“Why Do I Hate My Dad?”

Dads are our rocks, offering comfort, protection, and guidance. Yet, there are moments when they can’t be everything we need.

When fathers show favoritism toward siblings, break promises, or exhibit uncontrolled anger, some people may feel, “I hate my dad.”

That same sentiment echoes in their minds when dad forgets their birthday, makes hurtful comments, or raises his voice.

The words “I hate my father” are heavy, loaded with pain, disappointment, and often, a sense of guilt.

It’s not a reflection of the entire relationship but the pain of a single instance when the person you rely on most becomes unrecognizable.

In this article, we will explore the complex emotions surrounding the question, “Why do I hate my dad?” and why some people may feel this way.

Still, asking yourself, “Why do I hate my father so much?” you might not know the exact answer as you have a lot of mixed feelings, and it’s tough to identify which one action or event might trigger it. 

So, let’s try to answer this question together and explore the most common reasons for “Why do I hate my dad or stepdad?” 

1. Traumatic Childhood Experiences

As we’ve discussed, childhood trauma might be one of the reasons you’re asking yourself, “Why do I hate my dad?” Traumatic events, such as neglect, physical, verbal, or emotional abuse you may have endured from your father during childhood, can profoundly shape our emotions and relationships later in life.

In fact, children exposed to domestic violence or abuse often develop emotional and behavioral problems later on. 

As an adult, those memories of abuse and the associated pain may persist. You may struggle with questions like “How can I tell my dad I hate him?” because you feel the need to express the unresolved anger and hurt. You might perceive his lack of care or concern, fueling a desire to confront him with your feelings.

If you have abusive parents, you might find it difficult to trust others, form close relationships, or express your emotions. There may be a lingering fear of being hurt again.

It is also important to remember that you are not responsible for your father’s abuse. You are not responsible for anyone else’s actions. You did nothing to deserve it. Remember, you are a valuable person who deserves to be loved and respected.

In these situations, talking to a therapist is crucial. They can help you understand your feelings and guide you toward healing. 

You can also enroll in our 28-Day Childhood Trauma Healing Plan to gain valuable insights into your relationships, personal growth, and practical steps toward recovery.

2. Emotional Disconnect

Emotional unavailability might be another symptom of the “I hate my dad” feeling. Have you ever felt like your dad was just… never there? He was physically present but emotionally distant as if he were living in the same house but not in your life. 

Maybe he was busy with work, always on the road, or just not the type to open up and connect. 

You might have even asked yourself, “Why does my dad not love me?” But there was no answer; there was just silence.

If your dad is emotionally unavailable, he might rarely express affection through hugs, kisses, or other gestures of warmth. This might leave you feeling unloved and unvalued and might contribute to developing a father wound. 

This chronic lack of emotional connection can also lead to attachment trauma.

Such behavior can be a sign of emotional neglect or an emotionally distant parenting style, sometimes referred to as cold father syndrome. 

It might leave you yearning for a connection and feeling like you’ve lost a part of yourself—your inner child. To learn more about your inner child, take our lost inner child test and gain more understanding. 

3. Picking up “Favorites”

Favoritism can fuel “I hate my father” feelings, too. It can manifest in more subtle ways, such as a father consistently making time for his son’s sporting events while neglecting your dance performances. 

Or perhaps he’s glued to the TV playing video games with your brother, but he yawns when you show him your latest painting.

It’s completely natural to have intense feelings about this, even to the point of thinking, “I hate my dad so much. I hate my family.” When you’re constantly overlooked, it’s easy to start questioning your worth, asking, “Why do I hate myself?” and wondering if there’s something wrong with you.

But remember, his actions are not a reflection of your value.

4. Misunderstanding Your Teenage Rebellion

During your teenage years, the thought, “I hate my dad so much,” could frequently occur in your head. 

Teenage years are tough—a whirlwind of self-discovery and exploration that can sometimes lead to rebellion. This rebellion often manifests as rule-breaking, like skipping classes, dyeing hair, getting piercings, or questioning authority figures like teachers or parents. 

While it’s a natural part of growing up, parents can misinterpret this as a personal attack or a reflection of their parenting.

But sometimes, fathers struggle to adapt to this change. They might feel hurt or rejected when their once-obedient child starts questioning their authority, leading to misunderstandings and conflicts. 

For instance, your dad might disapprove of your new friends, criticize your fashion choices, or try to control your social life. You might say, “Why is my dad always angry? I hate my dad!”

Faced with teenage rebellion, some fathers may believe a strict approach is the only solution. However, such authoritarian parenting can reverse, promoting dishonesty and manipulation in children and ultimately undermining trust within the family.

5. Hurting People You Love

The words “I don’t like my dad” are heavy, complex, and often filled with shame. Discovering that your father has hurt people you deeply care about can shatter your world. 

For example, finding out that your father has been unfaithful to your mother may lead you to betrayal trauma, feelings of anger, or confusion.

Or what if you discover he’s addicted to gambling and blew all the family’s savings at the casino? You’d probably feel resentful, saying out loud, “I hate my dad,” worried about money, and betrayed because he put his addiction before his family. 

It’s a form of financial abuse, too, because he’s misusing money that’s supposed to be for everyone. That can really damage your relationship with him.

