Dark Empath: Traits, Behavior, and How to Deal With

People tend to see empaths as people who easily connect with the emotions of others, are always ready to provide a helping hand, and act with kindness. However, not all people with high emotional awareness are the same. There are also dark empaths: people who can understand others’ feelings but use them to get what they want.

In this article, we’ll explore what makes dark empaths different, the traits they often display, their difference from narcissists, and practical ways to protect yourself from manipulative interactions.

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Understanding the dark empath

According to an article published in Frontiers in Psychology, dark empaths are individuals combining high cognitive empathy with dark traits (narcissism, psychopathy, Machiavellianism). [1] This psychological construct doesn’t mean that such people live with any of the mentioned disorders. Nevertheless, they have a personality type that involves subclinical levels of dark traits and deep emotional understanding.

Dark empaths can quickly perceive what people feel, but unlike typical empaths, they don’t get emotionally involved. Instead, they use cognitive empathy to rationally understand another person’s thoughts and perspective. Such people can use others’ vulnerabilities for their own advantage, for instance, to manipulate people around them or gain influence and become the leaders of certain groups.

How dark empathy forms

Dark empathy can emerge when dark traits (that can be inherited [2]) interact with negative life experiences like childhood trauma or emotional neglect. There may be several common cases.

1. A child who grew up in a dysfunctional family dynamic where parental behavior is unpredictable and quickly changing. They needed to learn to read the emotions of others from early years in order to anticipate how their close ones feel that day and adjust their behavior for safety. Over time, this survival skill may turn into a habitual way of using emotional awareness strategically rather than empathetically.

2. In other families, children may feel valuable for agreeing with everything and being “good kids.” This might be typical for families with narcissistic parents (especially altruistic narcissists), as they learn early that love and attention depend on compliance rather than authenticity. To maintain approval, they may develop superficial charm and empathetic traits to analyze the feelings of others and react accordingly, even without getting actually involved.

3. Some children learn to hide their true feelings because showing vulnerability results in rejection. To protect themselves, they keep emotional distance. What might later appear as emotional depth can, in reality, be empathy expressed not to connect but to avoid closeness.

Core traits and behaviors of dark empaths

While the terms dark empathy and dark triad traits are connected, those who live only with the dark triad tend to have low levels of empathy [3]. At the same time, dark empaths have these traits and retain the ability to read emotions. 

This makes them harder to detect, as they can charm, persuade, and influence others while still thinking from motives of control. To identify such people, let’s explore the most common patterns and behaviors associated with dark empathy.

Dark triad traits

1. Narcissism

Such people are usually self-centered, crave attention, and want everyone to appreciate their superiority. Other narcissistic tendencies involve seeking validation through praise, exaggerating their achievements, and dismissing the needs of others if those don’t align with their interests.

2. Psychopathy

Those living with psychopathic traits lack remorse and may be rather impulsive. Yet, unlike typical psychopaths, dark empaths don’t seem so cold and detached. Even more, they don’t obviously disregard social rules, but rather use their empathic abilities for personal gain.

3. Machiavellianism

Those living with dark empathy are perfect manipulators. They aim to achieve power and keep it by using strategy, guilt trips, or persuasion. Instead of showing aggression, they prefer to influence people quietly, making others believe they act with good intentions while actually working toward their own goals.

Traits connected to emotional intelligence

4. High cognitive empathy

Dark empaths understand others’ emotions well by analyzing a person’s tone, facial expressions, behavior, and context. Studies prove that cognitive empathy, since it provides sensitive emotional information, may also underlie manipulative personalities. [4] It happens because this skill helps them read people well, but it doesn’t make them compassionate.

5. Lack of emotional empathy and affective empathy

At the same time, dark empaths lack compassionate empathy. They don’t get involved in the feelings of others and don’t share someone’s joys, worries, or pains. This allows them to use someone’s feelings and emotional manipulation without feeling guilty about it.

