Anger Management: How to Control Anger Before It Controls You

All people may experience anger occasionally due to different reasons. This is a normal and typical human emotion, which isn’t bad as it is. However, in some cases, uncontrolled anger can bring challenges in building relationships, constant arguments with colleagues, and influence the overall quality of life. 

In this article, we’ll explore what anger management is, how to control your anger in the moment, and what to do if you have a short fuse in general.

What is anger?

Anger is a reaction to a real or imaginary threat when a person feels empowered to defend their boundaries or experience a sense of injustice. This emotional response is characterized by tension and hostility that arises from frustration, perceived injustice, or injury by another. It ranges from mild irritation to an intense rage.

Physiologically, anger triggers the “fight or flight” response that leads to the release of stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol, which might cause both physical reactions and psychological responses. The body may react with a quick heartbeat or breathing and tense muscles. Psychological responses may include racing thoughts and a strong focus on the source of frustration.

Typical vs. dysregulated anger

Experiencing angry feelings is not inherently problematic. Even more, it’s good when people don’t bottle up emotions and release extra tension. Nevertheless, there can also be dysregulated anger. Here’s the difference:

Typical anger	Dysregulated anger
Stems from realistic frustrations or conflicts	Happens due to minor or imagined triggers
Mild or moderate	Intense and overwhelming
Fades after the situation resolves	May linger for a person without a clear reason
A person can maintain emotional autonomy by controlling reactions and responding thoughtfully	A person behaves impulsively and may feel guilty for their behavior afterward

Why managing anger is important

Normal anger is necessary to release and possible to regulate. But when we talk about uncontrolled anger, it can negatively influence our well-being. So, it’s vital to manage anger to avoid problems with:

• Physical well-being. Studies prove that chronic anger may lead to coronary heart disease, bulimic behavior, and type 2 diabetes. [1] It may also be associated with other health challenges caused by permanently high cortisol levels and high blood pressure.

• Relationships. Regular angry outbursts might be a toxic trait that can lead to instability within a relationship, conflicts, or even breakups with romantic partners.

• Career. If you can’t control your anger, it may signal a lack of communication skills. This is a significant issue for teamwork that can damage your work performance.

• Social life. Your friends might be unhappy with your anger outbursts as well. If conflicting situations arise quite often, it might make it harder to maintain meaningful connections.

• Self-esteem. Permanent feelings of regret and shame may lead to negative self-talk and feeling insecure in social situations.

Signs you may need anger management

Many people can regulate anger pretty well, and even if something goes wrong once in a lifetime, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you need to improve anger management skills. However, it may be beneficial to embrace ways of navigating through frustrating situations if you experience this behavior.

• You feel out of control. If angry feelings make you experience conflict with others, be rude, throw things around, or engage in substance abuse, it shows your emotions are taking over and in charge and need to be managed.

• You experience frequent anger without a clear reason. It may signal that the problem lies deeper than you think. So, it’s better to delve deeper and overcome both the reason for angry feelings and their manifestations.

• You suppose that underlying health problems may stem from the inability to manage anger. Heart diseases, digestive problems, and weakened immunity might be the physical warning signs that your anger level is often too high.

• Your social life got worse due to anger problems. If chronic anger has a negative impact on communication with your friends and family, you might need to express it in other ways.

Causes and triggers of anger

Both internal and external factors may trigger anger. While reactions differ from person to person, the most common things that can make you feel angry are the following.

1. Stress and frustrating life events

Studies prove that acute stress impairs cognitive emotion regulation used to control anger. [4] It can stem from life challenges that you’re unable to change, like work pressure, financial problems, or personal conflicts.

Typically, people can handle related negative emotions, but when stress becomes permanent, it negatively influences the overall emotional well-being. It keeps your body in a state of heightened alert and increases the production of cortisol and adrenaline. This constant tension makes it harder to access your prefrontal cortex, which aids in thinking rationally, logically, and calmly.

2. Interpersonal conflicts 

Negative experiences in communication with others violate a sense of fairness and control. These can include:

• Injustice
• Unfair treatment
• Miscommunication
• Broken trust
• Disrespect or rudeness

Feeling angry because of unmet expectations is pretty normal. However, when negative feelings become your default reaction, they can harm relationships.

