Happiness. What does this word mean to you?
For some, it’s about a big and cheerful family gathering for barbecues every holiday. For others, it’s about constant traveling and exploring all corners of the globe. At the same time, some people dream of a successful career and millions of dollars in their bank accounts.
While happy life seems different for everyone, the feeling of happiness is similar. It’s like a warm, comforting glow that spreads through your body, bringing a sense of lightness.
Yet, despite the universal desire for happiness, many of us wonder, “Why am I so unhappy with my life?”
In this article, we’ll dwell on the most common reasons why you’re feeling empty. Let’s learn the factors that ruin our happiness and answer the question, “I’ve never been happy. How can I change it?”
TL;DR. Feeling Not Happy With Your Life
- Happiness means different things to various people. Despite this, many find themselves questioning, “Why am I unhappy?”.
- Internal factors contributing to unhappiness include depression and other mental health conditions, childhood trauma, and self-comparison. Negative thinking habits like black-and-white thinking and catastrophizing also play a role.
- External stresses like money problems, bad relationships, or lack of meaningful connections can also weigh heavily.
- Through therapy, self-reflection, and support networks you can move from the, “I am unhappy” state and find a path to a happier life.
Why Can’t I Be Happy? Internal Factors
So, you’ve ruled out depression. Nevertheless, that burning feeling inside still hurts, and you live with an unspoken question, “Why am I always unhappy?”
In this section, we’ll dig into the psychological roots of ongoing unhappiness, uncovering the factors that may contribute to it.
Other Mental Health Conditions
Even though depression is a common reason why people feel unhappy with their lives, it isn’t the only one. Many other mental illnesses often cause feelings of sadness and hopelessness.
Let’s enlist the most common ones.
- Anxiety disorders
- Bipolar disorder
- Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
- Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)
- Borderline personality disorder (BPD)
- Schizophrenia
- Substance use disorders
- Eating disorders
- Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)
Delving deeper into your mental health might help answer the question, “Why am I always so unhappy?” It’s vital to get in touch with your healthcare provider if you experience warning tendencies and signs.
Childhood trauma
“Life is sad.”
When was the first time you caught yourself thinking something like that?
It could happen in childhood when your parents argued frequently, forced you to be “perfect” in everything you did, or neglected your emotional needs. Even though you might believe that it hasn’t influenced your future, in many cases, it has.
Stop for a while and think about, “Why am I so unhappy with myself?” Whose voice do you “hear” in your head? Mum’s, dad’s, or grandparents’ saying, “You’re not good enough?” These can also be classmates giggling, “You won’t achieve anything, loser.”
Your lost inner child was emotionally frozen at that time. This is why you can feel frustrated and dissatisfied now, even though your life is going pretty well.
What’s more, sometimes this traumatizing experience may hide deeper than you think. The questions, “Why am I so unhappy?” and “Do I have trauma I don’t remember?” can go together.
Self-comparison & low self-esteem
Do you remember us talking about the feeling “I am not good enough”? In fact, 85% of people struggle with self-confidence issues at some point.
We often compare ourselves to others. Scrolling through TikTok or searching the Instagram feed, we ask ourselves, “Why can’t I be as rich as Adam?” or “Why can’t I be as beautiful as Elen?”
Viviana Greco, PhD, comments, “There are two types of social comparison: upward and downward. Upward comparison occurs when we compare ourselves to others who we perceive as “superior” or better in some way, while downward comparison happens when we compare ourselves to those we perceive as “inferior”. It has been suggested that the former can particularly lead to feelings of low self-esteem and incompetence.”
Why can’t I just be happy?
This constant comparison only enlarges the emotional baggage we carry in our hearts and behind our shoulders. Even more, it lowers our confidence and diminishes our sense of self-worth.
But the truth is, when you feel flooded with everyone’s success, remember that it has an overwhelming effect. Some get married while others build careers, others become bloggers, and others build startups.
It’s impossible to keep up with everyone at once. And if you try to do this, you’ll face the side effects, like not being happy with life.
You have your unique journey, and competing with anyone is unnecessary. Move at your own pace.
Negative thinking patterns
In many cases, the answer to the question, “Why am I so negative and unhappy?” lies in how you think.
It might stem from childhood, communication with people, or even your mentality. However, the outcome is the same: these patterns might be a guaranteed formula for life dissatisfaction.
