Have you ever met a narcissist? While they might seem pretty likable and charismatic at the beginning, after communication with them you can feel unsettling or even draining.
But why does it happen? And how can you recognize a narcissist, especially as they might behave differently?
Today, we’ll explore an overt narcissist — a type that some call “a classic one.” We’ll delve deep into the answer, “What is an overt narcissist?” learn its traits and find out how to deal with them. Just keep reading.
DSM-5 does not define any specific types of narcissists. Yet, most mental health professionals define from 4 to 10 types. Here, we use a classification of the 8 most common types, and overt narcissism is one of them.
Who is an overt narcissist?
These people always seek to attract attention. They are charismatic, successful, and grandiose. Every time they enter a room, people often turn their heads and feel the weight of their presence filling the space.
An overt narcissist is a definition of extreme self-superiority combined with manipulation. Their vulnerability and insecurities are hidden so deep that you won’t ever know about them.
The main distinctive overt narcissist signs are an obsession with attention and admiration, overbearing tendencies, a willingness to take advantage of others, and a sense of entitlement.
They always expect special treatment and can do anything to get recognized, even if sometimes it goes against moral standards.
It can stem from childhood trauma or develop because of growing up in a competitive or image-focused environment. Still, the outcome is the same: narcissists believe that their worth comes from achievements, status, or outward appearances. They seek external validation because their inner sense of self-worth is diminished or nonexistent.
Do you want to recognize narcissists from the spot? Working on your emotional intelligence is key. Take a quick and free EI test to find out how well you understand your and others’ emotions.
Covert vs. overt narcissist
Maybe now you’ve already thought, “Oh, I know someone who is a narcissist. But why do they behave differently?”
It’s important to understand that narcissists can be different. We’ve already highlighted that there can be 8 most popular types. So, even if someone behaves differently than an overt narcissist, it doesn’t mean they live without narcissist traits.
Many people might confuse an overt vs. covert narcissist even though these two types are pretty different. But how to distinguish them? Check the table.
| Overt narcissists | Covert narcissists |
| Crave constant attention from everyone around | May find it difficult to fit in, but inside, they want to be attention |
| Display obvious grandiosity | Lack of obvious grandiosity |
| Thrive in big companies | Prefer 1-1 communication |
| Always pretend to be the most successful | Often play victims |
| Can use aggressive manipulations to get what they want | Manipulate less openly and more subtly |
Well, now it seems that the difference between covert and overt narcissists is big, right?
But do you know what they have in common? A fragile ego, a desire to feel valuable, and a need for admiration, no matter how they’ll receive it.
5 overt narcissist traits
People often consider overt (or grandiose) narcissists as classic ones. So, their main traits will somehow align with the traits associated with narcissists in general.
Still, there is still something typical only for grandiose narcissism. Thus, let’s delve into their traits more deeply.
1. Self-superiority
It’s the first and probably the most noticeable one. Overt narcissists believe that they are special, unique, and entitled.
This grandiose sense of self often impacts multiple areas of their life.
For example, they might over-inflate their skills or accomplishments, claiming they could become Olympians shortly after starting a sport. Or they can exaggerate their singing abilities to appear highly talented in front of others.
Overt narcissists tend to embellish, brag, or even lie to seem more accomplished than they truly are. And most importantly, everyone should recognize their achievements and praise them.
2. Need for admiration
This point stems from the previous one. When people with overt narcissist traits feel grandiose, they often extremely focus on impressing others. Purchasing expensive clothes, driving flashy cars, or displaying wealth and status are all tactics they use to draw attention.
Usually rooted from poor self-esteem, this behavior is the only way to feel valuable. While overt narcissists might seem super-confident, in reality, they are deeply insecure and rely on external validation to maintain their fragile sense of worth.
3. Lack of empathy & exploitation of others
Putting yourself in someone’s shoes sounds almost impossible for people with grandiose narcissism. They are too self-centered to think about others and might often lack sensitivity to care for someone else.