Communicational and behavioral tendencies

6. Extroversion

Dark empaths tend to be rather extroverted and comfortable in social settings. They might appear to be natural leaders who attract others and easily influence people. Still, social skills and an outgoing nature may serve as ways to gain trust, gather information, and manipulate others without really worrying about someone’s well-being.

7. Charm and charisma

These personality traits are quite connected to the previous one. Dark empaths perfectly understand human behavior and feelings, so they seem really likable and trustworthy. Additionally, they can appear self-confident, which only supports their charisma.

8. Self-serving behavior

Nevertheless, while at first glance, people with high cognitive empathy may seem understanding, the darker aspects of their personality often reveal different motives. They use their insight into emotions not to support others but for personal gain, whether it’s influence, recognition, or control.

9. Love bombing

Relationships with dark empaths often start with amazing dates, impressive presents, and 24/7 communication. These people are prone to love bombing because this is another way to earn trust and make a partner feel close.

10. Gaslighting

To get more control over the situation (whether in romantic, professional, or personal relationships), those with dark empathy can make others question their sense of reality. Gaslighting allows them to twist facts, deny obvious truths, or downplay another person’s feelings, especially as they understand what emotions someone experiences at the moment.

11. Dark sense of humour

Cruel jokes, witty but sarcastic remarks, and taboo or sensitive topics may be used by dark empaths to test boundaries and assert dominance. Their humor can seem charming at first, but it easily turns into a subtle form of bullying. 

A dark sense of humor is typical for people with the dark triad traits and might stem from narcissistic and manipulative tendencies. However, only this factor can’t identify a dark empath, but it can serve as one of the warning signs until you see the whole picture.

12. Self-criticism

They don’t say it out loud, but dark empaths often experience intense self-criticism, self-doubt, and an unstable sense of self, masking deep insecurities. Manipulation and control can be a way for them to handle these feelings. 

Dark empaths develop coping strategies to maintain their image and communicate with others without exposing vulnerability. Yet, deep inside, they still experience loneliness and vulnerability.

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Dark empath vs narcissist vs empath

The main difference between a dark empath and a person with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is that the former has a high level of empathy. In contrast, the latter lacks understanding of others’ emotions. 

When comparing a dark empath and a person with true empathy, the difference lies in intent: empaths use their sensitivity to connect and support, while dark empaths may use empathy alongside dark triad traits when they want to influence.

Characteristic	Dark empath	Narcissist	Empath
Empathy	High cognitive empathy, low affective empathy	Lacks empathy	High cognitive and affective empathy
Motivation	Uses emotional intelligence to get what they want	Seeks admiration and validation	Wants to help and support others
Social skills	Can be leaders in groups	Can be charming but often self-centered	Friendly, caring, may be socially reserved
Manipulation	Has an exploitative nature	Rather manipulative	Doesn’t tend to manipulate
Emotional involvement	Low. Lacks emotional empathy	Low. May be detached or self-focused	Gets deeply emotionally involved
Typical behavior	Influences others subtly while protecting one’s own interests	Gains attention, status, or control often at others’ expense	Builds deep, genuine connections

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How to tell if you are a dark empath

To understand whether you have dark personality traits and high empathic abilities, you analyze your typical behavior, motives, and feelings.

Self-reflection questions

1. Can you notice even small changes in others’ moods and emotions?
2. Do you use what you know about people to get what you want?
3. Do you tend to act caring or friendly, but in reality keep people at a distance?
4. Do you feel satisfied when you control situations or influence others?
5. Do you like roles where you can guide people without showing your weaknesses?
6. Can you manipulate others and consider it normal?
7. Do you feel insecure or self-critical, even if others think you’re confident?

The more “Yes” answers you get, the more likely you are to have dark triad traits and heightened sensitivity. This doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person; it just shows that you sometimes mix understanding others with acting in your own interest.

Friendships and romantic relationships with a dark empath

Close connections with dark empaths typically follow a specific pattern: people with dark personality traits show a lot of care at first, then quietly influence others, make others rely on them, and stay in control without it being obvious.

