Glass Child Syndrome — When Love Comes with Loneliness

You’ve always been the one who didn’t want to cause trouble — even when things felt overwhelming, you kept it all inside. Maybe you grew up with a sibling who experienced a chronic illness, and somewhere along the way, your needs faded into the background. If this sounds familiar, you may live with so-called glass child syndrome.

While some people consider it normal when parental energy and attention aren’t divided equally, feeling invisible can be a manifestation of childhood trauma. In this article, we’ll learn what glass child syndrome is, its meaning, and how it influences the family system and a healthy child’s future life. 

Take a quick and simple test to check whether you live with childhood trauma and get personalized insights on what to do with it.

Glass child: meaning of the syndrome

A glass child is the sibling of someone with special needs or a serious medical condition, who often grows up feeling emotionally neglected or overlooked, as the family’s attention is primarily focused on the child with special needs. They might believe that they are in the shadow of a disabled child, as their struggles go unnoticed because so much attention is focused on their sibling.

The term “glass kid,” or “invisible child,” is relatively new. Alicia Maples first introduced it in her 2010 TEDx talk. [1] The phenomenon shows how parents often “look through” such children, putting most effort into the other sibling. Despite appearing strong and self-sufficient, glass kids may silently carry loneliness, guilt, or emotional suppression.

Following the idea that glass children “live in the shadow” of their brothers and sisters, these kids may experience several hardships. 

• Feeling of neglect
• Pressure to be perfect
• Lack of quality time with parents
• Tendency to prioritize the needs of a child with developmental disabilities
• The necessity to handle all life issues and their own needs independently (not to bother the parents)
• Negative emotions about wanting more attention or care

Family members can expect to see their children growing healthy and happy, no matter how they feel inside. Moreover, many glass children may feel an unspoken obligation to take care of the disabled brother or sister without creating any additional problems.

Such a kid may stay lonely, constantly asking, “Why do I feel empty?” Such manifestations might be pretty similar to middle child syndrome. This can lead to long-term effects on mental health, self-esteem, and interpersonal relationships.

What causes the glass child syndrome

Siblings of glass children might experience mental health conditions, developmental challenges, substance use problems, or even criminal engagement. While it influences overall dynamics, the core issue in such families isn’t that someone is chronically ill. It lies in parents’ struggles or inability to divide parental attention equally. 

As a result, siblings without special needs often deal with daily challenges and process emotions without the support of their loved ones. They may also feel isolated and even experience self-loathing, which can lead them to develop glass child syndrome.

5 glass child syndrome symptoms

If you lived with a sibling who needed special care, you may have wished that your parents offered you more attention and extra support. You might also feel guilty for having needs. 

As such, now you may feel invisible during social interactions, have difficulties due to the internalisation of family roles or life conditions, and experience persistent self‐blame. These manifestations are pretty common among people with glass child syndrome. [2] Here are also five other common signs:

1. Inability to express your needs

You are problem-free, or that’s how you present yourself to the world. Many consider you a friend who’s always on hand, ready to help, support, and listen. At the same time, you struggle to talk about your negative feelings or vulnerabilities because of past emotional neglect. It is much easier to say, “Everything is OK,” than share your problems.

On top of that, glass child symptoms involve an inability to understand and express what you need. Most often, you’ve developed coping skills of being hyper-independent and able to handle everything alone.

2. People pleasing

Being a healthy sibling sometimes involves the necessity to “deserve” love and attention. You needed to forgive the special needs child for acting out, help your parents cope with emotional pressure from a young age, and make everyone happy just to receive a moment of approval.

When doing this too often in the early years, many people take this behavioral pattern and forget about their childhood. Putting the needs of everyone around you higher than yours, as well as the inability to say “no,” are signs of a fawn trauma response.

3. Relying on others for validation

A compromised sense of self-worth is common for glass siblings. Similarly to children of narcissistic parents, they often feel that “they aren’t good enough.” Noticeably, those receiving support from their family members may, on the other hand, feel a greater sense of self-worth, and this enhanced self-esteem may be a psychological resource. [3]

However, except for having people-pleasing tendencies, their self-esteem might rely heavily on external approval. Quite often, it can be someone who experiences self-doubt and insecurity because they didn’t receive enough praise or recognition from a primary caregiver.

Because of this, such people can try to be overachievers in everything they do from an early age. From a successful career to a fit body to caring for others well, they will do everything to be worthy.

4. Feeling lonely and isolated

Growing up while not receiving enough family support can leave a profound impact on a person’s mental health, and this wound can have a psychological impact in adulthood. For example, you might go to group fitness training in the morning, spend the whole day in the office with colleagues, grab coffee with friends, and watch a movie with your partner in the evening. But even surrounded by hundreds of people, those with glass child syndrome can feel lonely. 

This is because inside, they are still those kids who crave attention and support from their parents. Interestingly, past feelings of loneliness are one of the main answers to the question, “Why do I hate my birthday?” As many children, especially those with disabled siblings, might stay alone on this holiday, they can still have unpleasant associations with it.

5. Perfectionism

Perfectionism in glass children stems from relying on others for validation. They believe that if everything is flawless, they can alleviate some of their parents’ stress and gain the support they crave. 

As a result, many people with this syndrome carry their perfectionism to adulthood and use it as an insidious coping mechanism to handle the challenges. You can notice this drive in your life, from education to sports activities, friendships, and relationships.

Long-lasting effects of glass child syndrome in adults on mental health

Let’s find out how being a glass child can influence a person’s future and what mental health issues it can cause.

