Values are our inner drivers that create a sense of purpose, shape our decisions, and help us navigate through life. Yet, if you don’t know what to do and feel lost, it might mean that your core values are still waiting to be determined. In this article, we’ll delve into how to identify your values, understand their importance, and explore steps to align your reality with what truly matters to you.
What are values?
Cambridge Dictionary defines the word ‘values’ as the beliefs people have, especially about what is right and wrong and what is most important in life, that control their behavior. [1] (Simply put, these are the drivers that influence your decision-making process and ways you experience the world around you.)
True values are shaped by the principles that are important to you. Still, they are often influenced by the combination of genetic heritage and the impact of exposure to multiple social environments (e.g., family, education system, community, etc.). [2] As such, a person’s values can shift and evolve across the lifespan or different contexts. [3]
If you feel lost and can’t define the values that matter the most to you, it’s important to remember that we might face the constant push and pull between what we truly believe and what the world expects from us. Society often tells us what is typically right or wrong, so it’s better to distinguish personal, social, and cultural values.
1. Personal values
These are the ones that stem from our own experiences, perspectives, aspirations, and reflections. Personal values guide us over our own lives, and influence who we are and who we want to become. We develop them over our journey, during self-reflection, and when facing specific situations that shape our personality.
Some examples might include responsibility, creativity, integrity and honesty, respect for everyone around, etc. Personal values feel inherently ours and align with our core selves. They tend to be influenced by the context we live in but are independent of external pressures.
2. Social values
They stem from common core beliefs and interactions with others. Social values are the ones we share with friends, family members, coworkers, or even compatriots. For instance, if in your company culture, open communication is the number one priority, you’re likely to naturally adopt this kind of behavior to fit in and succeed.
3. Cultural values
They are rooted even deeper, reflecting the customs, traditions, and mentality to which we belong. Cultural values determine the way society functions all over generations. They rarely change considerably and tend to influence morality and societal roles.
For example, in many Scandinavian countries, equality is a key cultural value. People believe everyone should be treated fairly, whether at work or in daily communication. There are fewer strict hierarchies, and it’s common to speak informally to everyone, no matter their status or job title.
We asked Katherine Scott, M.Ed/Ed.S, LMFT, if she could explain how family beliefs and parents’ values might influence a child. “As children, we are largely reflections of our parents’ value system. A large part of human development stems from modeling those who raise us, so it is common for children to vocalize heavy similarities in their and their parent’s values. It is typically during the teenage years, otherwise known as the ‘forming and storming’ developmental phase that self-actualization tends to occur. This includes the natural inclination for us to separate from our parents through questioning and craving exploration of other value systems. A person can live in accordance with their parents’ values, however it is rare to never develop any of their own in addition.”
What is the difference between personal and core values, and how do they affect life?
Personal values are individual conceptions of the desirable that guide behavior. [4] They are based on our individual differences and priorities. Yet, there’s also a term ‘core values’ that some people might confuse with personal ones. Let’s spot the differences and determine how they influence our lifestyle.
| Core values | Personal values |
| The deepest, most fundamental principles that identify who you are | Individual preferences and priorities that influence your personal life |
| Rarely change over life | Might shift over life based on new experiences |
| Are typically developed during the formative years | Can form over the whole life |
| Shape major life decisions and long-term goals | Influence daily choices and short-term priorities |
Interestingly, what is a core value for one person might be a personal value for another. For instance, one person might see honesty as a core value — something they uphold in every aspect of life, no matter the situation. For them, integrity is non-negotiable.
Meanwhile, for someone else, honesty might be a personal value that depends on context. They may prioritize kindness or empathy in certain situations and choose to soften the truth to avoid hurting others. As such, while being honest is important to them, there are things they can consider more meaningful.
Why are our own values so important?
In a nutshell, they serve as a compass that identifies what a fulfilling life means to us and how to reach it. They reflect what you hold dear and what kind of people you want to surround yourself with. What’s more, core values help you stay true to yourself, even when faced with difficult choices.
In friendships
Studies prove that we tend to surround ourselves with people who are similar to us. [5] As such, if you share common core values with someone, you’re much more likely to build a stronger bond. In addition, shared values create a sense of trust and understanding, which makes communication easier and conflicts less frequent. This can also fuel a deep sense of safety and security.
Interestingly, over time, friends can get even more alike in thoughts, feelings, and behaviors [5] and, as a result, acquire even more common values. This makes the friendship stronger and helps it grow as the connection deepens over time.
In relationships
Personal core values are the main driver that makes us set priorities and find a sense of life. For instance, 50% of US respondents stated that a happy relationship is among their 3 most important aspects in life. [6]
Understanding your top values helps shift focus and concentrate on what’s important now. If your personal value №1 now is building a family, you’ll probably seek a partner who wants the same. If you value career or personal development most, you might prioritize a partner who supports your ambitions or stay single for some time.
