I don’t know what to do with my life! Help! As a former therapist, I’ve heard this countless times from clients. Feeling lost in life is a stressful, lonely place. Some people can get stuck in this spot for years. I don’t want that to happen to you. Fortunately, digging within yourself can help you connect to your true passions.
I’m Emily Mendez, an ex-therapist. In this article, I‘m gonna share 16 tips for how to figure out what to do with your life.
“I don’t know what to do with my life” – What’s behind it?
Younger people often say, “Idk what to do with my life.” It’s possible you simply haven’t connected with yourself enough to know what you want.
People who feel lost can also be dealing with self-sabotage, fear of failure, fear of success, or depression.
If you’re saying I have no idea what to do with my life after age 30 or 40, it may be time to work with a therapist to discover your passions. You may need to unpack some childhood experiences.
How to figure out what to do with your life: 16 tips
Here are 16 tips to help you if you don’t know what to do with your life.
1. Do some shadow work
Why can’t I figure out what I want to do with my life? It’s possible that you haven’t actually met yourself.
Shadow work is the exploration of parts of you that have been repressed or ignored. It requires looking into past hurts and traumas. In the end, you’ll integrate all parts of yourself to enjoy wholeness.
In my experience, many clients who say I don’t know what to do with my life are actually saying I don’t know who I am.
Beginning the process can be as easy as answering shadow work questions. The shadow self is a concept used by Carl Jung to describe parts of ourselves that we either suppress or don’t acknowledge. Meanwhile, this stranger within us is calling the shots in our lives from behind the scenes.
Living with a shadow self feels like I have no idea what I’m doing in our careers and relationships. How do you make decisions when you’re a stranger to yourself?
If you’re struggling to figure out what you want, exploring unconscious aspects may help to release fear and confusion.
2. Abandon the idea of a “life’s purpose”
Many people think they have to achieve something to matter as a person. The truth is that not everyone is fueled by a great mission. Yes, it’s true, some people discover a passion early on that drives all of their life choices. This is rare.
I don’t know what I want to do with my life. But why don’t I know what I want to do with my life? A number of things could be going on. See if any of these strikes cords:
- Your motivations and values are different from what’s valued in your household. Let’s say you have high-achieving siblings who value money or titles. If that’s not what you value, you may have a hard time finding your own passion because other pursuits are looked down on in your family.
- You were never encouraged to pursue your talents or interests as a child.
- You’re afraid of feeling like a failure if you don’t succeed when trying new things.
What do you do when you don’t know what to do? The next obvious step is good enough. Not everyone has a big, grand purpose that drives their decisions.
You can still find purpose in creating a full life. I’ve seen so many clients give up great opportunities because they didn’t feel “important” enough.
3. Decide what you don’t want to do with your life
I don’t know what to do with my life and I’m scared! I’m going to get practical with this next tip. Decide what you definitely don’t want to do.
Make a list! Name five situations that you strongly dislike. For example, your list might look like this:
- Spending time alone.
- Feeling isolated.
- Uncertainty.
- Feeling helpless.
- Doing the same things over and over again.
If I were helping a person who made this list move forward, I’d know a few things immediately. This person would probably be miserable in a desk job with little in-person interaction. They like to feel connected. They also like predictability.
My suggestion would be that this person would be happiest in a fast-paced environment that involves clients or patients. What are your dislikes revealing about what you want in life?
4. Decide what you’re running from
I can’t figure out what to do with my life. I remember when a client said these words to me after sitting down in my office for the first time. She had switched majors three times in two years.
As time went on, we discovered she was carrying a lot of emotional baggage from her strict parents. They expected perfection. When my client didn’t achieve perfection, she abandoned things. Each major switch had been preceded by a non-A+ grade on an exam.
Her subconscious mind had found a workaround for avoiding failure that would disappoint her parents. She would just drop things. If you’re in the “Don’t know what I want to do with my life” category, make sure you’re not running from something.
5. Explore depression as a factor for what to do when you don’t know what to do with your life
I’m depressed because I don’t know what to do with my life. Why do I feel sad for now reason? Could it be that you don’t know what to do with your life because you’re depressed? Mental health issues can make moving forward impossible.