3. Toxic relationships

If you experience emotional abuse, feel neglected, or lack emotional engagement from a partner, it can also trigger a stress response. You can get angry easily as a result of trying to protect yourself from negative emotions. Thus, when your relationships are full of conflicts and emotional pain, it’s natural for anger to surface as a reaction to tension.

4. Physical factors

Problems with physical health also put your body under constant stress. When you’re in pain or worry about treatment and diagnosis, it can be difficult to control your anger. In addition, hormonal fluctuations and hypoglycemia may cause sudden mood fluctuations or low tolerance to frustration.

5. Lack of sleep & self-care

When someone is mentally and physically exhausted, it gets challenging for a person to control their emotions and avoid anger outbursts. In particular, problems with anger management may be caused by: 

• unstable sleeping schedule
• lack of physical activity
• unbalanced diet
• feeling lonely
• excessive screen time

Lack of self-care or an unbalanced schedule causes stress, which gradually lowers emotional resilience. As the body and mind don’t get enough rest, even minor irritations can trigger strong reactions.

6. Past trauma

Adverse childhood experiences and traumatizing events may affect our ability to regulate emotions. If you live with childhood trauma or PTSD, it may be challenging for you to:

• Control impulses
• Feel safe in social situations
• Trust others
• Stay calm during conflicts
• Recognize triggers in advance

As a result, anger can become a defense mechanism. It becomes a natural response to protect yourself from situations that don’t actually pose danger.

7. Mental health problems

The article published in Clinical Psychology Review states that anger is central to the DSM-5 definitions of five disorders. These include: 

• Intermittent explosive disorder (IED)
• Borderline personality disorder (BPD)
• Bipolar disorder (BD)
• Disruptive mood dysregulation disorder (DMDD)
• Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD)

This connection exists because many mental health disorders affect the brain regions responsible for emotional control, such as the amygdala and prefrontal cortex. When these areas don’t function properly, it becomes harder to manage intense emotions like anger.

10 quick anger management techniques

Simple anger management strategies can help you gain control of your anger in the moment and reduce conflicts with close ones. Save them for later to calm down if you have a “bad day.”

1. Slowly count to 10

It creates a pause that allows you to avoid impulsive actions and feel calmer. When counting, concentrate on your breathing and give yourself some quiet time to regain control over your emotions.

2. Do the 4-7-8 breathing technique

• Inhale slowly through your nose for 4 counts.
• Hold your breath for 7 counts.
• Exhale through your mouth for 8 counts.

Breathe deeply and repeat this process 4-6 times to slow your heart rate and manage overwhelming anger. 

3. Try the progressive muscle relaxation technique

It helps release physical tension that builds up with anger.

• Sit or lie down in a comfortable position.
• Starting with your feet, tense the muscles for a few seconds, then relax them.
• Tense and relax each muscle group for a few seconds: calves, thighs, stomach, arms, shoulders, and face.
• Sit for a few minutes observing your thoughts.

4. Use your senses

Another way to shift focus is to pay attention to the world around you. For instance, you can use the 3-3-3 rule:

• Name 3 things you see
• Name 3 sounds you hear
• Move 3 body parts

This simple grounding technique brings you back to the present moment and shifts focus from racing thoughts.

5. Do a reality check

Even though anger is a healthy emotion, it can appear when nothing serious happens. To process this understanding, you may ask yourself:

• Is this situation really as serious as I feel it is?
• Will this matter in an hour, a day, or a week?
• Could there be another way to look at this situation?
• What can I do to fix it instead of concentrating on the anger itself?

6. Walk away from the triggering situation or distract yourself

Dwelling on thoughts about an upsetting situation only fuels your anger. Instead, it can be helpful to shift your attention to something completely different. For instance, if you have an argument with someone and want to prevent further conflict development, you can go to another room and focus on something calming.

Anything that takes your mind off the source of irritation can help. The goal is to give yourself time and space to cool down. You can:

• Listen to calming music
• Talk to your friend
• Focus on the work task
• Wash the dishes, etc.

7. Talk about your feelings

Instead of ruminating on negative thoughts, share them with a person you trust. You can describe what made you angry and explain what you feel about the situation. Ask your friend for their advice or another perspective. Yet, make sure that you work on fixing the problem rather than only venting about it again and again.

