10 Signs of A Narcissistic Husband

When you started dating him, you couldn’t believe how lucky you were. He was charming, outgoing, and caring. He admired you and made you feel special.

Gradually, he has become critical and controlling, making everything about him without caring about what you feel or think. The man you met slowly disappeared and turned into a completely different person.

How did this happen? What went wrong? How could he have changed so much? The thing is, he probably hasn’t changed and has always been like this. But at the beginning of the relationship, he only showed you his best side, and you believed him.

If this scenario sounds familiar to you, then your husband probably has narcissistic traits. Let’s learn more about the traits and behavior of a narcissistic husband.

What Is a Narcissistic Husband?

According to a University of Buffalo study that analyzed data from 475,000 people diagnosed with some form of narcissistic disorder, men are more likely to have the disorder than women [1]. Typically, a man with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is distinguished by a grandiose sense of self-importance, a constant need for excessive admiration, and a lack of empathy, as stated by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM-5) [2].

Typically, people with different types of narcissism struggle with close relationships. In relationships or marriage, they demand attention and seek validation of their uniqueness to reinforce their fragile self-esteem. They may also confuse the attachment that accompanies healthy relationships and cooperation with emotional dependency and a desire to possess.

The demands for constant adoration and recognition of their inflated sense of superiority, which the narcissist often implements in the form of excessive control over the partner’s thoughts and feelings, in most cases, lead to conflicts and increase their manipulative behavior.

All this is accompanied by narcissistic tendencies to devalue the partner, ignore their feelings, show extreme coldness and indifference, and compete for any reason.

Behind the grandiose persona, a man with narcissistic personality disorder often struggles with his own range of negative experiences: frustration and dissatisfaction with himself, sharp mood changes, and low self-worth. The possible reason is the early wounds, including emotional neglect, conditional love, or unrealistic parental expectations during childhood.

To feel better, he may constantly seek praise and attention, especially from you. But no matter how much you give, it never feels like enough. If he doesn’t get the admiration he wants, he might get angry or shut you out. That’s because the emptiness he feels is internal and cannot be filled from the outside. This emotional cycle can leave you drained, wondering, “Why do I feel empty?”

We asked Emily Mendez, M.S., Ed.S, how to distinguish narcissism from selfishness. Everybody is selfish from time to time. Examples of selfishness include neglecting to text someone back and refusing to give in. Narcissism, on the other hand, is deeper. It is a trait that is related to narcissistic personality disorder. A person who displays narcissism will have a need for control and power, and will go after it — at the expense of others.

The 10 Signs of a Narcissistic Husband

The following personality traits are signs that your husband may be a narcissist, according to research on gender differences in narcissism [3]:

1. He’s vain and likes to brag

Narcissists talk about how great they are at all times. A narcissistic husband may go around telling everyone about his incredible successes and accomplishments. He may also exaggerate his achievements and embellish their talents to gain admiration and adoration from others. He believes that he is not like others and that there are few people equal to him. 

This means that his surroundings have to match. The narcissist likes to associate himself with “special” people and believes only such people deserve relationships with him. That’s why he chooses the most popular, successful, smart people or those with a high social status as his friends and partners. In this way, he reflects himself through them. A narcissist may also see his wife as an attribute of his success, and he may brag about her.

2. He shows no empathy

A narcissistic husband lacks empathy and the ability to see your point of view on anything, according to research on empathy in narcissism [4]. He doesn’t care how you feel or if you’re hurt. 

The experiences of other people, even very close ones, do not interest him, but most often irritate him. He probably doesn’t notice when you’re upset or angry, or may openly express his indifference or anger in response to your emotions.

Narcissists are usually too self-absorbed to listen to other people. If you are not quite sure whether your husband is a narcissistic person or not, pay attention to what happens if you try to share something about your life. Is he asking questions, trying to find out more? Or is he just waiting for the moment to become the center of attention again?

If you wonder how emotionally aware you are in relationships, take a quick Emotional Intelligence Test to gain insights into how you read others, express yourself, and handle emotionally intense situations.