As a result, people don’t mean very much to them. Dozens of friends are just a background, “the retinue” surrounding “the king.” And the main reason why overt narcissists communicate so much is to feel seen, valuable, and popular.
But what happens when such people need something? In a nutshell, narcissists don’t see barriers. They can walk over people and do everything to reach their goals.
Female overt narcissist traits may use their attractiveness or emotional manipulation to exploit others, while male narcissists might rely more on dominance or aggression to assert control and command attention.
4. Charming & good at faking
But walking over people isn’t always the best way out. What do narcissists do when they need to receive something without being too pushy? They manipulate.
They appear to be good listeners who are really interested in your problems. They seem to be real altruists who can drive you home from work or offer to help with a personal task. But all this happens only when they adore you or you’re valuable to them and have something to bring to the table. In other words, relationships tend to feel transactional.
Overt narcissism in relationships can manifest in buying impressive presents, spending most of the time with a potential partner, and pretending to be an ideal person to build relationships with. This reinforces themes of power and control.
Yet, when another person falls in love, and a narcissist feels appreciation and admiration, they can change their ways too quickly.
5. Hidden insecurities
This is what people with a grandiose sense of self hide deep inside. Sometimes, it’s so deep that they can’t even recognize it.
But usually under the mask of a self-confident, charismatic, and bright person hides the feeling “I’m not good enough.” Or “No one loves me.”
An overt narcissist can’t accept their mistakes, and anything that isn’t ideal makes them feel vulnerable. Acne, second place in a competition, or even the same dress that the other girl at a party has — anything can lead to extreme anger and irritation.
“Why do narcissists can’t show their feelings openly and be vulnerable? Why do they tend to crave being and looking perfect?” Nicole Arzt, LMFT, answers, “People with NPD struggle with vulnerability because it means exposing a part of themselves they work so hard to conceal. Breaking through this barrier feels incredibly threatening. Instead, it feels much safer to put up walls and take in lots of validation and attention. Having these needs met can fulfill the fantasy that the person is “good enough” even if they don’t feel that way inside.”
Examples of grandiose narcissism
Well, it might seem easy to recognize a narcissist in theory. But what about practice?
Let’s move to examples of overt behavior so that you’ll be able to spot these people much quicker and avoid the negative influence of their charm.
At work
Have you ever had that one coworker who always thought they are better than others? You have similar roles, get similar tasks and literally nothing distinguishes you in terms of performance.
Still, somehow, they always act as if they’re the only ones making valuable contributions.
- “I deserve a promotion, not you.”
- “It’s my achievement that our group project succeeded.”
- “Actually, my task is much more difficult.” (while it isn’t)
People with grandiose narcissism can be really tough to work with. They might be hostile and appear as if the task is beneath them.
At the same time, they might do almost anything if the boss asks. To get an additional day off, deserve a promotion, or be praised in front of the team, overt narcissists will be the most dedicated employees ever.
In family
“They are leaders, and you will do everything they want to.”
This is the belief that people with overt narcissist traits can try to impose on everyone in the family.
Do they want to watch that one movie in the evening? No one is allowed to turn on anything else. Do they want to travel to Hawaii on vacation? There shouldn’t be any talks about other destinations.
Although they may be controlling within the family, they may present as easygoing to others. This is why people can be so confused when a partner leaves an overt narcissist because “their family was so ideal.”
What about children of narcissistic parents? They often feel like they don’t matter, always having to put the narcissist’s needs first. This can lead to childhood trauma and leave them struggling with their identity and self-worth as they grow up.
What causes an inflated sense of self in overt narcissists?
So, here’s a question, “Why?” What drives a person to believe they are superior or more important than others?
An inflated sense of self can stem from various factors. We’ll dig deeper to unravel the deeper motivations behind these behaviors and how they impact relationships and well-being.
Parenting style
In fact, it’s all about parenting style. Children of grandiose narcissists often follow the modeling of their parents and, in adulthood, might cover their needs similarly.
Yet, it isn’t a 100% guarantee that if your parents were overt narcissists, you would develop narcissistic traits yourself.