8. Use humor

To avoid sarcasm and lighten the mood, you can turn a tense situation into a joke. Just pay attention to laughing at the situation rather than at another person or their values. For example, notice the absurdity of minor errors or your overreactions. Even if it won’t be so funny, your laughter will let you release tension.

9. Focus on facts

Anger prevents you from thinking clearly. For instance, if your colleague makes a mistake at work and you need to fix it, you may start thinking, “They always mess things up” or “They don’t care about the team.”

Instead, try to stop exaggerating and concentrate on what’s really going on. Say to yourself, “OK, this mistake happened. How can I handle it?” When you focus on the facts instead of assumptions, it allows you to think clearly and solve the problem.

10. Move

Studies have found that physical activity helps reduce aggression among children and adolescents. [4] You don’t need to do a complete workout. Instead, try to go for a walk, do a few jumping jacks, or even pace around the room. Concentrate on your feelings in the body rather than ruminating on negative thoughts.

11. Follow one of the anger management rules

Remember one of the following rules and opt for it every time you feel overwhelmed.

4 A’s of anger management

• Admit the fact that the situation happens.
• Acknowledge its impact.
• Apologize for your reaction.
• Act to fix the issue.

3 R’s of anger management

• Recognize the anger before it becomes overwhelming.
• Reduce its intensity and try to calm down.
• Reflect on what caused your emotions and how to manage them in the future.

4 C’s of anger management

• Calmness. Approach each situation without excessive worrying, as it won’t be really helpful.
• Clarity. Analyze your emotions to understand the root cause of anger.
• Communication. Express your feelings respectfully.
• Change. Adjust your behavior or avoid triggers to reduce further anger spikes.

5 long-term management strategies for anger issues

Learning to calm down your irritation in the moment can be rather helpful. But another part of anger management is the ability to reduce the number of triggering situations and improve emotional regulation in general. Here’s what can help:

1. Identify triggers

Think about what causes intense emotions on a daily basis. For instance, you experience outbursts because of permanent stress. In this case, you can feel angry every time after getting stuck in a traffic jam or getting late messages from colleagues. 

But these small triggers can be overcome and fixed. You may take another road to work or turn off notifications after 6 p.m. While just one change may seem unnoticeable when you’re under stress, organizing your life in general can help you feel much calmer.

2. Learn to notice the first warning signs

When you feel that another anger outburst is on the way, it’s better to prevent it. Early warning signs may include:

• Faster heartbeat
• Tense muscles
• Clenching your jaw
• Racing thoughts
• Headaches
• Facing trouble concentrating

Noticing these signs can help you understand that you’re getting excessively worried, and it’s time to apply anger management techniques. It’s much easier to prevent escalation than to deal with the consequences.

3. Find out the reason behind your anger

Overwhelming anger with no clear reason or excessive reactions to stress does not stem from nowhere. Take a look at the causes of anger mentioned in this article. Think about what may trigger your reaction the most often. It may also be helpful to engage in self-reflection to understand your feelings.

Try the mood tracker from Breeze. Anytime you feel angry, you can note these feelings and write down what triggered them. If the problem is on the surface, you’ll be able to notice it faster and fix it quickly. However, if the issue is more all-encompassing (like childhood trauma outcomes or physical health problems), it can highlight what you need to focus on to reduce stress in the long term.

Try Breeze

4. Think about whether your anger is helpful

Once you know what causes your anger, don’t jump to conclusions. There may also be cases when your anger can be rather helpful to fix the situation or overcome unfair treatment.

For instance, if you have come up with an idea that helped your company boost sales, but a colleague tries to take credit for it, feeling frustrated can motivate you to speak up. You don’t need to engage in conflict or argue directly. However, the anger can empower you to articulate your perspective clearly and take action to ensure recognition for your work.

Remember, anger is a secondary emotion, meaning there is typically another emotion anger is covering up or distracting you from, such as disappointment or pain. 

5. Express anger in healthy ways

There are healthier and more nurturing ways to express your emotions than just engaging in conflicts. Anger is energy, so finding ways to express this energy can be a helpful release. If some events affect your mood or frustrate you, you can try:

• Regular exercise. Physical activity stimulates the release of dopamine and endorphins that stabilize mood while also helping regulate the stress hormone cortisol.

• Yoga and meditation. Aside from improving hormonal balances, these practices teach you to be mindful and focus on your feelings. They can help you notice even minor discomfort before it escalates into anger and avoid reacting impulsively.