3. He doesn’t listen to your opinion

Whether it’s something as simple as what you want to do on Saturday night or as big as what house to buy, a narcissistic husband probably doesn’t really listen to your opinion. He may pretend to, but then he still does what he wants, no matter what you think.

He may believe that he is superior to others in everything, look down on people, and use them to get what he wants, showing arrogant and haughty behavior. Usually, the feelings and needs of others do not matter to him.

In fact, he tends to ignore all opinions, statements, and assessments that do not coincide with his own picture of the world or cause discomfort. He thinks he knows everything better. But actually, he doesn’t really care what the truth is; he just wants to “win” and be right.

4. He constantly picks on you

At first, it seems like good-natured teasing, but over time, it becomes a constant background, and the comments turn from good-natured to mean and rude. Suddenly, everything you do becomes a reason for criticism, and it doesn’t matter whether it’s your choice of career or how you laugh in public. He constantly points out your flaws, corrects your opinions, or makes passive-aggressive comments like “I just want you to be the best version of yourself.” 

The reason is that a narcissistic husband may lower other people’s self-esteem to increase his own, because it makes him feel powerful. When you’re upset or angry with his actions, it shows him that he has the power to influence your emotional state.

In the worst-case scenario, a husband with traits of a narcissist may try to not only pick on you but also control you. For example, you try on a new pair of jeans, and he says, “You can’t leave the house in these. They’re too tight.” Or when you make plans to go out with friends, he shuts you down and says you can’t. He may restrict you in different areas of your life, making decisions for you or treating you like a child instead of an equal partner.

5. He gaslights you

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation and typical narcissistic behavior. When he uses it on you, he plants seeds of doubt in your head. This, in turn, makes you question your own memory or sanity. He twists reality against you and makes you wonder, “Why am I so emotional?”.

Narcissists use gaslighting to make others doubt themselves. It’s a way for them to feel superior to others. For example, you may notice him flirting with someone, but if you bring it up as a sign of disrespect, you will be accused: “You made a scene out of nothing!” As a result, he will brush it off as no big deal and tell you to just get over it.

Here are more signs that you may be experiencing gaslighting:

• You no longer feel like the same person you used to be.
• You have become more anxious and less confident.
• You often wonder how to stop being sensitive.
• When something goes wrong, you always assume it is your fault.
• You apologize often.
• You feel emotionally exhausted and like something is wrong, but you don’t understand what.
• You feel like a failure.
• You constantly doubt that your response to your partner is correct.
• You justify your husband’s behavior and neglect your own desires.

6. He doesn’t have real friends

Ask yourself the following questions. How does your partner feel about a person from whom he does not need anything? Does he have old friends?

If you look closely at your husband’s social circle, you may notice that he is surrounded mostly by casual acquaintances, colleagues, or people who match his social status but lack real emotional closeness. The reason is that people with NPD or with narcissistic personality traits often don’t have long-standing, meaningful friendships. Deep, mutual connections are rare, and relationships tend to be transactional or superficial.

7. He blames you or plays the victim

A husband with narcissistic behavior never takes personal responsibility for anything and always blames you or other people, according to the study on the role of narcissism in the perception of transgressions [5]. Everything is always someone else’s fault, and he does absolutely nothing wrong. Even if you try to reason with him to understand why his actions were wrong, he will deny it and try to blame you instead.

Since nothing is his fault, your narcissistic husband is usually the “victim” of others’ actions. If his work project fails, he will blame his boss, co-worker, or clients.

8. He is very demanding

He can be very demanding, saying things like, “You owe me,” or acting like everyone should give him special treatment.

He’s often a perfectionist, expecting things to be done exactly his way. If they’re not, he gets upset or refuses to accept them. He may also be overly focused on small, unimportant details and insist that everything be just right, which can make daily life feel stressful and emotionally draining for his close ones.

9. He envies others or believes that others envy him

Narcissists feel threatened whenever they are confronted with someone who seems to have something they lack, especially those who are confident and popular. They also feel uncomfortable with people who challenge them in any way or don’t automatically admire them. 

