It takes your breath away every time you see them. Nothing seems valuable or important without this feeling. You keep asking, “Is it really that spark?” and the answer is, obviously, “Yes, I can’t live without this person!”
But are you sure it’s really love? Maybe you’re getting into a limerence relationship without even noticing it. Check out this article to uncover what your heart truly feels.
Limerence vs love quiz
If it’s challenging for you to draw the difference between love and limerence, we’re here to help you. Answer “yes” or “no” in each question. Then, tally up the number of points and move on to the results.
1. Do you think about the person nonstop, no matter what you’re doing?
- Yes (1 point)
- No (0 points)
2. Do you feel like you couldn’t be happy without this person’s attention or approval?
- Yes (1 point)
- No (0 points)
3. Does your mood change depending on whether this person notices you?
- Yes (1 point)
- No (0 points)
4. Do you feel incomplete when this person is not around?
- Yes (1 point)
- No (0 points)
5. Would you do anything to get their attention?
- Yes (1 point)
- No (0 points)
6. Do you feel nervous if this person doesn’t respond quickly?
- Yes (1 point)
- No (0 points)
7. Do you often imagine how perfect things could be, if you were together?
- Yes (1 point)
- No (0 points)
8. Do you feel like you need this person to feel valuable or worthy?
- Yes (1 point)
- No (0 points)
9. Do you prioritize their happiness over your own?
- Yes (1 point)
- No (0 points)
Understanding your feelings and those of others seems like something tricky? Take a quick & free EI test and gain insights on how to improve self-awareness.
Love vs. limerence quiz results
“Falling in love with a damn fantasy.” This phrase from Conan Grey’s “Movies” song perfectly describes how limerence can feel.
Is it about butterflies and extreme happiness? Yes. Can it be about an emotional rollercoaster? Definitely!
So, it’s better to spot limerence and love early to avoid getting caught in a fantasy. Take a look at your results.
0-3 points
Most probably, you’re truly in love.
Your feelings are likely rooted in a deep connection and genuine care. There’s a sense of stability, trust, and mutual respect that goes beyond initial excitement.
4-6 points
In your case, the difference between love and infatuation may be blurred. There are some signs of limerence.
Answering the question, “Am I in love or not?” you may be somewhere in the middle.
Sometimes, you approach the person you like with intense excitement, but other times, you wonder if it’s more about limerence. While there’s definitely emotional attachment, the feeling might still carry some elements of idealization.
7-9 points
There’s a high probability that you experience intense infatuation.
Daydreaming for hours about the person you’re “in love with”?
This kind of attachment is more like limerence than love. It’s that constant need for reassurance, always wondering if they feel the same way rather than enjoying a steady, mutual connection.
Love vs. limerence — Differences
It may be reasonable to save this test and check yourself for limerence every time you want to enter a relationship.
Yet, what if the questions above aren’t enough? We’ve collected differences between love and limerence to help you recognize the signs and understand your feelings.
| Love | Limerence |
| Develops over time through common experiences | Happens quickly, often based on infatuation or fantasy |
| Focuses on understanding and supporting each other | Focuses on seeking validation from the other person |
| Covers accepting a partner’s strengths and weaknesses | Is about creating someone’s idealized picture |
| Typically, long-term feeling | Typically, more short-lived and intense |
Now, let’s study the differences between limerence and infatuation vs. love a bit deeper.
Feelings
- What is love? It’s a complex feeling that involves strong commitment and attachment to someone. When discussing healthy love, partners usually build it on common trust, care, and mutual respect.
- Crush and limerence are usually one-sided.
Reciprocity
Let’s keep it simple.
- Love involves some action towards each other from both sides. At the same time, people in love don’t expect any reciprocation. They just give freely, without conditions, and receive the same.
- Limerence in a relationship is about the constant need for validation. “Do they love me? Will they admire me tomorrow the same as I do to them?”
Stability
- Most often, love is consistent. A partner won’t disappear unexpectedly for a week or keep your messages unanswered for a few days without a serious reason.
- Limerence might be similar to a hide-and-seek game. Someone you feel intense infatuation for may disappear for a few days and get back like nothing serious has happened. They may truly believe that there are no obligations or expectations in the relationship.
Duration
- Love usually develops from empathy and turns into deep feelings when partners grow together. It’s a long-term feeling that tends to get deeper in the long run.
- In a limerence relationship, everything happens pretty quickly. The intense feelings surge unexpectedly, almost like a whirlwind. One moment, you feel like you’re on top of the world, and the next, you’re caught in a rush of ups and downs.
Idealization
Last but not least. How do you see your partner?
- When comparing limerence vs. love, a person experiencing deep connection sees a partner like a real human. Does your loved one have flaws, bad days, or imperfections? Yes. Love allows for these and still grows stronger because it’s built on acceptance and understanding.
- On the other hand, limerence is all about idealizing a human. They can’t throw the socks on the floor, look tired in the morning, or have bad days. No way! The partner you’re into is perfect. At least, you believe it to be true.
Am I in love or experience limerence? — Examples
Ready to proceed to examples? Let’s take a look at the differences between love vs. infatuation and limerence based on favorite and well-known movies.
Love
Think about Hazel and Gus from The Fault in Our Stars. Their relationship seems like something much deeper than limerence.
Emotional vulnerability and genuine care for one another — that’s what we see throughout the movie. Despite facing challenges, they support and uplift each other without unrealistic expectations.
Gus doesn’t try to “fix” Hazel’s problems, and Hazel values Gus not as a savior but as a partner who truly understands her.
Limerence
In contrast, remember Jay Gatsby’s limerence and crush on Daisy Buchanan in The Great Gatsby.
His feelings for Daisy base more on her idealized version of her than who she truly is. He spends years throwing parties, all hoping to win her back. Still, his love is fueled by nostalgia and fantasy.
This unbalanced dynamic, where Gatsby projects his desires onto Daisy without truly seeing her as she is, can make their relationship a textbook case of the difference between love and limerence.
3 stages of limerence in a relationship
Now you understand what limerence and infatuation can look like compared to true love. Yet, if you want to avoid getting trapped in this state, it’s important to notice the first signs of it.
What are the stages of development limerence? Typically, they look like that.
1. Infatuation
In a nutshell, this is an all-consuming attraction. You want to be with someone, you desire to build romantic relations, you crave to stay near all the time.
There’s no room for emotional control. The only thing you can think about is that person.
This intense infatuation is uncontrollable. At the same time, you:
- don’t know or aren’t sure whether these feelings are reciprocal
- experience emotional rollercoaster
2. Crystallization
At this stage, you crystalize or define the idea that the person who stole your heart is ideal and the only one who is best for you.
When talking about limerence, it involves the belief that your loved one can solve all your problems. “I will be happy only with them! My life is impossible without this relationship!” — sounds like limerence.
Also, you might:
- constantly try to notice the behavior that proves your belief
- disregard reality and focus more on fantasies
- make rushed, sometimes illogical decisions
3. Deterioration
Finally, a house of cards is falling. You understand that a person will never be what you expected them to be. Moreover, you understand that your “dream relationships” are also only in your dreams.
Can limerence turn into love?
In short, yes. Limerence can turn into love if both potential partners share romantic feelings and take steps toward each other to reach healthy dynamics.
What does it mean?
As both people move beyond idealized versions, they begin to see each other for who they truly are and accept those aspects. This shift from fantasy to reality can turn the intense highs of limerence into the steady, fulfilling connection of love.
Still, it requires patience, clear communication, and a willingness to grow together.