The emotions that follow are messy, intense, and incredibly painful. They all can swirl together, making it hard to know what to do or how to feel. You may admit, even just to yourself, “I hate my dad so much.”

6. Too Little Time Shared

A child’s emotional well-being starts with a strong bond with their parents, especially in the early years. 

However, in an increasingly demanding world, many fathers find themselves consumed by work or handling personal challenges, leaving a void in the family dynamic.

This absence, whether through a divorce or emotional detachment, can lead to “daddy issues” in children. These issues can manifest as a fear of abandonment, low self-esteem, “I hate my father so much” thoughts, and difficulties forming healthy relationships later in life.

It’s a heartbreaking reality reflected in the statistic that 1 in 4 children in the US grow up without a father/father-figure at home.

It’s tough to watch his daughter Murph struggle with the feeling of abandonment and wonder, “Why did he leave me? I hate my dad!” It really shows the emotional toll that absence can have on a child.

Beyond The Hatred: Scratching The Surface 

The question, “Why do I hate my dad?” may bring up many memories and feelings, most of which are rooted in childhood. 

Fathers are traditionally seen as protectors and providers, offering their children a sense of safety and security. But what happens when the person you’re supposed to rely on is the very one you need protection from? These experiences can lead to deep-rooted childhood trauma.

If you’ve watched Star Wars, you may remember the iconic “No, I am your father” scene, where Luke Skywalker learns the shocking truth about his parentage. This revelation completely changes Luke’s perspective of his family, leaving him with a flood of emotions that might be summed up as “I hate my father.“

This can be similar to the experiences of those who have complex relationships with their own dads.

Of course, it’s natural to look back on one’s upbringing with a critical eye and begin questioning parents’ choices and behaviors. However, it’s important to remember that most parents do the best they can with the resources and knowledge they have. 

They may believe they are doing the right thing, even if their actions have unintended consequences.

Some dads may struggle to provide the emotional support their children need, often carrying their own emotional baggage, such as unresolved traumas or personal struggles. 

This childhood emotional neglect can lead to feeling like the black sheep of the family, strained relationships, and feelings of dislike or hatred towards one’s father.

The Psychological Effects of “I Hate My Father” Feeling 

Okay, we’ve explored some of the reasons behind the “I hate my dad” feeling, and you may have identified with some of them. But how much can this feeling impact our adult lives, both now and in the future? 

This is a good question because our past experiences shape who we are today, and it’s important to be aware of the potential consequences of harboring resentment.

Thus, “I hate my father” can manifest in our lives in various ways:

• Damaged self-esteem: Imagine hearing your dad say, “You’ll never amount to anything.” Those words can stick with you, making you doubt your own abilities, feel unworthy of love, and say, “I hate my father.” It’s like constantly seeing yourself through a distorted, negative lens.

• Trust issues: When the person who is supposed to protect and love you unconditionally causes you pain, it can shatter your trust in others. If you ask yourself, “Why doesn’t my dad love me?” you may feel insecure and abandoned. You might find it challenging to let people in, fearing they’ll hurt you just like your dad did. Trust issues might also be one of the symptoms of daughters of narcissistic mothers or daughters of narcissistic fathers.

• A lifetime of anger: “I don’t like my dad” feelings may fester inside you, turning into a rage that affects everything you do. You may lash out at a grocery store clerk for a long line or scream at your partner for forgetting to take out the trash. Even minor inconveniences can trigger an outburst, asking yourself, “Why am I always angry and irritated for no reason?”

• Mental health struggles: All that emotional turmoil can take a toll on your mental health. Harboring feelings of “I hate my father” might lead to persistent sadness, anxiety, or even thoughts of self-harm.

• Harmful coping mechanisms: To numb the pain of the “my dad hates me” feeling, some people turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms. For instance, this could mean drinking too much or using substances. While it may offer temporary relief, in reality, it can make things worse by leading to addiction problems and other health issues.

Healing From “I Hate My Dad” Feeling

It’s completely understandable to feel angry or resentful towards a father. But you’re definitely not alone in feeling this way. And just remember, reaching out for help takes a lot of strength and courage.

• Find positive role models in your life who can offer guidance and support. This could be a mentor, therapist, teacher, or friend’s father. Building healthy relationships with these figures can help fill the void and redefine your understanding of fatherhood.

• Understand your feelings. Don’t just say, “I hate my father.” Dive deep. Was it that one Christmas when he forgot your gift? Or years of neglect? Understanding the why helps you process those feelings. Maybe it wasn’t even him, but the situation he put you in.

• Rewrite your narrative. I know it may be challenging, but identify any positive lessons you’ve learned instead of focusing on the negative. Did your experiences with your dad teach you resilience, independence, or empathy? Finding even small silver linings can shift your perspective and help your healing.

Enna Sanghvi, MA, comments, The kind of relationship you share with each of your caregivers in your life is unique. Furthermore, everyone’s experiences with their father cannot be the same; it is much more dynamic and complex. If your relationship with your father is challenging, attempting to change him or teach him how to be a better father may not always be fruitful, even though it is one possibility. Instead, working towards the things you can do to be less impacted by this challenging relationship with him could lead to internal stability within this context.