10 Tips on How to Fix Anxious Attachment Style and Strengthen Emotional Bonds

You’ve tried to enjoy and nurture romantic relationships, but something always goes wrong. Even with the right person and at the right time, you don’t seem completely happy but rather nervous and uncomfortable. “What if they leave me tomorrow?” or “Maybe I don’t deserve this happiness.” If these thoughts run through your head, this might stem from an insecure attachment style.

This guide will help you take a step toward balanced and fulfilling relationships. Whether you’re single or partnered, these tips are designed to help you reach emotional closeness and develop a stronger sense of inner security in communication with others.

Not only attachment style but also love language identifies how you approach romantic relationships. Learn more about how you express love and what it reveals about your personality.

How to handle attachment anxiety and develop a secure attachment style

While attachment styles tend to form in early childhood, this doesn’t mean they can’t be changed later in life. [1] As such, below we’ve collected the main tips to help you build secure relationships with friends, family members, or romantic partners.

1. Identify which of the four main attachment styles is yours

There are 4 main attachment styles that stem from the earliest childhood experiences. Let’s briefly overview all of them to determine whether the anxious one really fits you most.

• Secure attachment means that a person isn’t afraid to show their affection or commitment, knows their emotional needs, can support their partner’s feelings, and is consistent in building intimate relationships. Someone with a secure attachment style also has a consistent sense of self. They generally have a solid self-worth regardless of their relationship status.

• Anxious attachment means that a person worries about the relationship’s stability and needs constant reassurance that the partner won’t leave them. Someone with an anxious attachment style fears emotional distance and craves constant closeness. They often feel fearful when alone and worry about being abandoned.

• Avoidant attachment means that a person feels anxious about getting closer, building something long-term, and showing commitment. They might downplay their feelings or prioritize independence to avoid vulnerability. They also worry about being abandoned, but they may default to abandoning others first to mitigate the risk of getting hurt.

• Anxious-avoidant attachment (disorganized, fearful attachment) is actually a mix of the previous two types. In this case, relational dynamics can be unstable, as one day, a person can seek closeness and the next day push a partner away.

Understanding your type according to the attachment theory is essential to learn what steps to take to reach healthy relationships. You can begin by taking Breeze’s attachment style test. This is a quick, science-backed quiz that helps you gain insights into how interactions with primary caregivers and past relationships influence your current romantic needs.

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2. Acknowledge your patterns and emotional triggers

While attachment theory mostly talks about romantic relationships, attachment styles can also influence how you build friendships, address conflict situations in relationships, and сonnect emotionally with others. 

To take a step toward a more secure attachment style, you need to understand what triggers the feeling of unsafety in relationships. To identify triggers, ask yourself the following questions:

• Do I get anxious when someone doesn’t reply to a message right away?
• Do I worry I’m “too much” when sharing my feelings?
• Do I keep trying to connect with someone, even if they don’t seem as interested?
• Do I feel extremely uneasy when things are stable in a relationship?
• Do I frequently seek reassurance to prove my worth or “goodness”?

These answers will let you learn more about your communication skills and how you approach others. Additionally, you can use Breeze’s mood tracker to explore how different situations impact your self-perception. Take notes, analyze patterns, and engage in deeper self-reflection.

3. Communicate openly about your emotions

Once you know the patterns that make you feel anxious in communication with others, it may be reasonable to explain your feelings to loved ones. If you have trusting relationships, talk with your partner, close friends, or relatives. 

You may need to communicate that you feel worried when they reply for too long, get irritated, or become too withdrawn. At the same time, your loved ones can express how they feel in such situations, and together, you will be able to limit the number of attachment triggers.

4. Build self-esteem from the inside out

After taking the previous step, your loved ones may become more attentive to your insecure attachment style and take some steps to provide emotional support. Still, the main changes сan come from inside yourself.

Studies have shown that attachment issues formed early in life can contribute to developing a negative self-image. [2] While these two experiences are closely linked, the relationship can work both ways: having a low sense of self-worth can also reinforce insecure attachment patterns and make it harder to feel safe in relationships. To improve low self-esteem, you can:

• Set small, realistic goals, approach them with self-compassion, and celebrate when you reach them.
• Create a “proof list” of your strengths and turn to it when you’re struggling with feeling insecure
• Surround yourself with people who reflect your worth rather than challenge it. It’s a good idea to spend more time with others who have secure attachment styles themselves, as this models a healthy way of being.
• Be kind to yourself even when you feel like you’re not making progress.

Also, you can explore other Breeze tests. They will let you find out whether your low self-esteem stems from childhood trauma and inconsistent caregiving, or something that happened much later (like a toxic relationship). This self-awareness and knowing the root cause may help you understand what you’re healing from and discover the next steps.

5. Set healthy boundaries

Researchers state that boundary thinness is related to anxious and disorganized attachment styles. [3] At the same time, those living with secure attachment better understand what’s good for them and what makes them feel emotionally unsafe.

If you want to set clear boundaries, ask yourself, “What kind of behavior do I no longer want to tolerate?” It may be helpful to create a list and, most importantly, learn to believe that your limits are valid, even if others don’t always understand or agree. 

Try to convey your emotional needs calmly but clearly. If someone doesn’t respect healthy boundaries, it’s always OK to say “no” and step back. Remember that protecting your peace doesn’t make you selfish.

6. Practice mindfulness

When you live with an anxious attachment style, your nervous system is probably on high alert and looks for signs of rejection or abandonment. Mindfulness practices can help you focus on the present moment, improve self-awareness, and find new healthy ways to express your emotions. 

