While a happy life seems different for everyone, the feeling of happiness is similar. It’s like a warm, comforting glow that spreads through your body, bringing a sense of lightness. Yet, despite the universal desire for happiness, many of us wonder why we are so unhappy and experience so many negative emotions.
In this article, we’ll dwell on the most common reasons why you might feel empty. Let’s learn the factors that ruin our happiness and find out how to start making small changes toward a more nurturing life.
Being unhappy. What does it mean?
Being unhappy means experiencing negative emotions like sadness, sorrow, and grief, and/or feeling frustrated with one’s overall life. This term means a lack of happiness — a state of mind that consists of positive emotions and a sense that one’s life is meaningful and valued. [1]
People can be unhappy because of many factors, like loneliness, stress, burnout, or unresolved emotional pain. Sometimes external circumstances (for example, relationship issues or health problems) may play a role; other times, it’s about an inner feeling.
Feeling unsatisfied with life is completely normal, and you can be sad for no reason on any random bad day. Still, it becomes alarming when this frustration is persistent. Here are some other signs that you need to pay more attention to your emotional wellness:
- Constant sadness
- Lack of interest in anything
- Low energy
- Feeling unmotivated
- Sleep & dieting problems
- Lack of concentration
- Social withdrawal
- Feeling of hopelessness
If you experience persistent sadness for over 2 weeks, it may be helpful to contact a therapist and check yourself for the symptoms of depression.
What causes unhappiness? Internal factors
Sometimes, people might feel unhappy not because of social relationship challenges but rather because they experience inner conflicts. Past wounds or present difficulties may shape how we see ourselves and the world around us.
1. Childhood trauma
In childhood, your parents might have argued frequently, forced you to be “perfect” in everything you did, or neglected your emotional needs. Even though you might believe that it hasn’t influenced your future, in many cases, it has.
Stop for a while and think about whose voice you “hear” in your head. It may be your mom, dad, or grandparents saying, “You’re not good enough.” These can also be classmates giggling, “You won’t achieve anything, loser.”
Your lost inner child was emotionally frozen at that time. This is why you can feel frustrated and dissatisfied now, even though your life is going pretty well.
2. Problems with physical health
Some people feel unhappy because their body doesn’t feel well. Physical pain, lack of energy, or hormonal challenges can strongly influence your emotional state. You might think you’re “just tired” or “lazy,” but in fact, it may also be a signal that your body needs attention.
Even more, regular physical exercises directly elevate subjective happiness. [2] When you feel unwell and can’t be as active as usual (or as you want to), it can reduce the natural production of endorphins and serotonin, which are vital for emotional balance.
As a result, you can be more irritable, anxious, or frustrated. It might also turn into a loop because the less you move, the worse you feel, and the harder it becomes to start again.
3. Self-comparison & low self-esteem
We might also feel unhappy if we compare ourselves to others, which lowers our confidence and diminishes our sense of self-worth. But the truth is, when you feel frustrated by everyone’s success, remember that it has an overwhelming effect. Some get married, while others build careers, others become bloggers, and others build startups.
It’s impossible to keep up with everyone at once. And if you try to do this, you’ll face the side effects, like not being happy with life.
Viviana Greco, PhD, comments, “There are two types of social comparison: upward and downward. Upward comparison occurs when we compare ourselves to others who we perceive as ‘superior’ or better in some way, while downward comparison happens when we compare ourselves to those we perceive as ‘inferior.’ It has been suggested that the former can particularly lead to feelings of low self-esteem and incompetence.”
4. Negative thoughts and thinking patterns
The focus on negative thoughts might stem from childhood, communication with people, or even your mentality. However, the outcome is the same: these patterns may lead to life dissatisfaction.
- Black-and-white thinking. “If it’s not absolutely perfect, then it’s a complete failure.”
- Overgeneralization. “Because this work task went wrong, everything in my life is a disaster.”
- Jumping to conclusions. “I have no evidence, but I’m sure they hate me.”
- Catastrophizing. “I spilled a drink at the meeting. Now I’ll be fired for incompetence!”
- Emotional reasoning. “I feel worthless right now, so I’m certain everyone else must see me that way, too.”
Negative self-talk may lead to self-hate. If you notice such patterns in your behavior, you may need to work on replacing them with kinder and more realistic thoughts on your own or reach out for professional help if needed.
The Breeze app can also help you notice negative thinking patterns. The mood tracker and advanced journal are perfect for seeing how you approach different situations and what emotions you experience. Over time, it may help you understand your triggers and learn to respond more calmly to things that cause frustration.
