How to Get Through The 5 Stages of Grief After a Breakup

Your relationship comes to an end, and you need to accept the new reality. However, processing the breakup can be tougher than expected. To heal from the breakup and move forward, you’ll need to go through certain breakup stages. 

In this article, we’ll find out why it can feel overwhelming, what experiences the healing journey typically involves, and how to recover from post-breakup grief to embrace a better future.

Why do breakups feel like grief?

People may experience grief after a breakup because losing a romantic partner triggers the same emotional systems that respond to death. A person can feel shock, denial, frustration, overwhelm, and deep sadness. This reaction is more typical for people who didn’t initiate the breakup, but both ex-partners can experience painful emotions. [1]

It might happen because a person needs time to accept that their life has changed and things won’t be like they were before. Moving forward, even from an unhappy relationship, can cause stress and influence the sense of security. This is why people with insecure attachment styles may find it even more challenging to recover.

What are the stages of grief? Breakup theory

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross first introduced the stages of the grieving process in her 1969 book On Death and Dying. They were initially applied as a way for patients with terminal illness to accept reality. Yet, they were later expanded to help people come to terms with loss in general, such as the death of a loved one, a significant life change, or the fact that a relationship ended.

The original theory of breakup grief includes five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. However, some people believe that there are seven stages of grief, including guilt and reconstruction.

Five stages of grief after a breakup

Breakup grief isn’t linear and doesn’t follow a predictable path. Instead, people may go through the same stages several times or experience mixed emotional patterns. Below, we’ll focus on a model suggested by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross.

1. Denial stage

Once you end a relationship with someone, it can be difficult to accept the reality of the situation right away. Instead, it feels like something unreal. You can think something like, “No, they’ll call me tomorrow,” or “We just need a break.” It happens to protect you from the initial shock of a significant change and to process the reality step by step.

During the denial stage, a person can still:

• Wait for a call from their partner.
• Believe that they will get back together.
• Try to maintain communication with their ex.
• Feel like they’re cheating if they start talking to someone else.
• Avoid telling others about the breakup, as they think that it’s temporary.

During the denial stage, people may experience emotional pain, loneliness, fear, and confusion. It can also result in physical symptoms of stress, including headaches, stomachaches, or changes in sleep patterns.

2. Anger stage

Then the reality hits. You may feel betrayed and neglected by a former partner. You can also feel upset because of the situation itself or even frustrated by your life. Thoughts like, “Will I ever be able to find a real loved one?” can dwell inside your head. They can make you:

• Send hurtful messages to your ex.
• Overwork or party quite often to redirect anger.
• Destroy memories connected with your ex (like throw away presents or delete photos)
• Feel irritated by happy couples.
• Discuss even minor problems of past relationships with your friends.

At first glance, the anger phase may appear damaging. But it helps a person to remember that they’re valuable and see their ex-partner without illusions. It also protects self-esteem from an emotional roller coaster of fear of loneliness while also giving a sense of empowerment.

3. Bargaining stage and false hope

It can feel like you went back to a moment when everything was still possible. The bargaining stage is about constant “what-ifs” that you run through your mind and hope that you’ll get back together. In addition, you can:

• Feel guilty for sharing all the details about your past relationship during a moment of anger.
• Be ready to ignore all red flags and past wounds, even if they made you leave a partner.
• Regret your actions and hope to fix them.
• Believe that you’re deeply united (for instance, by soul ties) and should be together.
• Try to find compromises to reunite with a partner.

Think about Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City. After finishing a romantic relationship with Mr. Big, she repeatedly called him and sought advice from friends on how to reconnect. She was ready to ignore all the problems and focused only on happy memories from the past, which is quite typical for people during the bargaining phase.

4. Depression stage

Finally, you accept that a happy relationship requires mutual effort, and if one partner isn’t ready to get involved, it simply won’t work. Acknowledging it might be overwhelming. Studies prove that 26.8% of those who experienced a breakup in the past six months reported depressive symptoms. [2] 

During the grieving process, you can:

• Experience changes in appetite or sleep problems.
• Feel constantly sad and empty.
• Lack energy to do even routine tasks.
• Avoid socializing at all and stay at home for days.
• Feel hopeless, like nothing would ever change.