1. Childhood trauma

Glass child syndrome may stem from childhood trauma. Being outshone by a sibling with special needs can result in feelings of neglect, which significantly influences young people’s psychological growth. Even more, childhood trauma victims exhibit low self-esteem and experience depression and anxiety, which can be typical for glass children. [4]

• Parentification trauma is common in glass children. Because of the necessity to care for a sibling with special needs, such kids often take parental roles. They need to “grow up” faster than their peers and can’t experience all the joys of childhood. 

• Betrayal trauma happens when parents become too busy with a sibling with special needs and leave the emotional security of another child uncovered. In this case, glass siblings may feel neglected and abandoned by the closest people, leading to feelings of betrayal and isolation.

2. Difficulty setting boundaries

Rooted in childhood trauma, problems with saying “no” and setting boundaries can profoundly impact glass kids’ adulthood. Professionally, it might be difficult for such people to negotiate for a fair salary, advocate for their career growth, or establish a healthy work-life balance. 

They can purposefully opt for excessive workload and additional tasks that deserve recognition. Or, if others ask them for help, they can’t just refuse. With friends and family, people having glass child symptoms might undervalue their needs for others’ comfort.

3. Problems with building relationships

Attachment trauma is another possible mental health outcome of glass child syndrome. You can develop an insecure or dismissive avoidant attachment that will make it much more challenging to build healthy romantic relationships.

Grown-up glass children may have difficulties with intimacy and vulnerability. Have you ever heard from your partner a question like, “Why are you so emotionally unavailable?” If yes, this can stem from family dynamics. There are the most common things you can unintentionally do in relationships.

• Struggle to express emotions openly
• Avoid closeness 
• Push your partner away when you feel vulnerable 
• Seek reassurance of love
• Feel scared of abandonment

If forming deep, meaningful connections is challenging for you, it might be helpful to start with Breeze’s emotional intelligence test. After passing it, you’ll get a personalized development plan to help you take the first steps to healthier and fulfilling relationships.

Glass child syndrome test

Now that you know enough about how glass children tend to behave, let’s take a quick test to check whether you experience this syndrome. Don’t consider it an official diagnosis or substitute for professional consultation with mental health professionals. Use it to learn more about yourself and pinpoint potential well-being issues.

1. Did you grow up with the other child who had a chronic condition?
2. Do you often feel like you need to be perfect to avoid disappointing others?
3. Have you often suppressed your emotions to avoid burdening others?
4. Do you find it challenging to prioritize your needs over the needs of others most of the time?
5. Have you always experienced a feeling of invisibility in your family?
6. Do you tend to seek approval from others?
7. Have you ever taken on responsibilities beyond your age to help your family?
8. Have you always felt overshadowed by a special needs sibling or another family member?
9. Do you find it hard to express your opinions or desires in most situations?
10. Have you ever experienced anxiety or stress related to your parents’ behavior?

If you feel something similar but don’t have a relative who needs special attention, taking a lost inner child test might be helpful. It will let you dig deeper into your mental health and learn more about where these feelings come from.

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The invisible child syndrome test results

Calculate how many times you answered “yes” in the questions above. The more affirmatives, the greater your likelihood of experiencing glass child syndrome symptoms.

Whatever your result, remember that you’re not alone with the problem. You can always seek help from partners and friends, participate in support groups, or reach out for mental health support. Remember that it’s vital to be patient with yourself and prioritize your emotional healing to regain a sense of inner peace and fulfillment.

Parenting a glass child

If you are a parent who takes care of a special needs child and wants to support other kids so they don’t grow up with post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety disorders, or any other challenges that require mental health treatment, this section is for you. 

Raising a child with special needs requires enormous time, energy, and emotional resources. But in the process, it can be easy to overlook the needs of their sibling unintentionally. So, here are some ways to support your glass child:

1. Set up time for their own needs and emotions

A healthy child should need some space only for themselves and their parents. This should be a safe place where they can be heard, supported, and loved, without feeling guilty about taking attention away from their sibling.

2. Help them name and validate their feelings

Let your child know that it’s OK to experience any emotions toward a chronic illness of their sibling, other family members, or any other life situations. When emotions are named and accepted, they lose their power to cause shame. 

In addition, you can try using Breeze’s mood tracker together. It can be fun for younger siblings to explore their emotional world and open conversations that might otherwise stay bottled up.

3. Balance responsibilities

Avoid placing adult-level expectations on your child. They may feel obligated to help more than they should, which can influence sibling relationships and overall family dynamics. Instead, you can ask for help with age-appropriate tasks and clarify that their main goal is to be a child, learn, play, and grow. Let them know that while helping is appreciated, their worth in the family isn’t tied to how much they do for others.

4. Seek family support together

Most parents might not think how vital it is for kids to process their emotions with a licensed professional or in sibling support groups. But having a safe space outside the home — where your kid can express themselves without fear of judgment or comparison with the other child with a chronic illness — can be incredibly healing. 

In therapy, a glass child learns to feel less alone, accept their experiences, and use coping tools. Even attending a few sessions together as a family can strengthen your bond, improve communication, and show your child that their emotional world matters.

Sources

1. TEDx Talks. “TEDxSanAntonio – Alicia Maples – Recognizing Glass Children”
2. Hanvey, Imogen & Malovic, Aida & Ntontis, Evangelos. (2022). “Glass children: The lived experiences of siblings of people with a disability or chronic illness.” Journal of Community & Applied Social Psychology.
3. Thomas PA, Liu H, Umberson D. “Family Relationships and Well-Being.” Innov Aging. 2017
4. European Journal of Trauma & Dissociation. “The impact of childhood trauma on children’s wellbeing and adult behavior.” 2022