External factors that make you feel unhappy with life
The way we build relationships and interact with the world can also influence our happiness levels. And even if the inner state is pretty stable, other things can affect the way we feel. In particular, these can include:
1. Financial problems
Constant worrying about a lack of finances can lower our quality of life. Moreover, the need to solve these problems often leads to taking on tedious tasks or working more, destroying work-life balance, and leading to emotional burnout. This is why so many people who don’t get enough money stay unhappy at work.
But there’s another side to the coin. You can worry about finances even when everything seems good, which may also influence your unhappiness.
For example, Scrooge McDuck from Disney’s “DuckTales.” Despite his immense wealth, Scrooge often feels unhappy and stressed due to his obsession with money and the constant worry about losing it. So, if your financial worries affect your happiness, it might be helpful to think about whether you need to find additional sources of income or simply change your approach to money.
How often do you worry about finance?
2. Unhealthy relationships
Toxic relationships, emotional neglect, gaslighting, and emotional or financial abuse can negatively influence happiness and mental health. Yet, this is only the top of the iceberg. There are many less noticeable reasons that can make us feel bad:
- Unresolved past conflicts might still run in your mind and create tension in relationships with others, which can lead to constant emotional heaviness.
- Lack of personal space and lack of time for recharge might be difficult to handle, especially if you’re an introverted person.
- Emotional unavailability of your loved ones or closest friends can make you question what happened and lead to unhappy thoughts about whether they try to reject you.
- Imbalance in effort. When one person invests more time, energy, or care than the other, it can make you feel unappreciated, even if you try your best, and can slowly erode your ability to feel loved.
- Different life goals with a partner can create a sense of disconnection and make you feel frustrated about relationships.
This isn’t only about love and romantic connection or finding love. Communication with negative people around us, no matter who they are, can make us feel unhappy. Whether it’s a demanding boss, a critical friend, or a family member, their negativity can influence our personal lives. So, consider all your interactions, not just those with your partner.
3. Lack of socialization
When you don’t experience enough meaningful connections and supportive social relationships, it can make you think, “I’m so unhappy.” Studies prove that a lack of social support significantly contributes to a higher risk for acute stress disorder, burnout, anxiety, depression, and post‐traumatic stress disorder. [3]
In fact, this isn’t only about staying on your own all the time. You might work from home, order food from a local store, and have a friend living on the other continent. Or, maybe, you visit the office every day and spend evenings with your family, but don’t have anyone to go out with.
Expert Insight
“Previous research has shown that both the quantity and quality of social interactions can make us feel happier. Interacting with people we trust and know well, or having more in-depth conversations, can significantly enhance our happiness.”
Viviana Greco
Mental health professional
Mental health conditions that can make people question, “Why am I so unhappy?”
Many mental health challenges may cause sadness and hopelessness. If you don’t understand what’s happened and why, you may constantly feel emotionally numb, which can be a sign of an underlying condition. Delving deeper into your mental health might help you feel better.
1. Depression
Low levels of neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine can lead to both physical and mental health symptoms. As a result, a person may lack energy to do anything, experience changes in sleep patterns, lack appetite, and feel constant fatigue.
2. Anxiety disorders
When constantly staying in the fight-or-flight mode, your body may produce too much cortisol and adrenaline. This makes people with anxiety disorders feel tense, restless, and overwhelmed even by daily situations.
3. Bipolar disorder
Due to brain chemical imbalances, bipolar disorder can cause excessive mood fluctuations. During the mania phase, a person feels happy and energetic, while the depression phase leads to unhappiness.
4. Borderline personality disorder (BPD)
Heightened emotional sensitivity and dysregulated stress response can increase cortisol and adrenaline levels. Because of this, people living with BPD might experience intense mood fluctuations, have an unstable self-image, and fear abandonment, which contributes to unhappiness.
5. Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
A strong traumatic event can rewire the brain’s threat detection and keep stress hormones like cortisol too high. This can make it difficult for a person to find happiness and lead to intrusive memories, sleep problems, and intense reactions to triggering events.
6. Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)
Intrusive obsessions and compulsions can cause anxiety and make a person constantly feel “on edge.” Even more, when the brain stays in the alert mode, it may lead to sleep problems or constant tiredness, which only increases the influence of the disorder.
7. Substance use disorders
Drugs or alcohol can change the brain chemistry, which reduces natural dopamine and serotonin levels. It can lead to problems with physical health while also creating dependence and leading to intense mood fluctuations.
