Narcissists can exhibit manipulative behaviors. They seem to lack empathy. Their inflated sense of self leaves those around them emotionally drained.
We know about these traits. But do you know how to deal with a narcissist?
I’m Rychel Johnson, a mental health therapist who works with people impacted by narcissism.
I’ve seen firsthand the toll that relationships with narcissists can take on well-being. Furthermore, I’ve helped people learn how to handle a narcissist.
While you can’t change a narcissistic person, there are ways to protect yourself. You can regain some sense of control. It’s not your fault you’re feeling this way.
Up ahead, I’ll share practical strategies to help you. You don’t need to sacrifice your well-being. Maintaining your emotional well-being and boundaries is possible.
You may be dealing with a narcissistic partner, parent, or coworker. Understanding their behavior and protecting your needs is crucial for your mental wellness.
How To Deal With A Narcissist: 12 Tips
Dealing with a narcissist can feel like swimming upstream. It might feel like you have to be on edge.
When my therapy clients share about narcissists, I can feel their struggle. I offer validation by listening to their stories. Each story is unique, just as each person with narcissistic traits is unique.
When you care about a narcissist, it’s tough to know what to do. We tend to see the best in people when we love them. It’s no different if the person is narcissistic. You aren’t alone in navigating these rough waters.
It’s possible to deal with a narcissist in your life. Check out these 12 tips to help you feel supported.
1. Understand Narcissism
First of all, learn to recognize the patterns. Narcissists often display confusing behaviors. If you know what to expect, it’s easier to navigate.
Some common signs of narcissism include:
- An exaggerated sense of importance or accomplishments
- Craving excessive praise and validation
- Entitlement or believing they deserve special treatment or privileges
- Manipulating others to fulfill their needs or desires
- Blaming others for their own mistakes or shortcomings
- Have an inflated sense of self-importance
- Lack of empathy and struggle to understand the needs of others
- Seek constant validation to maintain their fragile self-esteem
- Manipulate others to achieve their goals without considering their impact on people
- React defensively to criticism with rage, denial, or extreme sensitivity
Do you have a person in your life who shares these traits? They may not have NPD but have similar struggles. Recognizing these traits can help you avoid being caught off guard.
2. Set Boundaries
Narcissists often push limits and violate boundaries. Be clear and firm. Communicate your limits, and do not feel guilty about enforcing them.
Once you’ve set boundaries, try to uphold them consistently. Narcissists may attempt to test or manipulate these limits.
If you give in, it can reinforce their belief that they can control the situation. Easier said than done—sometimes setting boundaries feels like you’re being mean at first.
Declaring a need is an example of a boundary. For example, “I need time to think” or “I need space to calm down.” Stating your needs can help minimize confusion.
3. Manage Your Expectations
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a deeply ingrained condition. Change without professional help is rare. Therapy can help, but someone with NPD must be willing to acknowledge and address their behaviors. Many narcissists resist change.
Understand that narcissists are unlikely to change significantly. Expecting empathy or mutual respect from them may lead to disappointment.
A narcissist may dismiss your feelings. Sadly, you may not be able to expect validation. Plan to look to healthier relationships for emotional support.
Adjust your expectations accordingly—you may even feel relieved by doing so.
4. Don’t Take It Personally
Recognize their behavior is about them, not you. Narcissists often act out of their insecurity or need for control. Try not to take their actions or words to heart.
Avoid engaging in their ego battles. They’ll often escalate conflict if you engage in their power struggles. Stay calm and emotionally detached when necessary.
Hearing hurtful words or actions from a loved one is difficult. Even if you’re aware of possible NPD, it’s still painful.
5. Avoid Confrontation When Possible
You may be wondering how to confront a narcissist. Is it worth it? Will they try to turn the blame for a problem back on you?
The primary key is to pick your battles. Narcissists thrive on conflict and attention. It’s often best to avoid unnecessary arguments.
Stay calm, neutral, and factual to avoid escalation. Narcissists thrive on drama and emotional reactions. Remain as composed as possible. If you appear less emotional, it could help you to avoid escalating the situation.
Keep conversations straightforward. Avoid getting drawn into their ego battles by using calm language.
6. Limit Your Emotional Exposure
Similar to the previous tip: guard your emotions. Narcissists can be emotionally draining. Protect your emotional well-being. Plan to minimize any time spent discussing sensitive topics.
Consider finding support elsewhere. Whether through friends, family, or therapy, a support system is crucial. You should be able to express yourself without judgment or manipulation.
Did you know that emotional intelligence measures how well you understand your emotions? Discover your EQ with a Breeze test today.
7. Minimize Emotional Vulnerability
Do you notice a trend here with the emotions? Narcissists often provoke emotional reactions to feel in control. Stay calm and composed. Remain calm and try not to let their provocations affect you.
Avoid getting drawn into arguments when they try to dominate conversations. Instead, stick to the facts and disengage if necessary. Walk away or seek space away from the person. No one needs a power struggle.
Being emotionally vulnerable is not a bad thing in healthy relationships. You ought to feel safe sharing your emotions. However, you might not feel this safety with a narcissist.
8. Use Facts, Not Emotions
Narcissists often twist narratives to suit themselves. Keep conversations factual and straightforward. If you approach them with emotions, they may use it against you or dismiss your feelings.
State facts when interacting with a narcissist. It helps everyone stay on the same page. They are less likely to twist the meaning of your words.