That’s why a narcissistic husband may use contempt as a defense mechanism. He may often humiliate, intimidate, or belittle others to boost his low self-esteem. This behavior helps him justify why others criticize or disagree with him, rather than reflect on his own actions. He also usually doesn’t trust others and may be suspicious for no apparent reason.

10. He may play a “Nice guy”

Not all narcissistic husbands are overt narcissists, loud, arrogant, or cruel. Some of them are covert narcissists who seem charming, polite, generous, and socially respected, yet leave their partners feeling unseen, gaslit, and emotionally exhausted. 

“Nice guy” narcissists maintain a likable public image while manipulating behind closed doors. Their behavior may appear charismatic and charming for a time, but then it becomes cold and calculating.

Thus, his generosity becomes a tool to make you feel indebted or inadequate, while his charm is a mask, making it even harder for their partners to identify the emotional abuse or find validation from others.

The Emotional Impact of a Narcissistic Marriage

Next to a narcissistic man, his wife may experience anxiety, feeling worthless and apathetic, and may develop symptoms of depression. Typically, he can’t be emotionally available when you’re struggling and may ignore your feelings. Sometimes he may experience unpredictable outbursts of rage, so-called narcissistic anger, leaving you wondering, “Why is my husband yelling at me for no reason?”

Over time, a narcissistic relationship with its constant criticism, control, or subtle put-downs can harm your mental health. You might begin doubting your decisions, suppressing your opinions, or questioning your worth. Many partners of narcissists report losing sight of who they were before the relationship, according to research on the victims of narcissistic partners [6].

Narcissistic Husband vs. Emotionally Immature Husband

A narcissistic husband typically seeks constant admiration and has a strong need to feel superior to others. His behavior is rooted in deep insecurity, but it shows up as arrogance, entitlement, and exploitative behavior. 

He may manipulate, gaslight, or use silent treatment on his partner to maintain control. These men often blame others for problems, rarely take responsibility, and may show charming behavior in public while being critical or cruel at home.

A person who exhibits narcissistic traits tends to lack true self-awareness and doesn’t easily change, because they don’t believe they’re the problem. Their behavior can be emotionally abusive, leaving their partners confused, doubting themselves, and feeling isolated.

An emotionally immature husband, on the other hand, is not necessarily manipulative, but struggles with expressing feelings, handling conflict, or taking emotional responsibility. He might avoid difficult conversations, become defensive when criticized, or withdraw rather than face issues.

While emotionally immature husbands can be frustrating in a relationship, they are often capable of growth, especially if they’re willing to practice self-reflection, wonder how to work on yourself, and seek support. The key difference is that they may genuinely care but lack the tools or awareness to show it.

Thus, a narcissistic spouse typically harms through control and manipulation, while an emotionally immature husband hurts through neglect or avoidance. 

How to Deal With a Narcissistic Husband

In a relationship with a narcissist, the most important thing is not to lose yourself, not to follow his lead, and not to give him the opportunity to humiliate and disregard your feelings and needs. Here’s how to deal with a narcissist:

1. Distance yourself emotionally

Ignore toxic statements and attempts to provoke you. This doesn’t mean you become cold. It means you stop feeding into manipulation or trying to reason with irrational behavior. Use short replies like “That’s your opinion,” or “I’m not going to argue about this.”

2. Establish and maintain boundaries

Secondly, define your needs, desires, and boundaries in a relationship with a narcissistic husband. If they are violated in any way, defend them. For example: “I won’t continue this conversation if you raise your voice.” 

If healthy boundaries are violated, follow through with consequences like leaving the room, ending the call, or taking a break from the discussion. Don’t over-explain. Narcissists often twist your reasoning. A clear “no” or “this doesn’t work for me” is enough.

3. Practice self-care

It is important that your response to a narcissist is dictated by confidence, self-respect, and self-love. Be aware of your own value and inner strength. Don’t let your husband suppress your will, restrain your self-expression, and lower your self-esteem.

You may use positive affirmations for women to boost your self-confidence and cultivate inner peace, and listen to motivational podcasts for women to get inspiration for personal growth.