8. Eating disorders
Distorted body image or challenges with food can affect both physical and mental health. When the body doesn’t get enough nutrients, energy levels drop, hormones become unbalanced, and thinking becomes less clear. Mentally, constant worry about weight or avoiding junk food can lead to guilt, shame, and low self-esteem.
9. Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)
Those with ADHD live with lower levels of dopamine and norepinephrine. While these chemicals directly influence the level of motivation and mood regulation, their shortage can make it difficult to focus, plan, or feel rewarded. As a result, people with ADHD may feel frustrated and unhappy.
5 tips to feel happy again
Self-determination theory identifies three basic psychological needs crucial for well-being: feeling capable, close to others, and free. [4] Here’s what you can do to improve some of these aspects.
1. Set meaningful goals
To feel more in control of your life, you may need to plan the good things you want to achieve. For instance, instead of feeling frustrated about money, you can plan something like, “Find an additional source of income in the next 2 weeks.” Then, you can break down this goal into micro-steps, like:
- Research online opportunities or freelance platforms
- Update your resume or portfolio
- Reach out to one potential client or employer each day
- Set aside a specific time daily to work on the new opportunity
- Track your progress at the end of each day
When you point out areas for development in different spheres of life, it gives you more understanding of what to do next. This can add motivation to daily tasks and create a sense of purpose.
2. Get out of your comfort zone
Feeling free and confident may require stepping aside from the routine. You can try something new:
- Find a new hobby
- Travel to an unknown destination
- Attend a social or networking event where you don’t know anyone
- Take on a small challenge at work
In fact, anything that you’ve never done before can bring a fresh perspective and make you see life from a different angle.
3. Build nurturing connections
Healthy relationships and a strong support network can help you feel much better during the most difficult times in life. If you don’t know how to find new friends as an adult, here are some ideas:
- Meet your friends’ friends and try to find a common language with them.
- Try a new hobby or join a local class to meet like-minded people.
- Text people you already know but haven’t talked to in a while.
- Attend community or networking events.
- Take a solo trip to meet new people far away from home.
4. Focus on problem-solving rather than rumination on negative thoughts
The need to decide on a course of action might lead to frustration. Instead of ruminating over worries, you can identify what you can control and try to focus only on the things you can change.
Then, list steps to overcome the problem. For example, if you have challenges in communication with colleagues, you can plan a calm conversation to clarify misunderstandings. You can also set a deadline and create a plan B if plan A doesn’t work.
Seek advice from the person you trust to feel more confident and see the situation from a different perspective. Once everything is ready, take action and track your progress, even if the results come slowly. Try to focus on what has changed rather than dwelling on the things that are out of control.
5. Reach for professional help from a mental health professional
In case nothing seems to help, or you suppose that you might live with a mental health condition, it’s better to visit a clinical psychologist. A mental health professional will help you understand the root cause of your unhappiness and provide guidance to manage emotions effectively. Over time, you’ll learn to handle frustration and overwhelm and find moments of happiness.
Sources
- Peeters, Luc. (2024). “The Science of Happiness: Definition of Happiness.”
- Katarzyna Iwon, Julia Skibinska, Dorota Jasielska, Sonia Kalwarczyk. “Elevating Subjective Well-Being Through Physical Exercises: An Intervention Study.” Frontiers in Psychology. 2021
- Holt-Lunstad J. “Social connection as a critical factor for mental and physical health: evidence, trends, challenges, and future implications.” World Psychiatry. 2024
- Levine SL, Brabander CJ, Moore AM, Holding AC, Koestner R. “Unhappy or unsatisfied: distinguishing the role of negative affect and need frustration in depressive symptoms over the academic year and during the COVID-19 pandemic.” Motiv Emot. 2022
Disclaimer
This article is for general informative and self-discovery purposes only. It should not replace expert guidance from professionals.
Any action you take in response to the information in this article, whether directly or indirectly, is solely your responsibility and is done at your own risk. Breeze content team and its mental health experts disclaim any liability, loss, or risk, personal, professional, or otherwise, which may result from the use and/or application of any content.
Always consult your doctor or other certified health practitioner with any medical questions or concerns
Breeze articles exclusively cite trusted sources, such as academic research institutions and medical associations, including research and studies from PubMed, ResearchGate, or similar databases. Examine our subject-matter editors and editorial process to see how we verify facts and maintain the accuracy, reliability, and trustworthiness of our material.
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