Thus, you may appear dark empath if you:

• Notice others’ feelings and use them to influence their decisions.
• Feel satisfaction when others depend on your advice.
• Use compliments to gain power and trust.
• Find yourself subtly steering decisions in your favor.
• Enjoy being seen as reliable and understanding.

Can dark triad personalities change or love genuinely?

Yes, a dark empath can change and learn to build a real emotional connection. Nevertheless, this process can take some time and effort. Here are some steps that a person with dark triad traits can take to develop genuine empathy. 

1. Acknowledge the emotional consequences of your behavior

Once you understand that your actions harm others and decide to take responsibility, you can begin making conscious choices.

2. Learn self-compassionate ways to cope with inner challenges

Dark empaths can turn to manipulation and the use of power to hide vulnerabilities. Instead, you can try to heal emotional wounds.

• Try journaling to improve self-awareness and spot what makes you worried or insecure. You can track your emotions in the notebook or try Breeze’s journaling feature. It allows users to learn more about themselves and find relief by answering the right questions and reflecting on their insecurities.

• Turn to mindfulness. Focusing on what happens here and now can help you spot subconscious attempts to exploit others and respond thoughtfully.

• Engage in deep breathing or relaxation exercises. Controlled breathing also helps you pause before reacting, notice desires to manipulate, and choose healthier ways to react.

3. Practice empathy and try to build healthier relationships

It isn’t about cognitive understanding of what goes wrong, but rather about being able to put yourself in someone’s shoes. You can try to listen actively without planning your response and act with care. Start small by showing kindness daily, and gradually work on being supportive in relationships.

How to deal with a dark side empath and take care of your mental health

In case you communicate with a person who is potentially dangerous to your mental well-being, it’s necessary to protect your emotional space. These are some tips on how to do it.

• Set strong boundaries. Once you understand that a person is trying to influence you, it’s vital to define what’s acceptable for you. For instance, you can decide that certain topics (like relationships, money, or past traumas) are off-limits. Also, control the time you spend together and avoid situations where they can pressure you. 

• Keep an emotional distance. Even if a dark empath tries to get close enough by showing how they understand you, it’s better not to share secrets or discuss painful topics. You can be friendly, but discuss only emotionally-neutral information. 

• Acknowledge manipulations. If you notice actions or words that push you to do something harmful to your emotional well-being, don’t hesitate to get assertive. Call out manipulative behavior when necessary, and remind yourself that you don’t have to compromise your boundaries.

• Assess whether you need to continue this communication. If a dark empath is your colleague or close relative, it might be complicated to cut down contact completely. Yet, if it’s someone who pretends to be your friend, maybe it will be easier to minimize interactions or stop interacting with this person entirely.

• Get in touch with a mental health professional. Sometimes communication with dark empaths can negatively influence your inner balance. If you notice the signs of stress and emotional exhaustion, it may be necessary to seek support from a mental health professional to develop strategies that can protect your well-being.

Sources

1. Shukla, Meenakshi & Upadhyay, Niti. (2025). “Cold hearts and dark minds: a systematic review and meta-analysis of empathy across dark triad personalities.” Frontiers in Psychiatry.
2. Li W, Cong X, Fan Z, Li F. “A Study on Intergenerational Transmission of Dark Triad and Emotion Reactivity.” Psychol Res Behav Manag. 2022
3. Jonason, Peter Karl & Lyons, Minna & Bethell, Emily & Ross. (2013). “Different routes to limited empathy in the sexes: Examining the links between the Dark Triad and empathy.” Personality and Individual Differences.
4. McIlwain D. “Individual Differences in Theory of Mind: Implications for Typical and Atypical Development.” Psychology Press; New York, NY, USA: 2003. Bypassing empathy: A Machiavellian theory of mind and sneaky power; pp. 39–66. Macquarie monographs in cognitive science.
5. Heym, Nadja & Kibowski, Fraenze & Bloxsom, Claire & Blanchard, Alyson & Harper, Alexandra & Wallace, Louise & Firth, Jennifer & Sumich, Alexander. (2020). “The Dark Empath: Characterising dark traits in the presence of empathy.” Personality and Individual Differences.