While children of narcissistic parents may pick up selfish or manipulative habits, they can also learn empathy and grow more self-aware — especially if they later experience healthy relationships or get support through therapy.
Childhood trauma
Think about Joker from Marvel movies. Although often seen as a villain, his need for chaos and constant attention fits the overt narcissist mold.
But why does it happen to him? There’s something more than just the parenting style of his mother. The answer is childhood trauma.
Pretty much the same in reality, people gain overt narcissist traits after getting deeply traumatized in the early years.
Childhood trauma can shape how someone views themselves and the world around them. For those who experienced neglect, abuse, or rejection, an inflated sense of self can be a defense mechanism.
It’s a way of compensating for feelings of helplessness that they experienced in childhood. Similarly to Joker, these people might grow up believing that they need to be the center of attention or create chaos to feel valued or noticed.
Environment
Not only parents but everyone around can influence a child to grow up with overt narcissistic traits.
- Society always demands a person to be more successful and attractive, no matter what it takes and what you feel inside.
- Pop culture appreciates narcissistic behavior and shows it as a positive example on TV, in movies, and on social media.
- Even peer groups and schools can promote this behavior. When children grow up in a culture that values social status over kindness and empathy, they may feel pressured to adopt specific traits to gain approval.
Genetics
There’s no deep-scaled research on whether narcissism is inherited. Still, some studies prove that narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) has strong evidence of heritability.
The scores of heritability vary from 33% to 59%. So, now we can say that in certain families children born from narcissistic parents might have some typical traits.
We asked Nicole Arzt, LMFT, about the easiest way to understand that you’re communicating with an overt narcissist. Here’s what she says, “If you’re communicating with someone with overt NPD, you may constantly feel like you’re not being heard. You might also experience gaslighting, which means you start second-guessing your truth or feelings. It can feel like you’re in a losing battle. No matter what you say or do, your words seem to get twisted or used against you. Because of this, you may try to avoid conflict at all costs.”
How to deal with a grandiose (overt) narcissist
“Nice people don’t necessarily fall in love with nice people.” ― Jonathan Franzen, Freedom
If your partner or a family member is an overt narcissist, it may be difficult to communicate with them. Yet, if you don’t want to cut off this relationship and desire to take care of your well-being at the same time, here are some tips to save.
We’ve already provided a detailed guide on how to deal with a narcissist but below let’s overview some of the most important points.
- Set boundaries
- Don’t take actions or words to heart
- Don’t get deeply engaged, and remain calm
- Distance yourself if necessary
- Reach out for professional help
FAQ about overt narcissism
What’s the difference between an overt and communal narcissist?
Communal narcissism is a term that describes people with narcissistic traits who extremely focus on acts of kindness, generosity, or social good. While it can be more socially approved, they still use this social credibility to get validation and receive what they want.
On the other hand, overt narcissists aren’t necessarily about pleasing people — they’re all about having the spotlight. Instead of kindness, they rely on attention to feel important, often neglecting the needs of others.
“Why do most partners I’ve dated appear to be narcissists?”
There’s a detailed answer to this question in our article, “Why do I attract narcissists?” Yet, if you’re looking for a brief version, here are the most common reasons that push you to choose such people:
- A result of your childhood trauma
- An insecure attachment style
- Fawn trauma response
- Extreme empathy
- Low self-esteem
- Your narcissism
“It seems to me that I’m a narcissist. What should I do with it?”
You already know how to deal with an overt narcissist, but what if the question is, “How to stop being a narcissist?”
The fact that you’ve acknowledged it is already a great achievement. Then, you can start working on it gradually.
- Look for reasons why you behave this way
- Discover your triggers and be mindful of them
- Learn not to take everything personally
- Try to accept criticism and integrate it into your life
- Stop trying to be perfect and accept that you’re worthy to be loved
It might be difficult to handle some of these steps alone. If you need to open up to someone and get support, consider visiting a support group or contacting a therapist.