- Black-and-white thinking. “If it’s not absolutely perfect, then it failed. I feel like a failure.”
- Overgeneralization. “Because this work task went wrong, everything in my life is a disaster.”
- Jumping to conclusions. “I have no evidence, but I’m sure they hate me.”
- Catastrophizing. “I spilled a drink at the meeting. Now I’ll be fired for incompetence!”
- Emotional reasoning. “I feel worthless right now, so I’m certain everyone else must see me that way too.”
Negative self-talk may lead to questions like, “Why do I hate myself?” If you notice such patterns in your behavior, it’s vital to work on replacing them with kinder and more realistic thoughts and checking your real mental age with this test.
External Factors That Cause Unhappiness
Internal reasons aren’t the only ones that can make you question, “Why am I so unhappy all the time?” Many external factors also cause stress and lead to excessive worrying and sadness.
We’ll take a look at the most common ones below.
Financial problems
Can money buy happiness? This is the question for everyone to answer. Still, 60% of Americans say “Yes!”
We can’t deny that constant worrying about lack of finances can lower our quality of life.
Moreover, the need to solve these problems often leads to taking on tedious tasks or working more, destroying work-life balance and leading to emotional burnout.
This is why so many people stay unhappy at work.
But there’s another side of the coin. You can worry about finances even when everything seems good, which also influences your well-being.
Remember Scrooge McDuck from Disney’s “DuckTales.” Despite his immense wealth, Scrooge often feels unhappy and stressed due to his obsession with money and the constant worry about losing it.
So, if you face the question, “Why am I so negative and unhappy?”, it might be helpful to think about how your financial worries affect your happiness.
Unhealthy relationships
Most people understand that toxic relationships, emotional neglect, gaslighting, emotional and financial abuse affect their happiness and mental health. Still, there are many less noticeable reasons that make us feel bad.
“Why am I so unhappy in my marriage?” Here are some non-obvious reasons:
- Unresolved past conflicts
- Lack of personal space
- Unmet expectations
- Emotional unavailability
- Imbalance in effort
- Lack of appreciation
- Different life goals
Do you think this is only about love and romantic connection? Actually, communication with negative people around us — no matter who they are — can make us feel unhappy.
Whether it’s a demanding boss, a critical friend, or a family member, their negativity can seep into our personal lives. So, when asking yourself, “Why am I so unhappy in my relationship?” consider all your interactions, not just those with your partner.
Lack of socialization
All of us have different communication needs. While some like to spend their weekends in their homes, others feel happy in big companies.
Besides, a lack of socialization and social support can make anyone think, “I’m so unhappy.”
Do you work from home, order food from a local store, and have a friend living on the other continent? Or do you visit the office every day and spend evenings with your family but don’t have anyone to go out with? The only thing that matters is that loneliness can still creep in.
Viviana Greco, PhD, adds, “Previous research has shown that both the quantity and quality of social interactions can make us feel happier. Interacting with people we trust and know well, or having more in-depth conversations, can significantly enhance our happiness.”
So, why am I so unhappy and angry?”
Maybe you feel surrounded by a fog isolating you from the vibrancy of life. In this case, seeking meaningful connections and reaching out to others can help you break through the isolation.
Being Unhappy. What Does It Mean?
From minor sadness because you couldn’t find your favorite chocolate bar in the shop to deep grief because of the loss of a loved one — what does it mean to be “not happy”?
Oxford Learner’s Dictionaries defines “unhappiness” as the feeling of not being pleased or satisfied with something. Thus, people can be unhappy for many reasons, whether big or small.
Moreover, feeling unsatisfied with life is completely normal. You can face the question, “Why do I feel sad for no reason?” on any random day, and it will be completely OK.
The alarming sign is when this frustration is persistent. If the question, “Why am I so unhappy when I have everything?” constantly lingers in your mind, it may highlight a deeper issue.
Here are some other signs that you need to pay more attention to your well-being:
- Persistent sadness
- Lack of interest in anything
- Low Energy
- Feeling unmotivated
- Sleep & dieting problems
- Lack of concentration
- Social Withdrawal
- Feeling of Hopelessness
Some unhappy people who notice these signs can ask themselves, “Am I lazy or depressed?”
If you experience persistent sadness for over 2 weeks, it may be helpful to contact a therapist and check yourself for the symptoms of depression. Additionally, you can take a free test from Breeze to gain personalized insights into your wellness and happiness.
