Have you ever encountered someone who seems excessively self-absorbed, craves constant admiration, and lacks empathy for others? You might be dealing with a narcissist. Or you are in a relationship with them.
At its core, Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a complex mental condition characterized by a long-term pattern of fragile self-esteem, grandiosity, and a lack of empathy. But not only this.
In this listicle, we will explore the 12 key traits of a narcissist. While it’s always good to tread lightly and not jump to conclusions, understanding some common traits of narcissism can help you make sense of certain behaviors.
How to recognize a narcissist? 12 narcissist traits
Here are some common 12 narcissistic traits:
- Fragile self-esteem
- Need for excessive admiration
- Grandiosity
- Belief in their extraordinary uniqueness
- Lack of empathy
- Exploits others, see relations as transactional
- Envy of others or belief that others are envious of them
- Arrogant or haughty behaviors
- Difficulty accepting criticism
- Lacks authentic connections
- Constant toxic shame
- Preoccupation with fantasies of success
1. Grandiose Sense of Self-Importance
One of the most “famous” traits of narcissists is they tend to have an exaggerated sense of self-importance. This is also known as “grandiosity.”
They may believe they are exceptional and superior to others, frequently boasting about their achievements and talents.
Most times, this grandiosity may not be grounded in reality; rather, it stemed from an inflated self-view.
Think of that person who constantly name-drops or brags about their “exclusive” networking events. It’s like they can’t stop talking about themselves (even if the accomplishments aren’t all that noteworthy).
2. Lacks Empathy
Another hallmark trait of 12 narcissist traits is their struggle to empathize. They genuinely find it hard to recognize or care about other people’s feelings. It’s like they’re emotionally colorblind in a world full of vibrant emotions.
“Their lack of emotional empathy makes it easy for narcissists not to care when they hurt other people. They are untroubled that the price of their self-esteem is a willingness to devalue or destroy other people’s happiness.”- says Elinor Greenberg, Ph.D, author of Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations: The Pursuit of Love, Admiration, and Safety.
3. Fragile Self-Esteem
At the core of NPD is shaky self-esteem. Despite their grandiose exterior, which may present as completely conceited, narcissists often rely heavily on external validation to maintain their self-worth.
Yes, despite their outward confidence, narcissists like covert narcissists often grapple with deep-seated insecurities. They depend on others to feel good about themselves.
This fragility can lead to significant emotional distress when their self-image is challenged. What’s more, these insecurities fuel their need for validation and admiration, driving many of their narcissistic behaviors.
4. Need for Constant Praise and Admiration
Narcissists have an “insatiable hunger” for admiration and validation. They seek constant recognition and praise to bolster their fragile self-esteem.
Needless to say, this need will not be shown directly since they can not be seen as the ones who need praise because they feel so ashamed inside and have an inflated sense of self-worth. However, this can result in manipulative behaviors to draw attention and accolades from others.
But when attention and praise are not available, they tend to be in “narcissistic depression,” where they feel empty, constantly bored, or restless.
5. Sense of Entitlement and Uniqueness
Ever met someone who thinks the world owes them something? Narcissistic people typically have an unreasonable expectation of favorable treatment or compliance with their wishes. (It’s like they’re walking around with an invisible crown on their heads.)
Typically, it’s because narcissists perceive themselves as unique and special. They might also think that only other special or high-status people can understand them or should be their friends.
When they do not receive the special treatment they expect, they frequently become frustrated or angry and irritated.
6. Exploits Others
A limited or lack of empathy and regard for others’ feelings often leads narcissists to exploit relationships for personal gain. They may take advantage of friends, family, or colleagues to achieve their own goals, showing little remorse for their actions.
Typically, narcissists perceive people as tools to get what they want. They see any relationship as transactional. It could happen because of childhood trauma; they could be children of narcissistic parents.
For example, during their childhood, they were treated differently from other siblings or praised only when they did what their parents wanted from them, which could cause golden child syndrome. Therefore, they grew up inherently believing they were special and worthy of excessive attention.
7. Envy and Believes Others are Envious of Them
People who have narcissistic tendencies are often envious of others’ achievements and believe that others feel the same way about them.
But why they are so jealous? This twisted thinking helps them to avoid deep inner shame and poor self-worth.
Shame makes them feel like they are not good enough, asking themselves, “Why am I such a failure” or “ Why am I not good at all?”
But when they are jealous, their attention shifts to something outside of them.
