate for a fair salary, advocate for their career growth, or establish a healthy work-life balance.
They can purposefully opt for excessive workload and additional tasks to deserve recognition. Or, if others ask them for help, they can’t just refuse.
With friends and family, people having glass child symptoms might undervalue their needs for others’ comfort. Does your friend ask you to lend some money? You’ll definitely do it, even though you have to stretch your finances until your next paycheck.
Problems with Building Relationships
Attachment trauma is another possible outcome of glass child syndrome. You can develop an insecure or dismissive avoidant attachment that will make it much more challenging to build healthy romantic relationships.
How can it manifest?
Grown-up glass children may have difficulties with intimacy and vulnerability. Have you ever heard from your partner a question like, “Why are you so emotionally unavailable?” If yes, that’s it!
There are the most common things you can unintentionally do in relationships.
- Struggle to express emotions openly
- Avoid closeness
- Push your partner away when you feel vulnerable
- Seek reassurance of love
- Feel scared of abandonment
If forming deep, meaningful connections is challenging for you, it might be helpful to start with Breeze’s emotional intelligence test. After passing it, you’ll get a personalized development plan to help you take the first steps to more healthy and fulfilling relationships.
Glass Child Syndrome Test
Now that you know enough about the term “glass child” and its meaning, let’s take a quick test to check whether you experience this syndrome.
Disclaimer. Don’t consider this test as an official diagnosis or substitute for professional medical advice. Use it to learn more about yourself and pinpoint potential well-being issues.
- Did you grow up with a sibling who had significant physical or emotional needs?
- Do you often feel like you need to be perfect to avoid disappointing others?
- Have you often suppressed your own emotions to avoid burdening others?
- Do you find it difficult to prioritize your needs over the needs of others most of the time?
- Have you always experienced a feeling of invisibility in your family?
- Do you tend to seek approval from others to feel worthy?
- Have you ever taken on responsibilities beyond your age to help your family?
- Have you always felt overshadowed by a sibling or another family member?
- Do you find it hard to express your own opinions or desires in most situations?
- Have you all of the time experienced anxiety or stress related to your parents’ behavior?
Do you feel something similar but didn’t have a relative who needed special attention? It might be helpful to take a lost inner child test to learn more about your well-being.
What about the results?
Calculate how many times you answered “yes” in the questions above. The more affirmatives, the greater your likelihood of experiencing glass child syndrome symptoms.
Whatever your result, remember that you’re not alone with the problem. You can always seek help from partners and friends, participate in support groups, or contact a therapist. Be patient with yourself and prioritize your emotional healing to cope with the symptoms and regain a sense of inner peace and fulfillment.
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