The Breeze app may also come in handy to support your emotional well-being. With just a few minutes each day, you can track your mood, access guided exercises for stress and anxiety, and build confidence with simple, science-backed routines. You’ll also find tools like self-discovery tests on emotional intelligence, childhood trauma, career, relationships, and many more to understand your emotional patterns and grow stronger.

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When to Seek Help or Leave

According to research on bias and learning in narcissism, people with NPD are not prone to learn from their own mistakes simply because they are sure that they did not make them [7]. Narcissistic traits tend to be deeply rooted and lasting change is rare unless the person actively seeks professional help, which many narcissists avoid, since they usually don’t blame themselves for anything. 

They usually seek help from specialists because of related mental health conditions like depression, borderline personality disorder, or substance use disorder. Psychotherapy may have a positive effect on NPD. Developed coping strategies can help a person improve relationships with people, learn to withstand criticism, stop despising themselves and others, set realistic goals, and achieve them.

A mental health professional may also help identify psychological trauma, resolve the subconscious conflict in the self-esteem of a narcissistic husband, and harmonize his relationships with the family. So, if you observe the signs of NPD in your husband, try to talk to him about considering therapy.

Leaving a Narcissistic Husband

You may need to consider leaving if:

• He refuses therapy or change, and continues the same behavior despite your efforts.
• You’ve tried setting boundaries, but they’re repeatedly ignored or used against you.
• He uses apologies as manipulation to temporarily “reset” things without any real change.
• You began to experience anxiety, depression, panic attacks, or numbness.
• You feel like you’re losing yourself, your voice, your freedom, or your dreams.
• You’re staying out of fear, obligation, or financial control, not love or hope, and may sometimes think, “I hate my husband”.

Often, women trying to break up with a narcissist may face a “honeymoon repeat.” Internally feeling insulted and humiliated, the narcissist may do everything to get his wife back. 

He will say all the right things to convince you that he has changed. But it won’t be long before it becomes clear that you are still dealing with the same person. Therefore, relationships with a narcissistic husband may develop into a cycle of breakups and reunions. 

How to End a Relationship with a Narcissist Safely

However, if you decide to put an end to your communication, try the following:

1. Write down the reasons why you want to break up

You can periodically re-read this list if the narcissist tries to get you back into the relationship.

2. Cut off all contact

You may ask one of your friends to pick up your things from the narcissist and block him on all messengers. If you have children together, at first, ask someone close to you to be with you at common meetings.

3. Be prepared for reactions

When breaking up a relationship, narcissistic men can use manipulation or become aggressive. Once the narcissist realizes it’s over, they may get mad. He may do everything they can to hurt you for leaving him. The reason is that his ego is so bruised that he might feel nothing but rage and hatred, believing that everything, including the breakup, is the fault of others. 

A narcissist may say mean things to you, immediately start dating someone else to make you jealous, or even try to “steal” your friends or turn children against you. Don’t hesitate to ask for emotional support. You can find it from loved ones, relatives, or a mental health professional.

Sources

1. Matthew Biddle. Men tend to be more narcissistic than women. March 2015.
2. Sheenie Ambardar. Narcissistic Personality Disorder. March 2025.
3. Grijalva, E., Newman, D. A., Tay, L., Donnellan, M. B., Harms, P. D., Robins, R. W., & Yan, T. Gender differences in narcissism: A meta-analytic review. 2015.
4. Greta Urbonaviciute, Erica G. Hepper. When is narcissism associated with low empathy? A meta-analytic review. December 2020.
5. McCullough ME, Emmons RA, Kilpatrick SD, Mooney CN. Narcissists as “victims:” The role of narcissism in the perception of transgressions. 2003.
6. Green A, Charles K. Voicing the victims of narcissistic partners: A qualitative analysis of responses to narcissistic injury and self-esteem regulation. 2019.
7. Howes, S. S., Kausel, E. E., Jackson, A. T., & Reb, J. When and Why Narcissists Exhibit Greater Hindsight Bias and Less Perceived Learning. June, 2020.