Regular mindfulness helps you self-soothe anxious attachment thoughts and gently calm the body when it enters “panic mode.” Here are some approaches that can make a real difference:

Progressive muscle relaxation

• Lie down comfortably on the floor and scan every part of your body. 
• Notice what you feel: maybe some body parts are tense or in pain. 
• Then start with your feet. Tense the muscles, hold for 5 seconds, then release.
• Continue slowly moving above. Tense the muscles in your legs, stomach, chest, shoulders, and face.
• Take a few minutes to relax and let go of worries.

333 rule for anxiety

This is the perfect exercise to return to the present moment, no matter where you are. You can practice the 333 rule to self-regulate when you feel overwhelmed:

• Look around and name 3 things you can see
• Name 3 things you can hear
• Move or touch 3 parts of your body

Journaling

Noticing your thoughts may be helpful as a quick way to overcome worries and a long-term approach to healing anxious attachment. With Breeze, you can notice your anxious thoughts or foster gratitude. The app provides comprehensive prompts that allow you to self-reflect on past relationship dynamics and list moments you felt loved and calm.

7. Engage in activities that make you feel better

Aside from mindfulness, people with attachment issues may find it helpful to reconnect with activities that bring a sense of joy, calm, or confidence. These practices help shift focus away from constant worry about relationships and toward inner stability.

Positive affirmations

When people feel threatened (particularly in adult attachment), affirmations help them feel better by reminding them of what they value and what makes them feel good about themselves. [4] You can create a list of positive affirmations that remind you of your value, or turn to Breeze. The app offers daily affirmations to inspire you to care for your emotional needs and gently build a more secure sense of self.

Deep breathing

Those with an anxious attachment style might feel overwhelmed by racing thoughts, while deep breathing can calm their nervous system. It signals your brain that you’re not in danger, even if your emotions are intense. Try this:

• Inhale slowly through your nose for 4 seconds.
• Hold for 4 seconds.
• Exhale through your mouth for 6–8 seconds.
• Repeat this cycle a few times to feel a bit more grounded.

In addition, Breeze has a guided breathing feature that you can practice anytime you require a moment to rest. It allows you to approach yourself with more self-compassion and gently reminds you, “You are safe, and you are enough.”

8. Challenge negative thoughts

An anxious attachment style may involve worrying about how others perceive you and whether they will ultimately leave you. When these thoughts feel too intense or tough to handle, it may be helpful to try a simple exercise. 

• Recognize the thought. You can say it out loud or write it down. For instance, “I’m afraid my boyfriend doesn’t love me anymore.”

• Think about whether there’s any evidence of it. Don’t dwell on the thoughts, but rather on real facts. Maybe the person is just busy or dealing with a difficult day.

• Find proofs of safety. They might have sent a kind message earlier, made plans with you, or expressed care in a special way. These small moments can be easy to overlook for people who live with an anxious attachment style.

• Create a table that reframes the thought. Replace your beliefs with more gentle, realistic versions that reflect reality and work for your couple. It might look like this:

Anxious thought	Reframed thought
“I believe they will leave me tomorrow.”	“I feel afraid of losing them, but there’s no real sign of that.”
“They didn’t text back, so something went wrong.”	“There can be many reasons for it. Maybe they’re just busy at work.”
“I’m too much, and they’ll get tired of me.”	“It’s OK to have emotional needs. The right person won’t see them as “too much.”

Turn to this self-soothing technique anytime you feel worried about your relationships. Over time, it helps your brain learn that not every moment of distance is a threat. It also reminds you that thoughts are subjective, and fears can sometimes be gently reframed.

9. Concentrate on yourself

People with anxious attachment might overly focus on their partner, relationships, and how to keep closeness at any cost. But true healing originates within. You may need to shift focus from overthinking every phrase of your partner’s to your desires, hobbies, and personal growth.

It feels like meeting yourself, not as someone in a relationship, but as a complete, independent person. To do this, you can:

• Spend time alone and notice what actually makes you feel good.
• Find a new hobby or reconnect with old ones.
• Write down your goals, dreams, or anything that gives you energy.
• Regularly meet with your friends or people who inspire you.
• Create a list of personal goals you want to achieve and work toward them.

Concentrating on yourself doesn’t mean that you no longer love your partner. Instead, it means that you’re building an adult relationship with yourself to feel more whole. When you feel more whole, you bring that wholeness to your commitments to others.

10. Work with a therapist

While some people might independently heal an anxious attachment style, others may need professional help to make noticeable progress. Seeking professional support can be extremely valuable, especially if you feel stuck or are struggling. 

Attachment-focused therapy, emotionally focused therapy (EFT), and interpersonal therapy (IPT) are popular methods for working through anxious attachment. They help people understand their relationship patterns, manage emotions healthily, and improve communication skills.

Sources

1. Li, Yuxuan. (2023). “How does attachment style influence early childhood development?” Journal of Education, Humanities and Social Sciences
2. Litvinenko, Irina. (2020). “Attachment Styles and Self-Esteem”
3. Lavering, D. (2014). “The Relationships between Attachment Style and Boundary Thickness.”
4. Cascio CN, O’Donnell MB, Tinney FJ, Lieberman MD, Taylor SE, Strecher VJ, Falk EB. “Self-affirmation activates brain systems associated with self-related processing and reward and is reinforced by future orientation.” Soc Cogn Affect Neurosci. 2016