Humans are social creatures, and our connections to others are incredibly valuable. Forming bonds is a natural part of who we are.
But have you ever found yourself getting attached to people a little too fast, maybe sharing more than you intended to early on? And then regretting it and asking, “Why do I get attached so easily?”
Been there, done that. Of course, it’s natural to feel drawn to others, especially when sparks fly. Getting attached too quickly can lead to a dangerous pattern of unhealthy relationships.
In fact, unhealthy emotional attachment is a widespread phenomenon, reflected in millions of views on TikTok.
So, what is the psychology of getting attached so easily? And how can you spot the signs in yourself? Let’s get this conversation started!
Key Takeaways
- Being emotionally attached means a deep connection with someone, characterized by feelings of safety, happiness, and a desire for lasting closeness.
- Attachment is a fundamental human need established in childhood that forms the basis of various relationships throughout life.
- While a secure attachment style fosters healthy relationships, other styles like anxious preoccupied, dismissive avoidant, and disorganized (fearful) avoidant can pose challenges. Understanding our attachment style is important to building healthy relationships.
- Emotional attachment differs from love. Signs of unhealthy emotional attachment are a fear of being alone, love bombing, low self-esteem, FOMO, and more.
- Addressing these underlying issues can help form healthier relationships.
Why Do I Get Attached To People So Easily?
Unhealthy emotional attachment can stem from various emotional factors – from attachment style to a fear of being alone.
So, if you’ve ever wondered, “Why do I get attached so easily?” the answers you’ve been searching for are here.
1. Childhood attachment styles
As we discussed earlier, our attachment style is shaped in childhood and can significantly influence our relationships throughout life.
A person who has experienced emotional neglect, emotional abuse, or other complex childhood experiences may have developed a trauma bonding, which can lead to insecure attachment styles.
If you ask, “Why do I get attached so easily?” it might be due to an insecure attachment style, specifically either anxious or disorganized attachment.
Let’s take a look at examples:
- Anxious attachment style. You make a new friend and quickly become very close and emotionally attached, sharing intimate details of your life and spending most of your free time together.
When your friend makes plans with other people or doesn’t respond to your messages immediately, you feel insecure and worry that they are losing interest in the friendship or replacing you with someone else.
You may wonder, “Why do I get attached to friends so easily?” You might also feel jealous or even possessive of their other relationships.
- Disorganized attachment style. You might initially feel incredibly emotionally attached to someone and quickly profess your feelings, only to pull away later and create distance when things get serious. You might also send mixed signals and behave erratically, making it difficult for others to understand your intentions.
Here’s what you can do:
- Reflect on how your childhood experiences may have influenced your current attachment style.
- Take Breeze 28-Day Childhood Trauma Healing Plan to gain deeper insights into your past experiences and discover a path toward healing.
- Consider speaking with a mental health professional to identify areas of difficulty and receive appropriate treatment.
2. Fear of being alone
Fear of abandonment, often rooted in early childhood experiences, can drive us to become easily emotionally attached to others. This fear makes us seek security and fill emotional voids by quickly attaching to potential partners or friends.
It can also lead to a fear of rejection, making us more eager to please and attach to anyone who shows any interest.
While asking ourselves, “Why do I get so easily attached?” we may even unconsciously recreate familiar patterns from our past, even if they’re unhealthy, in an attempt to gain control.
For example, someone who experienced neglect as a child might jump into a new relationship quickly, hoping to avoid the pain of being alone, even if the partner is not a good fit.
However, this behavior can create relationship challenges, such as clinginess or difficulty maintaining healthy boundaries.
Here is what you can do:
- Slow down and get to know someone before committing.
- Try to find similar past experiences and reflect on how they affected you.
- Build self-worth independent of others.
3. You like love bombing
Have you ever been swept off your feet by someone who just showers you with love and attention, especially right at the beginning? It’s an amazing feeling, right? That’s called love bombing.
It’s like a whirlwind romance, where you constantly receive compliments, gifts, and affection. That makes you feel emotionally attached to someone.
But did you ask yourself, “Why do I get attached to someone so easily?” Because while it feels incredibly good, especially at first, this kind of intense affection can also be a red flag.
While attention-seeking, we may come across people with narcissistic tendencies who use love bombing as a way to manipulate and control. It’s like they’re creating this perfect illusion of love to make you dependent on them.
For instance, daughters of narcissistic mothers often unknowingly replicate the harmful patterns they experienced, such as emotional neglect and conditional love, later questioning themselves, “Why do I attract narcissists?”
Here is what you can do:
- Be aware of the alarming signs. Be cautious if someone showers you with excessive attention early on.
- Set boundaries. Don’t let anyone pressure you into moving too fast or doing things you’re uncomfortable with.
4. Low self-esteem
Feeling insecure may also play a significant role in unhealthy emotional attachment. This also may be one of the symptoms of daughters of narcissistic fathers.
People with low self-esteem can doubt their own worth and value, seeking external validation from others to feel good about themselves. When someone shows them attention or affection, it can feel gratifying and make them easily emotionally attached.
