Fifteen minutes into a coffee date – we may start instinctively looking for red flags indicating trouble in a potential partner. But what about green flags in a relationship signaling positive qualities that can lead to a healthy, fulfilling connection?
Let’s explore green flags in relationships you should look for to build a balanced and loving partnership.
1. They Are Open and Honest
One of the relationship’s green flags is open communication, which occurs when both partners are on the same page and can resolve misunderstandings quickly [1].
Honesty in Relationship Green Flags Checklist:
- They Share Their Needs and Concerns: For instance, if you’re late for a date or cancel plans last minute, they’ll express how that makes them feel. One of the green flags in a guy is when they can say, “I felt a little hurt when you canceled without much notice,” rather than avoiding the subject.
- They Share Expectations: Do they share their intentions for the relationship from the beginning? The green flag in a relationship is when they are honest, whether about how often to communicate, what they want from dates, or their thoughts on exclusivity. For example, they might say, “I’d like us to talk every day, but if you’re busy, that’s okay too,” rather than making assumptions.
- They Keep Eye Contact: A study found that eye contact can increase feelings of love [2]. A person who maintains eye contact shows honesty and is fully present. They’re focused on you mentally and physically, a sign that they’re genuinely interested.
2. They Respect Your Boundaries
One of the relationship green flags is when both partners feel safe and comfortable expressing their needs. According to a 2024 study published in ResearchGate, one of the main red flags in a relationship is excessive control or possessiveness [3]. On the contrary, respect for boundaries shows that your partner values your individuality and autonomy.
Boundaries in Relationship Green Flags Checklist:
- Physical Boundaries: Are you not ready for physical affection, like holding hands or kissing? They don’t push you and wait for clear signals from you.
- Communication: Typically, one of the green flags in a girl is when they respect your need for space when you’re tired or worried. Moreover, they don’t expect immediate replies to texts or calls bombarding you with messages or guilt-tripping you for not responding quickly. Such behavior Forbes defines as commonly missed relationship red flags [4].
- Digital Boundaries: Your potential partner doesn’t insist on having access to your social media accounts or demand to see your phone. They trust you to keep your privacy.
- Emotional Boundaries: They don’t pressure you to talk about past relationships or childhood experiences until you feel comfortable.
3. They Are Emotionally Available
Emotional availability helps partners be more committed, stable, and aware of each other’s feelings and build intimacy, according to recent review research about romantic relationships [5]. That’s why it can be among relationship green flags.
- They Are Empathetic: If you’re upset or excited about something, they show empathy instead of criticizing or ignoring your emotions. For example, if you’re worried about a work situation, they might say, “I can understand why you’re feeling that way. How can I help?”
- They Can Be Vulnerable with You: They share their emotions, such as telling you about a tough day or insecurities. Instead of hiding those feelings, they might say, “I’m feeling a bit worried about how things are going with us.”
- They Listen Actively: Do they intentionally listen when you speak? Genuine interest in conversation is one of the green flags in a relationship. When you talk, they don’t just wait for their turn to speak; they ask follow-up questions or summarize what you said to make sure they understand.
- They Apply Emotional Intelligence to Disagreements: They can express how they feel while making an effort to understand your perspective.
If you wonder how to be emotionally available to your partner, start with a self-discovery test to gain insights into your personality and behavior patterns.
4. They Are Trustworthy and Reliable
Can you count on your partner to keep their word? Do they show consistency in their actions? Researchers at Eastern Illinois University found that a relationship built on trust allows both partners to feel secure and valued [6].
Rychel Johnson, M.S., LCPC, explained why reliability is crucial in the early stages of a relationship.
As a therapist who helps individuals focus on building healthy and fulfilling relationships, I emphasize observing consistent behavior that matches what someone says they will do. This includes keeping commitments and being transparent about intentions and feelings. Reliability also extends to emotional support and communication—someone who listens actively and respects boundaries. These actions build trust, demonstrating a foundation of dependability and honesty, essential for a healthy and lasting relationship.
5. They Put Effort in Relationship
Naturally, it’s one of the green flags in a relationship – when they don’t just make an effort at the beginning of the relationship to win you over but continue to show care and attention over time. [7].
Putting Effort in Relationship Green Flags Checklist:
- They Back Up Their Words with Actions: If they say they care about communication, they’ll text you, check in, and make time to talk instead of going quiet for days.
- They Give You Compliments: Researchers at the University of Waterloo reported that when a romantic partner highlights things you do well or things they appreciate about you, it leads to improved self-esteem and more satisfying relationships overall [8]. Moreover, these words of affirmation may be one of the five love languages that work for you.
- They Remember Little Things You’ve Shared: For example, they remember your favorite food or hobby and made an effort to bring them up or surprise you with something thoughtful.
6. There’s Mutual Respect for Each Other
Expressing mutual respect without putting one person’s needs, desires, or opinions above the other is part of treating each other equally[9].
Mutual Respect in Relationship Green Flags Checklist:
- Equal Decision-Making: Whether you’re choosing a movie to watch, deciding on a place to eat, or planning a trip, they take your preferences into account and don’t make decisions without consulting you. For example, if they plan a date, they’ll ask for your input on what you enjoy, ensuring that both of you are equally involved.
- Equal Emotional Investment: They show that they are emotionally invested in the relationship but never pressure you to feel or act a certain way. For example, if you’re not ready to say “I love you” yet, they don’t try to rush things, allowing you to understand whether it’s limerence vs love.