At work
If your list of personal values significantly aligns with company culture, this might mean that you’ll feel fine to continue your professional life there. For example, you consider self-discipline and constant self-improvement as the main drivers of your success, so you’ll likely thrive in an environment that values personal development.
On the other hand, some companies value collaboration and support more than individual growth. This may be good for team players who value shared success over personal achievement.
Whether you have your own business or seek a job, thinking about important values you need to share with coworkers is key to creating a positive and successful work environment. When your values match, it helps build trust and develop faster together.
How to discover your personal & core values
Well, now you understand why it’s important to find values that resonate with our true selves. Yet, some people can consider it complicated. If you want to define your values and write a list of important things, particularly to you, try these steps.
1. Analyze your own life experiences
Most answers hide inside, and only you can uncover them. You probably already live with some core beliefs that influence your daily choices, so it’s time to analyze them. Take time to think about these questions:
- What life situations have influenced me most? How did I behave and why?
- When have I felt the most fulfilled, and why?
- What qualities do I admire in others?
- What principles would I never compromise, no matter the situation?
- What values help me handle challenging situations?
When you answer these questions, you’ll probably already have some points to add to your core values list. Still, we suggest you dive deeper.
2. Delve into self-reflection
Improving self-awareness is a perfect way to discover something new about yourself and fine-tune your inner compass. Mindfulness practices, regular time alone, therapy sessions, and journaling can be your tools to gain new ideas on what really matters.
Moreover, you can try Breeze’s tests, such as Personality Type, Big 5 Personality Traits, or Temperament Type, to study what kind of person you are. These tests can shed light on hidden traits and bring even more ideas on what feels authentic to you.
3. Consider what you want your life to look like
Think about how you see your success, what will make you happy, and what achievements will bring you confidence. Then, analyze what unites all these things.
For example, you strive to build a career that gives you freedom. You want to create meaningful memories and travel the world. In this case, independence, hard work, and adventure might be among your important values.
Otherwise, you may want to train daily, stick to a healthy routine, read a lot, and work on your career. As such, self-discipline, personal health, and self-improvement can bring a grounding sense to your life.
4. Gain some clarity with additional exercises
Creativity can also be helpful in determining your values. For example, you can try this simple technique.
Imagine your 90th birthday. All your friends and family gather at the festive table, and some of them want to give a toast. Question yourself:
- What aspects of my life would I like them to mention?
- What kind of person do I want to be remembered as?
- What personal qualities would I be happy if they highlight?
- What positive impact do I want them to recognize in me?
Then, create a list of important values you’ve mentioned in your answers. This will let you glimpse into the future and determine what you need for personal growth.
Katherine Scott, M.Ed/Ed.S, LMFT, suggests one more simple exercise that can help a person who wants to define their values:
There are plenty of value’s lists available with the help of a simple Google search. Pull up a values list, circle all of the ones that stand out to you, and then task yourself with narrowing down your top ten. Once you have your top ten identified, ask yourself the following questions to foster deeper self reflection:
- What are times that I have embraced each value?
- What values do I want to embrace more mindfully?
5. Think about certain values that don’t resonate with you
Sometimes, it can be helpful to look from another perspective. All of us have different values, and what matters most for one can be undesirable for another.
Imagine two people who live completely different lives. One person values stability, a predictable career, a particular order of life, and a quiet routine. Another one craves adventure, makes spontaneous decisions, and changes hobbies, relationships, and countries they live in every few months.
Of course, these are two extremes. Yet, this example perfectly illustrates how people can live with completely different core values lists. Then, think about you and what you consider undesirable or unfulfilling.
6. Create a list of values & prioritize them
It’s time to define your values and things that are important to you. You’ve probably already left some notes on the previous steps, so now it’s better to organize them.
Write down anything that resonates with you. These can be self-respect, creativity, responsibility, integrity, or personal growth. You can also notice the aspects of your life that feel most important, such as relationships, a career, hobbies, etc.
After that, you might need to prioritize the list. Start with top values that you find non-negotiable, then list those that bring a lot of sense to your life, and finish with common values that are meaningful but not as essential to your core identity.
Examples of personal values
Below we’ll define the values and their influence on human beings and our life based on the Schwartz theory of basic values. [7] Shalom H. Schwartz is a social psychologist well known for studying human values, their influence on behavior, and how they shape individuals’ decisions. There are 10 values that he finds universal.
1. Self-Direction
It’s all about making your own choices and thinking for yourself. As a broad value, it might include creativity, freedom, independence, exploration, and curiosity. In the workplace, people who prioritize self-direction often seek creative positions that allow them to take initiative and explore new ideas.
2. Stimulation
In other words, it’s a desire to feel alive and get new experiences. The value examples are variety, new challenges, spontaneity, and adventure, which are quite typical for travelers and people who love the fast pace of life.