• Journaling is another way to release tension before it turns into intense emotions. Spend 5 minutes every evening listing your worries in the Breeze app, and after a few days of answering mindful questions, you’ll notice a real difference.

Common myths about anger

Myth 1. Experiencing anger is bad in general

According to the study, anger brings some benefits for attaining goals and getting better performance, especially in tasks that require perseverance. Anger can be helpful to:

• Act with increased motivation and put more effort
• Make decisions faster
• Be more goal-oriented [2] 

Also, anger can serve as a signal that something is going wrong and you need to pay attention to a certain situation or problem. Anger also helps us identify what is important to us, such as our values and morals. 

Myth 2. Anger is something a person can’t manage at all

If you can’t manage your behavior during angry moments, it can lead to actions you’ll regret later. But anger can and needs to be controlled through simple anger management techniques (like counting slowly to 10 or using humor) and long-term anger management strategies (such as finding healthy ways to release anger).

Some people may need professional help to overcome anger or deal with mental issues that trigger it. Yet, anger management is still possible.

Myth 3. Expressing anger aggressively is the only way to release it

You can release the “fight or flight” response without direct aggression. It may be helpful to discuss calmly the fact that something frustrates you. Also, you can turn the situation into a joke or walk away from someone who triggers negative emotions.  

Anger management therapy and professional mental health help

If the most common strategies seem unhelpful or you want to improve your anger management skills even further, it may be necessary to reach for professional help. Here are the approaches that might be helpful.

1. Anger management classes

These are structured programs that help people replace destructive responses with more helpful coping strategies. Anger management classes happen in small groups and provide a safe environment for people not only to learn to manage intense emotions but also to support each other.

2. Assertiveness training

This is a behavioral program that helps people avoid anger masking and improve communication skills. You’ll learn to better understand what you want in various life situations and spot anger much faster. 

3. Cognitive restructuring

Another anger management therapy approach allows people to identify and challenge negative thoughts, question their reality, and replace them with more helpful ones. This is a core component of cognitive-behavioral therapy that can reduce impulsive actions. 

4. Conflict resolution skills training

It helps people manage tense situations more effectively and constructively. Instead of acting quickly and without thinking, conflict resolution training helps you de-escalate disagreements and find common language with anyone.

5. Family or couples therapy

If anger influences your relationships and leads to constant conflicts with loved ones, family therapy might be helpful. You can discuss disagreements in a safe space and have a mediator who guides the conversation, helps each person feel heard, and teaches strategies for resolving conflicts without escalating anger.

6. Trauma-informed therapy 

For people who have experienced traumatizing events before, trauma-informed therapy can be the best choice for anger management. It goes deeper and focuses on the cause of intense emotions and reactive anger.

Helping others to control anger

When others experience anger or mild irritation, you may feel confused and uncertain about how to react. Thus, we’ve provided several tips.

• Stay calm and listen without interrupting. If you don’t want a person to become even angrier, it’s better to avoid intense reactions.

• Acknowledge their feelings. You can say something like, “I see that you’re angry. How can I help you?” or “It makes sense that you feel this way.” Such an empathetic approach shows a person that they’re heard.

• Set boundaries. If you want their anger not to make you feel uncomfortable, communicate your limits clearly. “I want to talk without shouting” may be a good phrase to change the tone.

• Avoid criticism or judgment. Any person can feel frustrated or overwhelmed. Instead of pointing out what they’re doing wrong, try to offer understanding and support. 

Sources

1. Staicu ML, Cuţov M. “Anger and health risk behaviors.” J Med Life. 2010
2. Heather C. Lench, Noah T. Reed, Tiffany George, Kaitlyn A. Kaiser, and Sophia G. North. “Anger Has Benefits for Attaining Goals.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology: Attitudes and Social Cognition. 2023
3. Jun Zhan, Xiaofei Wu, Jin Fan, Jianyou Guo, Jianshe Zhou, Jun Ren, Chang Liu, Jing Luo. “Regulating Anger under Stress via Cognitive Reappraisal and Sadness.” Frontiers in Psychology. 2017
4. Na Ouyang, Jianghong Liu. “Effect of physical activity interventions on aggressive behaviors for children and adolescents: A systematic review and meta-analysis.” Aggression and Violent Behavior. 2023