9. Recognize Manipulation Tactics
Learn the common tactics narcissists use. These styles of manipulation include:
- Gaslighting: They deny reality or make you question your perception. Be aware of how they might twist situations to make you doubt yourself.
- Love bombing and devaluation: They shower partners with love and attention, only to later devalue them. Recognizing this cycle can help you escape the highs and lows.
- Blame shifting: They blame others for eliciting an emotional response. Avoid engaging in unnecessary arguments or feeding into their need for attention.
10. Consider Distance if Needed
Some situations may involve limited contact. If the narcissist is toxic or abusive, consider minimizing your interactions. You could also benefit from going “no contact.”
Are you in a co-dependent relationship with a narcissist? You might find yourself reliant on their approval. With therapy and support from others, work on building your own self-esteem and autonomy.
“Approval-seeking” behavior is not always a sign you’re dealing with a narcissist. However, it’s helpful to look into the “why” of this behavior.
11. Manage Conflict with Strategic Communication
Narcissists tend to exploit emotions. Focus on neutral communication rather than emotional arguments.
Improve communication clarity with “I” statements. Instead of blaming or accusing, say things like, “I feel hurt when…” or “I need space when…” This frames the issue around your needs rather than triggering their defenses.
Are you or your siblings children of narcissistic parents? The role of a narcissistic parent is impactful on your current well-being. You have likely experienced childhood trauma. Learn more about the impact of your trauma with a Breeze test today.
12. Seek Professional Help if Needed
Seeking professional help can help answer the lingering question, “Why do I attract narcissists?”
Starting therapy can help you feel seen and like you aren’t “crazy” for how you feel. Therapy can help you understand and manage your emotions.
Sometimes, being around a narcissist is damaging or unsafe. In a divorce or workplace situation, seeking legal advice or mediation might also be necessary.
Being in a relationship with a narcissist can be exhausting and confusing. Support groups—whether online or in person—can help you feel less alone and give you tools to cope.
How To Deal With A Narcissistic Husband—Therapist Explains
A narcissistic husband may manipulate or control their partner. Keep reading to learn how to deal with a narcissistic spouse.
Protecting your emotional well-being is a priority. Feeling resilient can help you not get drawn into their manipulation. You deserve to prioritize your self-esteem and happiness above his need for control.
Some tips specific to dealing with a narcissistic husband include:
- Consistently define your limits. Be explicit about what behavior you won’t tolerate—verbal abuse, manipulation, or disrespect.
- Don’t feel like you can “fix” him. A narcissist has to recognize their problems and seek help independently. Don’t try to manage or change their behavior.
- Cultivate self-esteem. Narcissists often erode their partner’s confidence by belittling or invalidating them. Activities, friendships, and hobbies outside your marriage build a sense of self.
- Avoid seeking his validation. Narcissists rarely offer genuine validation. Seek emotional support from friends, family, or a therapist. Don’t rely on him for approval.
- Seek help. Therapy can help you understand how his narcissistic behavior affects you. Practice setting boundaries in a safe setting.
- Evaluate the impact on your mental health. If your husband’s behavior is abusive, separation might be necessary for your safety.
- Build a support network. Narcissists often try to isolate their partners. Reconnect with friends, family, or support groups. External validation and emotional support are essential.
While couples therapy can be a step you pursue, be cautious when suggesting it. Narcissists can sometimes manipulate the therapist or the therapy process. Choose a therapist familiar with narcissistic abuse if pursuing this option.
How To Deal With A Narcissistic Family Member or Co-Worker
Dealing with a narcissistic family member is hard. Can you balance empathy for their struggles while protecting your well-being? It’s a daunting task.
Similarly, dealing with a narcissistic co-worker or boss is difficult. We don’t learn how to deal with a narcissist at work as we train for employment.
Learning how to deal with a narcissistic boss or family member takes practice. Family ties and the workplace can make it difficult to distance yourself.
Some tips for dealing with a narcissistic relative or co-worker include:
- Set solid boundaries. Set clear limits on behaviors you will and will not tolerate (e.g., criticizing or guilt-tripping). Be clear about your expectations. In a calm, non-confrontational way, you might say, “If you raise your voice, I will leave the conversation.”
- Manage your emotional responses.
- Avoid trying to “fix” or help the person. Just like with a spouse, the narcissist will only work on healing if they want to. Focus instead on managing your own reactions to their behavior.
- Seek support from people who understand your situation.
- Avoid accusing or blaming. Frame concerns as “I” statements. For example: “I feel upset when…” This minimizes defensiveness and helps keep communication open.
- Avoid triangulation. Narcissists often create conflicts between other people to maintain control. Don’t allow yourself to be used as a go-between. Try not to take sides in their manipulative schemes.
- Distance yourself. If the relationship becomes harmful or abusive, you might want to distance yourself. Sometimes, going “no contact” is the best solution.
Setting firm boundaries or avoiding a co-worker or family member involves consequences. However, narcissistic abuse is real and carries risks, too. However, your safety is a priority.
Quick Answers: What is Narcissism?
What is narcissism? Narcissism exists on a spectrum. Traits range from healthy self-confidence to pathological self-absorption.
Asserting oneself and desiring success isn’t bad. These personality qualities allow people to pursue their goals. They can still maintain boundaries and navigate social relationships effectively.
At an intense level, the personality is known as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). NPD is a diagnosable mental health condition where narcissistic traits become pervasive, dysfunctional, and harmful to relationships.
Do you know someone who might fit these descriptions? The 12 Narcissist Traits List can help you learn more about narcissistic traits.