3. Hedonism
It’s about enjoying life, seeking pleasure in every moment, and choosing yourself with confidence. Connected values might be comfort, fun, optimism, and pleasure-seeking.
4. Achievement
Becoming our best selves, concentrating on success, and reaching our goals are kinds of achievement. Among the value examples are ambitions, professionalism, confidence, self-respect, responsibility, and hard work.
5. Power
Social status and control over others are most important for those who define power as their core value. Wealth and authority are connected terms that often go hand in hand. Such people tend to seek high-paying jobs and leadership roles and try to build strong networks to influence others’ lives.
6. Security
People who define it as the main personal value prefer safety, life balance, and taking care of their well-being. When you hold the idea of living securely, you focus on your health, relationships, and financial predictability in life.
7. Conformity
Simply put, it’s all about fitting in. Those who opt for conformity share common values such as integrity, following the rules, being always polite to others, respecting social norms, etc.
8. Tradition
Customs and cultural heritage are super-important for those who value traditions most. Such people are often religious, show extreme respect for authority, and make conservative decisions.
9. Benevolence
In other words, this value is helping people and taking care of others, especially close ones. Value examples in real life might include volunteering, supporting loved ones, working in healthcare, or education. It’s about fostering kindness, compassion, and a sense of community.
10. Universalism
It holds the idea that all people are equal and each of us should be tolerant of all around us. Those who opt for universalism want to foster social justice, protect the environment, and promote equality. As such, they often work as activists and social workers.
How to live in accordance with your core values list?
Well, you’ve defined values, written your lists, and even prioritized them. Now you know what’s important for you and your well-being. But what should you do further? Follow these steps to stay true to yourself and make sure your actions align with your values.
1. Analyze your life now
Maybe you already live according to your values. Have you chosen a job that sparks your inner fire? Do you communicate with people who make you feel fulfilled and happy? Write down what aspects of your life are already pretty well-organized, and create a list of those that need some attention. Then, you can proceed to the next step.
2. Align your goals
It’s time to review your goals and think about whether they reflect what truly matters. If among your values are freedom, the opportunity to create something new, and self-discovery, but your current goal is building a career in a corporation, it can influence your life balance. Make sure your short-term and long-term aspirations match your core values so you find every step meaningful.
3. Build habits and make decisions accordingly
Living in integrity with yourself is something that can make a big difference. If among your value examples are curiosity and self-improvement, you might decide to read daily, take an online course once a month, or try a new hobby.
Breeze’s routines can also help you prioritize your decisions according to your values. Identify a goal, set up notifications, and track your progress in doing something really meaningful to you.
4. Surround yourself with like-minded people
Of course, some of your friends might have other values and different priorities. Still, it’s always a good idea to communicate what’s important to you. Close people will probably understand and might even help you create a safe space where you can follow your values without fear of judgment.
Additionally, when meeting new people, you can always pay more attention to what’s important to them. It will let you surround yourself with those who share your values.
5. Be flexible
Life happens, and while it is really helpful to know your values and create a routine where you can follow them, it’s better to avoid being too rigid. Of course, no one can force you to go against your core beliefs. Yet, there might be moments when you need to adapt or find a balance between different priorities. Staying open-minded can help you avoid conflicts and handle challenges without feeling overwhelmed. Recognizing life is fluid and there is an ever evolving opportunity to lean more mindfully into values that you find important.
Conclusion
Now you’re ready to create a lifestyle full of integrity with yourself. If you feel the need to uncover more about your personality and values, try the Breeze app. By tracking your emotions and their causes, fostering gratitude with quick notes, and taking simple science-backed tests that bring a lot of insights, you can find out more about your values and learn to live in accordance with them.
Sources
- Cambridge Dictionary. “Values”
- Lilach Sagiv, The Hebrew University of Jerusalem, Sonia Roccas, The Open University of Israel, Jan Cieciuch, University of Zurich and Cardinal Stefan Wyszyński University in Warsaw and Shalom H. Schwartz, The Hebrew University of Jerusalem. “Personal values in human life”
- National Library of Medicine. “Changing Personal Values through Value-Manipulation Tasks: A Systematic Literature Review Based on Schwartz’s Theory of Basic Human Values”
- National Library of Medicine. “Social Construction of the Value–Behavior Relation”
- National Library of Medicine. “Similarity Among Friends Serves as a Social Prior: The Assumption That “Birds of a Feather Flock Together” Shapes Social Decisions and Relationship Beliefs”
- Statista. “Most important life aspects in the U.S. as of March 2024”
- Schwartz, S. H. (2012). An Overview of the Schwartz Theory of Basic Values. Online Readings in Psychology and Culture, 2(1). https://doi.org/10.9707/2307-0919.1116