It is completely normal to feel down or experience emotional exhaustion. Nevertheless, if the symptoms continue for more than 2 weeks or interfere with your daily functioning, it might be necessary to seek professional help. A therapist can help you accept the situation and manage inner sadness.

5. Initial acceptance stage

This is the final stage when you develop emotional resilience and learn to live in the present moment. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you feel completely fine or forget about past relationships. However, you accept that the relationship has ended and you won’t go back.

It can also be considered the redirected hope. You start building the future, making your decisions, focusing on self-care, and finding new meanings without looking back on what could’ve happened if you were still together with someone. 

Nevertheless, for some people, it can always be challenging to fully let go of complex emotions. Occasional sadness and nostalgia may arise, but they won’t be so overwhelming. Others can begin to feel grateful for the relationship and appreciate personal growth from its lessons.

Can you experience multiple stages of breakup grief at once?

Yes, the stages may overlap and create mixed emotions. For example, you might be angry at your partner but still be bargaining about being together. Also, you might experience the grief stages in a different order or re-experience a certain stage several times.

How long do breakup grief and emotional stress last?

There’s no clear answer on how long the grieving process typically continues. Still, the study has found that significant negative emotions related to breakups, like sadness, anger, and heartache, may persist for up to 3 months, and rumination about the breakup can continue for more than 6 months. [3]

Several factors influence the longevity of emotional recovery:

• Length of the relationship and the stage of love you experienced. If you were together for a long time, it might be more challenging for you to accept that the relationship ended and start building a new life on your own.

• Attachment style. People with an anxious attachment style can experience fear of abandonment, trust challenges, or difficulty letting go. This makes it challenging for them to regain a sense of self-worth without having a partner.

• Personality traits. Some people find it easier to handle negative thoughts, while others may ruminate on memories and emotions. Also, if a person has a fulfilling life without a partner, it may be easier for them to move forward.

• Circumstances of the breakup. If you broke up unexpectedly, like if your partner cheated on you, and your feelings are still strong, the grieving process can be longer and more painful.

• Other life stressors. The healing process can be longer if you experience other life challenges at the same time. For instance, moving to another city or changing a job may increase stress and slow emotional recovery.

The hardest stage of the breakup

The hardest stage is different for everyone. Some people may find it challenging to handle the uncertainty of the denial stage, while for others, the depression stage can feel like a time of emptiness. 

Reddit users shared their worries and highlighted the moments they felt the worst:

• “It was the quiet moments where I wasn’t doing anything, and I broke into tears because it kept hitting me hard.”
• “The worst part is when things become hard to remember.”
• “It was not having access to them. Not being able to call whenever you wanted to.”

The hardest part may be processing emotions and specific situations after breaking up. A person may need to process such intense emotions as loneliness, rejection, or the loss of emotional safety. And which is harder depends on your personal traits and past experiences.

Coping strategies for each stage to handle intense emotions

The healing process after a breakup takes time and patience. While some may let go easily, a huge number of people may dwell on unanswered questions for some time. Here are some strategies for each stage that can help you take care of your emotional health and move forward faster.

1. Denial

• Limit contact with your former partner. Don’t try to talk to them, and let yourself accept that you’re no longer together.

• Spend time with friends and family members to remind yourself that your partner wasn’t the only important person in your life.

• Journal your thoughts and emotions to see the situation more clearly over time. When you reach the bargaining phase, you’ll see how draining the false hope can be.

• Follow a 72-hour rule after a breakup. This strategy involves avoiding impulsive decisions, engaging in self-care activities, and shifting focus to the way you’ll live your life after a breakup rather than on the intense emotions themselves.

2. Anger

• Accept that all emotional states matter and it’s OK to be angry. Don’t blame yourself for your feelings, and approach them as another stage of grief.

• Turn your frustration into physical activities or work projects, as it can help release energy in a healthy way. 

• Avoid making impulsive actions like trying to meet in person to argue or gossip about them.

3. Bargaining

• You may want to get everything back, but instead, engage in self-reflection. Think about why the relationship didn’t work.