Sometimes, people with low self-confidence might put their partners on a pedestal, believing this person is “too good” for them. This can create an unhealthy dynamic in which they become overly emotionally attached and dependent on their partner.
Here is what you can do:
- Counter negative self-talk: When you think, “I’m not good enough,” replace it with a positive affirmation like “I am capable and worthy.” Use self-love quotes every day.
- Spend time doing things you love: Engage in hobbies, volunteer, or spend time with supportive friends to boost your self-worth.
5. The feeling of missing out (FOMO)
If you ask yourself, “Why do I get attached to someone so easily?” you might fear missing out.
Like, you see your friends posting pics from a concert, and suddenly you’re super eager to make a new BFF at the next one so that you don’t feel left out.
You might even start thinking this new person is the best ever, and you become emotionally attached, ignoring any red flags because you’re so afraid of being alone.
FOMO can also cause you to overcommit to social events or activities, leading to superficial attachments just to stay connected.
It can also make you more vulnerable and open to emotional connection. This can be positive, but it might also lead to attachment too quickly.
Here is what you can do:
- Quality over quantity. Focus on building a few close, meaningful friendships rather than many superficial ones.
- Spend time alone. Learn to enjoy your own company and explore your interests.
6. You are a people-pleaser
People with people-pleasing tendencies often develop strong, unhealthy emotional attachments due to their constant need for validation and approval.
For example, you might consistently offer to babysit your neighbor’s children, even when you have other plans or feel exhausted. Why? Simply to avoid disappointing your neighbors and maintain a positive relationship.
However, a lack of boundaries can lead to unwanted consequences, such as resentment, burnout, loss of self-identity, and toxic relationships.
Here is what you can do:
- Set boundaries. Instead of automatically agreeing, pause and consider if you truly have the time and energy. If not, politely decline. For example, “I’d love to help, but I’m overbooked this week.” It’s totally fine.
- Practice self-care. If you ask yourself, “Why do I get so easily attached?” try to shift focus on yourself. Schedule regular activities that bring you joy, whether it’s reading, exercising, or spending time in nature. This recharges you and builds resilience.
Consider trying some of the techniques outlined in this article. If you find it challenging to build the relationships you desire, seeking support from a mental health professional can provide valuable guidance. They can help you navigate any attachment wounds that may be affecting your ability to form healthy relationships.
What’s The Meaning Of “Emotionally Attached”?
Ever felt that deep connection with someone where you just click and feel safe and happy around them? That’s an example of emotional attachment. It’s more than simply adoring someone.
The signs of emotional attachment are feelings of safety, warmth, and wanting to be around them for the long haul.
But it’s not just about romantic love, although couples definitely feel it when they find their “person.” It’s about all types of relationships, including family relationships, friendships, coworker relationships, and even relationships with pets.
In fact, we become emotionally attached from early childhood. We rely on caregivers to meet our needs for food, comfort, and safety. When these needs are met consistently, it builds a foundation of trust and security.
That’s the basis for a secure attachment style. Secure attachment is when you’re comfortable being close to others but can also be independent. Secure attachment is regarded as the “healthiest” of the attachment styles.
Amir Levine, the author of Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love, says the following about being emotionally attached:
“Attachment principles teach us that most people are only as needy as their unmet needs. When their emotional needs are met, and the earlier, the better, they usually turn their attention outward. This is sometimes referred to in attachment literature as the ‘dependency paradox: The more effectively dependent people are on one another, the more independent and daring they become.”
But what if those early experiences weren’t so great? Painful events may lead to childhood trauma and attachment issues, leaving you wondering, “Why do I get so easily attached?” and making relationships feel more challenging later on.
Before exploring why we become emotionally attached to people easily, let’s discuss why emotional attraction isn’t the same as love, as these concepts can sometimes be confused.
Emotional attachment & love
Being emotionally attached and love are often intertwined but represent distinct experiences within relationships.
Emotional attachment is a feeling of closeness and security with someone. It can be based on shared experiences, mutual support, or simply enjoying each other’s company. Emotional attachment can also be a component of love.
But what is love? It’s a complex emotion that involves deeper feelings of affection, passion, care, and intimacy. Romantic love often involves a strong physical and emotional attraction, as well as shared values and goals.
Now that we understand the difference between being emotionally attached and love, let’s explore different attachment styles.
Understanding Attachment Styles
When we ask ourselves, “Why do I get attached so easily?” it’s important to consider our attachment style, as it can significantly influence how we form relationships..
- Secure attachment style: A person who is comfortable with intimacy, trust, and open communication. A securely attached person shares their worries with their partner, expecting support and understanding.
- Anxious preoccupied attachment style: This style describes a person who might crave closeness but fear rejection. This person may constantly text their partner for reassurance and worries about their feelings.
- Dismissive avoidant attachment style: A person who is uncomfortable with intimacy and closeness. They may prioritize their own independence and avoid emotional conversations with their partner or decide not to attach at all.
- Disorganized (fearful) avoidant attachment style: This is a mix of anxiety and avoidance traits. This person may desire closeness but push their partner away when they get too close.