Researchers point out that depression can make it hard to think. Many people with depression experience reduced decision-making capacity. Being treated for depression or anxiety may help you think clearly about the future.
6. Think about the last time you lost track of time
What am I supposed to do with my life? Okay, what do you love? Think about the last time you lost track of time. I’m talking about getting so caught up in an activity you didn’t think about anything else! This could help you to get an idea of what matters to you.
I’m not saying that everyone can expect to get paid to do what they love. However, knowing your likes and dislikes is a starting point!
7. Consider that you have a fear of success
I still don’t know what I want to do with my life now that I’m an adult. Why can’t I figure out what I want to do with my life? Many people are surprised that “underachievers” often suffer from fear of success.
If you’ve been stuck in “not sure what to do with my life” mode for years, it may be this:
- Fear of change: You’re so afraid of change that you’d rather stay stuck than excel.
- Backlash avoidance: You fear that your success will change relationship dynamics or cause loved ones to lash out.
- Imposter syndrome: You don’t feel that you have the skills or competency to achieve what you want in life.
8. Let go of embarrassment
People who say, “I can’t figure out what to do with my life” often have secret identities. Some are secret writers, and others are secret singers.
However, they would be mortified if anyone they knew actually knew! You will often flounder in life if your subconscious feels that you’re not being authentic.
Sharing our talents takes vulnerability. Consider that you’re stagnant because you’re afraid to be embarrassed.
9. Decide “who” you want to be instead of “what” you want to be
The “What am I supposed to do with my life” question usually refers to your career. However, we are more than our jobs. Feel stuck? Ask who you want to be instead of what you want to be.
Take the pressure off of finding the perfect career for a moment. Think about the traits you’d like to cultivate instead. You might find that you also reach career goals along the way!
10. Be careful about your inspirations
There’s nothing wrong with having role models. However, it can be easy to get caught up in someone else’s dream. Don’t assume you have to follow the same trajectory as your role models. Give yourself the grace to work at your own pace.
11. Set realistic goals
Discover what to do with your life in baby steps. If you’re in “I have no idea what I’m doing” mode right now, here are some tips to stop the spiral:
- Do one thing today that you’ll thank yourself for in a month. This could be sending out a resume, connecting with a good career contact, or just going to the gym.
- If you’re struggling with the basics, commit to doing three acts of self-care by noon every day. They can be as simple as making the bed or feeding yourself breakfast.
- If you have a career goal, set a deadline for getting a new position or enrolling in training that will get you to your goal.
12. Don’t punish yourself until you “get there”
Some people feel like they don’t deserve joy until they get their lives together. They feel like they can only begin life once they get everything in order. If you feel empty, it’s okay to do things that make you feel alive while waiting to figure things out.
13. Ask for help
I don’t know what I want to do with my life are states that can feel like a shameful secret. What should I do if I don’t know what to do with my life? Let the people around you know you’re stuck.
Some may have suggestions. Others may simply commiserate. The more important thing is that you’ll feel an incredible weight being lifted from your shoulders.
14. Look at age as nothing more than a number
I’ve seen so much self-induced pressure as a therapist. People often put artificial timers on when they should begin a career, get married, buy a house, or reach other milestones. When we stop changing, we stop growing. Look at the “not sure what to do with my life” problem as an exciting challenge.
15. Assess your risk tolerance
People can give some pretty fantastical advice for how to figure out what to do with your life. It usually involves huge, impulsive changes. You don’t have to go big to find happiness.
16. Take responsibility for your life
Why don’t I know who I am? Why am I so unhappy? What if I don’t know what to do with my life after 40? There’s a good chance you’ve been living for other people. It’s time to get in the driver’s seat.
Is it okay if you don’t know what to do with your life?
Yes, 100%! We aren’t born with a natural skill for how to know what to do with your life. However, chronic indecisiveness or self-sabotage could indicate underlying issues. This is usually the case when you have patterns of abandoning projects or giving up on things.
You may also lack the life experience to know what makes you tick. We sometimes don’t know ourselves enough to know our gifts and talents.
In a culture where people are supposed to choose a life path by the time they graduate high school, it’s easy to feel like you’re behind. We may also be too afraid to go after what we want.
Some suppress their true life goals in favor of something more acceptable. Work with a therapist to uncover what’s motivating your feelings and actions.