• List lessons you learned and what you want in a future relationship to shift attention.

• You can also write a letter to your ex that you don’t intend to send to express everything you wish you could say.

• Remember the 3-week rule of breakups. It’s recommended to completely cut off contact with your former partner for 3 weeks. Avoid calls, messages, ghosting their Instagram page, or trying to find out how they live without you. It allows you to meet your true self and accept the new reality instead of trying to save the relationship. 

4. Depression

• Focus on your physical health and make sure you eat properly, sleep enough, spend enough time outside, and move at least a little bit.

• You may want to stay alone and reduce communication with others. Still, try to keep socializing and seek support from trusted people. They may help you feel better much faster.

5. Acceptance

• Don’t enter a new relationship too quickly. It can serve as a protective mechanism, which can later turn into another heartbreak. Instead, focus on yourself and start something new when you’re truly ready.

• If you want or need to connect with your former partner, make sure you don’t hope to get everything back deep inside. 

• Create new memories and engage in self-discovery. You can start a new hobby, travel to another country, or find a job you’ve always dreamt about. The goal is to remember who you are without another person around.

How to heal from emotional stress and grow after a breakup with Breeze

Going through breakup grief stages allows you to reach personal growth and better self-understanding. But it can be challenging to process breakup-related emotions daily. Breeze is a self-compassion tool that lets you feel better when experiencing life challenges. Here’s how you can use it:

1. Track your mood

As you notice the triggers that make you think about your ex, feel frustrated, or lonely, you can learn to avoid or handle them over time. For instance, you can find out that romantic comedies no longer make you joyful but rather anxious. So, it may be reasonable to avoid watching them for some time to take care of your mental health.

One example may seem like something not very influential. But when you track your mood, learn to hear yourself in such detail, and avoid dozens of triggers, it can make your healing journey easier. 

2. Engage in self-discovery

When you live together with a partner or meet quite regularly, the boundaries may be blurred. You might think that you like thrillers just because your partner enjoys them. Or you may stop attending fitness because you have a dinner date planned for the same time.

Staying alone is a perfect time to find out who you really are. Breeze allows you to improve self-awareness in 30+ topics. Find out whether you live with imposter syndrome, have a high charisma level, or experience childhood trauma. This knowledge, combined with personalized tips, can make your life much easier.

3. Notice what you’re grateful for

Experiencing grief after a breakup can negatively influence your self-esteem and overall mental health. Instead, when you keep a gratitude journal, it allows you to notice that life is still going on. You do great things, and there’s something pleasant every day. It can become quite supportive during the personal development journey.

Try Breeze

When to seek a mental health professional’s help during an emotional journey after a breakup

Anyone who experiences a breakup can benefit from visiting a licensed therapist. Together, you’ll: 

• Process mixed emotions.
• Reflect on your current state.
• Develop coping strategies necessary to handle frustration.
• Explore your lessons to bring about a new relationship.

At the same time, there are people who might need professional help more than others. These are the ones who:

• Can’t handle overwhelming emotions on their own and don’t have a support system to rely on.
• Live with an insecure attachment style and want to change it to build a new relationship differently.
• Experienced neglect, emotional abuse, or any other kind of trauma during the relationship, and now handle the outcomes.
• Feel afraid of building another relationship after a previous negative experience.
• Engage in self-sabotage in a new relationship while constantly thinking about your ex.

Sources

1. KRISTINA Ž. RANĐELOVIĆ, NIKOLA R. GOLJOVIĆ. “BREAKUP GRIEF – THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN INITIATOR AND NON-INITIATOR DEPENDING ON COPING STRATEGIES AND ATTACHMENT.” 2020
2. Gehl K, Brassard A, Dugal C, Lefebvre AA, Daigneault I, Francoeur A, Lecomte T. “Attachment and Breakup Distress: The Mediating Role of Coping Strategies.” Emerg Adulthood. 2024
3. Mancone S, Celia G, Bellizzi F, Zanon A, Diotaiuti P. “Emotional and cognitive responses to romantic breakups in adolescents and young adults: the role of rumination and coping mechanisms in life impact.” Front Psychiatry. 2025