7. They Express Physical Affection without Expectations
If you wonder, “Am I ready for a relationship?” try to understand how you feel when your potential partner puts their arm around you when you greet them, sits close to you in a taxi, or instinctively squeezes your hands when you cross the street.
A study conducted by researchers at Binghamton University found a strong link between non-sexual intimate touch and strong marriages [10]. It might be one of the green flags in a relationship if they offer physical affection such as cuddling, holding hands, or light kisses without expectation and pressure.
Physical Affection in Relationship Green Flags Checklist:
- They Show Affection in a Way that Feels Comfortable for You: For example, in the early stages, they might send a sweet text like “I’m thinking of you” or give small compliments rather than rushing into deep emotional talks.
- They Respect Your Need for Personal Space: They don’t use physical affection to manipulate or control but rather as an expression of care and affection.
8. They Have Healthy Social Relationships
A study from PubMed suggests that controlling and monitoring behaviors, as well as attempts to isolate a partner from social relationships, are warning signs of dating violence [11]. At the same time, one of the green flags in a relationship is the ability to balance time between personal life and romantic life, creating space for both partners to maintain a fulfilling life outside of the relationship.
Social Independence in Relationship Green Flags Checklist:
- They Respect Your Social Independence: They support your hobbies, career, and friendships outside of the relationship. They respect your need for personal space and encourage you to grow individually to be the best version of yourself.
- They Have a Well-Rounded Social Life: They have close friends and family who they maintain positive relationships with.
- They Respect Your Schedule: They don’t control your decisions, try to isolate you from other people, or pressure you into canceling plans or changing commitments for them. Thus, they show that they care about your long-term happiness, not just your relationship.
9. They Are Not Overly Defensive
An article in Science Daily shows that most couples argue about the same topics—intimacy, leisure, money, household, and communication [12]. What makes happy couples different from unhappy ones is how they handle conflicts.
Non-Defensiveness in Relationship Green Flags Checklist:
- They Approach Conflicts Calmly: When they disagree with you, they might say, “I see your point, but I feel differently about that,” rather than shutting down or getting angry.
- They Are Able to Apologize and Make Amends: They take responsibility for their actions without deflecting blame. Their apology is genuine, not just to smooth things over but to demonstrate understanding and care.
- They Make an Effort to Change Behavior: They listen when you express discomfort with certain behaviors and try to change them without argument or resentment. Thus, they are ready to show you that they value the relationship enough to improve.
10. You Have a Shared Sense of Humor
Can they still find moments to lighten the mood with humor when difficult situations arise? Can they bring joy to everyday moments? A partner who can make you laugh is one of the key relationship green flags.
- You Laugh Together Over Small Things: Whether it’s an inside joke, a silly meme, or an awkward moment at work, you both may laugh about the little things that happen in everyday life.
- They Make You Smile in Tough Situations: For instance, if you both miss a bus, instead of getting angry or upset, they might laugh about it, saying, “Guess we’re walking off our dinner!”
- They Can Laugh at Themselves: Your partner is able to laugh at their own mistakes or awkward moments, which shows they don’t take themselves too seriously.
11. They Don’t Disrespect the Past of Both of You
According to a survey by The Guardian, one of the green flags in a relationship is when a potential partner doesn’t comment negatively about their past relationships or try to hold your past experiences against you [14]. They understand that your past has shaped you and approach it with curiosity, not judgment.
We asked Rychel Johnson, M.S., LCPC, why it is a green flag when a person speaks respectfully about their past and their partner’s past.
Speaking respectfully about one’s past relationships and partners demonstrates emotional maturity and a capacity for healthy relationships. It suggests that a person is self-aware and has processed their experiences without harboring excessive resentment or blame. Respectful language about ex-partners or past mistakes also reflects an ability to avoid projecting unresolved issues onto the current relationship. These green flags can foster open communication, reinforcing trust and mutual respect between partners.
Sources
1. ScienceDirect. Six “red flags” in relationships: From being dangerous to gross and being apathetic to unmotivated. April 2023.
2. ScienceDirect. Looking and loving: The effects of mutual gaze on feelings of romantic love. June 1989.
3. ResearchGate. Recognizing red flags in relationships: the first step to avoiding toxic relationships. July 2024.
4. Forbes. A Psychologist Reveals 2 Commonly Missed Relationship Red Flags. Feb 2024.
5. ResearchGate. Impact of Emotional Intelligence on Quality of Romantic Relationships: Review Research. April 2019.
6. Eastern Illinois University. Trust in Relationships: A Study to Determine the Importance of Trust. 2012.
7. ResearchGate. Relationship Effort, Satisfaction, and Stability: Differences Across Union Type. April 2014.
8. ResearchGate. More Than Words: Reframing Compliments From Romantic Partners Fosters Security in Low Self-Esteem Individuals. February 2007.
9. ResearchGate. Respect in Close Relationships: Prototype Definition, Self-Report Assessment, and Initial Correlates. June 2002.
10. Binghamton University. Hugs and kisses: Research connects affection, attachment style and marriage satisfaction. February 9, 2025.
11. National Library of Medicine. Is It Love or Is It Control? Assessing Warning Signs of Dating Violence. June 2021.
12. ScienceDaily. How happy couples argue: Focus on solvable issues first. September 16, 2019
13. ResearchGate. The effect of shared humorous experience on closeness in initial encounters. March 2004.
14. The Guardian. 62 dating green flags that shout ‘this one’s a keeper’. January 2023.