8. Wholesome toxic shame
Yes, deep inside, they are suffering from shame, believing that they are fundamentally flawed and will always be judged negatively.
Everyone, including sometimes the narcissist themselves, may be unaware of the buried insecurities, fears, and rejected characteristics that the narcissist is so diligent about hiding.
To maintain this fragile facade of self-esteem, or false self, a narcissist tries to hide their vulnerabilities. But in the end, this prevents them from being totally honest and open. It seems like they are not honest or have integrity.
9. Difficulty Accepting Criticism
One of the most telltale trait of 12 narcissist traits is an intense aversion to criticism. For narcissists, any form of critique, no matter how constructive or well-intentioned, feels like a personal attack.
This trait stems from their fragile self-esteem and an overwhelming need to maintain a grandiose self-image.
When faced with criticism, a narcissist might react with anger, defensiveness, or even attempt to turn the tables on the person offering feedback. They may dismiss valid concerns, make excuses, or completely deny any wrongdoing.
10. Preoccupation with Fantasies of Success
A lot of the time, narcissists daydream about having unlimited success, power, intelligence, beauty, or the perfect love. While having aspirations and goals is healthy, narcissists take this to an extreme, often losing touch with reality in the process.
But focusing on these fantasies can make them lose track of what they actually accomplish.
They may make grandiose claims about future successes without taking concrete steps to achieve them. Others may find this behavior very annoying because the narcissist’s fantasies do not always match up with what they do or can do.
11. Lacks Authentic Connections
Another significant trait of narcissistic-oriented people is their self-centered nature, which makes it hard for them to build genuine relationships.
While narcissists may appear charming and sociable on the surface, their relationships often lack true emotional intimacy and empathy. Instead of seeing others as unique people with their own needs and feelings, they see them as people to admire or as tools to help them reach their goals.
As a result, their relationships often feel one-sided and superficial, based more on what others can do for them than on mutual respect or affection.
12. Difficulty with Emotional Regulation
A less discussed but significant of the 12 narcissist traits is difficulty with emotional regulation. Narcissists often experience intense emotional reactions and struggle to manage their feelings in healthy ways.
This trait may show up as sudden outbursts of anger, prolonged periods of sulking when things don’t go their way, or dramatic mood swings.
What are the 12 traits of a narcissist?
It’s important to note that narcissism exists on a spectrum. To be honest, everyone sometimes exhibits narcissistic tendencies from time to time.
We all sometimes believe we are unique, strive for achievements, and wait for compliments from our loved ones. This can be a sign of healthy self-confidence.
However, when these tendencies interfere with a person’s ability to function and interact with others, a professional may diagnose it as a personality disorder.
In short, narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, a need for admiration, a lack of empathy, and a heightened sense of self-importance.
“6.2% of the population is diagnosed with NPD,” says the Journal of Clinical Psychiatry. However, many of them have not been diagnosed, meaning the actual figure may be higher. Still, any of us can be attracted by narcissists.
There are nine things that can be used to diagnose narcissistic personality disorder according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5).
Narcissistic personality disorder can be easily understood by thinking of it as a combination of a problem with controlling one’s own self-esteem and lack of empathy plus a lot of inner shame.
But each one is different, and there is no one profile or study of a narcissist’s personality. Some achieve phenomenal success. Some can not even manage to be autonomous.
We asked Nicole Arzt, a licensed marriage and family therapist, speaker, and bestselling author if narcissistic traits can be altered or mitigated over time.
“Yes, narcissistic traits are trauma traits“- she says. “Someone deeply invested in recovering from their trauma and overcoming their normal behavioral patterns may change.
The key is that they must be self-aware and willing to work on themselves. It’s not enough just to “talk” about wanting to change; they must actively put in the effort to do the work.”
Are You the Main Character? Spotting Narcissistic Traits in the Mirror
If you were truly a narcissist, you probably wouldn’t be worried about it. If you’re genuinely concerned about Narcissistic Personality Disorder, it’s more likely that you’re experiencing the effects of being in a relationship with someone who has most of these 12 narcissist traits.
It’s emotionally draining and forces you to adapt to their way of thinking. You might find yourself saying or doing things you’d never do in other situations. This doesn’t mean you’re a narcissist. It can mean the relationship is affecting your mental health.
However, if you do honestly recognize narcissistic traits within yourself, awareness is the first step. Take a covert narcissist test to check your traits.
Also, talking to a mental health professional is always a good idea if you are worried about your behavior or mental health. They can provide support and guidance tailored to your specific situation.
